Imagine a man has abused his dog for a period of time. His dog has come to live in constant fear of being hurt again, every time his owner draws close. The owner is genuinely sorry for what he has done, he has gone to therapy to change his behavior, and he really does love his dog. But the dog’s first instinct is that of survival. Cowered in the corner of the back yard, he runs from his owner, even when the man brings him food, treats, and toys. Nothing the owner does can renew the dog’s trust – except time and space.
Eventually, the dog usually comes around. Slowly, the relationship is restored. But it takes time – lots of it. And it requires an understanding owner who recognizes that the dog is simply reacting to the trauma the owner created in the first place.
Guys, if your wife is having a hard time trusting you again, accept that as the new reality which you caused. Keep feeding her. Keep caring for her. But don’t ask for anything in return. Ask only that she does the things that make her feel safe.
Recovery Step: God cares deeply for the abused. David prayed, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle” (Psalm 56:8). Care for your spouse as God has cared for you. Give her the time – and space – that she requires.
