Did You Know?

Things aren’t always what they appear. Did you know that Minnesota, the “land of 10,000 lakes,” actually has about 12,000 lakes? Meanwhile, neighboring Wisconsin has 15,000 lakes. Here are some other things you may not have realized.  There are a lot of things that may surprise you, even in the area of sex and addiction.…

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Anxiety

Here’s the problem with anxiety. It always overestimates our problems and underestimates our resources. Jesus said, “Do not worry about your life” (Matthew 6:25. He followed that up with, “Do not worry about tomorrow” (Matthew 6:34). Clearly, Jesus was opposed to anxiety.  In some cases, anxiety must be treated clinically. But in most cases, we…

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The Value of Still

Being still is both necessary and difficult for most of us. Suffolk University professor Beverly D. Flaxington writes, “This culture values action, movement, success, and the quest of more, more, more, and more. If you aren’t moving and you aren’t conquering and you aren’t rushing, there must be something wrong with you. The faster someone…

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Climbing Blind

On May 25, 2001, Erik Weihenmayer reached the summit of Mount Everest. A year later, he completed the Seven Summits, climbing the highest peak on each of the seven continents. By doing so, he accomplished what only 150 others have ever done. But with Erik Weihenmayer, there was one difference.  Erik Weihenmayer is completely blind. …

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Rule #101

Last year, I wrote my tenth recovery book, Recovery Rules. It contains 100 truisms. They are pithy, easy-to-remember statements about recovery. If I could add a 101st rule, this would be it: What you tolerate today will dominate tomorrow. If I tolerate staring at attractive women, those fantasies will dominate my mind tomorrow. If I…

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Don’t Ever Do This!

In about 760 B.C., a prophet in Judah said something that every recovering addict needs to hear. “Woe to you who are complacent” (Amos 6:1). Never, ever take your sobriety for granted. Never, ever, ever, ever. Don’t do it. Never.  There will be days when you think you’ve “got this,” you can take your foot…

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A Half Worm

Let me give you something to ponder today. What is the only thing worse than finding a worm in an apple? Answer: finding half a worm in an apple and wondering where the other half is. It only takes half a worm for most people to step away from the apple. The fact that a…

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Plans

“Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord” (Isaiah 29:15). When we were children, my brother and I loved to play hide-and-seek with our Dad. We would run and hide somewhere while Dad counted to 20, and then he’d come looking for us. Somehow, we thought that if…

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Call for Backup

A young man decided to join the police force. As a recruit, he was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered, “Call for backup.” We all need to call for backup from time to time. We weren’t created to do life – let alone…

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Valentine’s Day

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Ten Valentine’s gifts you…

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Grace Community Chapel

Joe Gilmore, of the Gratitude Lodge, wrote an article titled, “Seven Common Addiction Recovery Mistakes and How to Avoid Them.” He says the most common mistake is thinking you can do it alone. He writes, “A recovery journey requires a positive mindset. You must surround yourself with a supportive community.” Paul said it like this:…

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Worthwhile

“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received” (Ephesians 4:1). What is a life that is worthy? Albert Einstein answered, “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” And Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “It’s enthusiasm for something that makes life…

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You Gotta Let Go!

I’ve seen it hundreds of times. I did it myself. I got into recovery because of my wife’s discovery. But it wasn’t enough.  Patrick Carnes wrote, “The momentary willingness that comes after disclosure or discovery will not turn into long-term sobriety unless there is a recognition that past attempts to control don’t work. Unless there…

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100-Mile Run

Oleg Kharitonov set a new world record when he ran 100 miles in 11:28:03. I’m not sure I could drive 100 miles that fast. Quite impressive. The next time you run a marathon, remember Oleg, who essentially ran four marathons without a break. I say it again – quite impressive. Oleg is clearly a gifted…

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Lesson from Uzziah

Never judge your success by immediate results. Recovery is about planting seeds today that will grow tomorrow and bear fruit after that. Don’t expect an overnight experience of the full serenity, sobriety, and success that will come from years of doing the right thing – one day at a time.  Dr. Paul Chappell, senior pastor…

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Who You Are

If you want to know who you really are, look around you. Take note of the people you spend the most time with, the ones to whom you are the closest. Jim Rohn said it like this: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” A Portuguese proverb says,…

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Tim Tebow

Timothy Richard Tebow described the Christian life well. The football icon said, “I’m not perfect. I’m never going to be. And that’s the great thing about living the Christian life and trying to live by faith, is you’re trying to get better every day. You’re trying to improve.”  In recovery, improvement is a great word.…

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Recovery Bullies

No one likes to get picked on. I know I never did. Throughout the 7th grade, a bully made a habit of taking my lunch money on my walk to school. This went on for months, until I finally stood up to her. I’ve witnessed spiritual bullying, as well. And recovery bullying. I actually had…

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The Right Crowd

“So Jephthah fled from his brothers and settled in the land of Tob, where a gang of scoundrels gathered around him and followed him” (Judges 11:3). Aaron Rodgers, full-time football player (when he isn’t injured) and part-time philosopher, said, “Surround yourself with really good people. I think that’s an important thing, because the people you…

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50 Years Ago

It happened 50 years ago today. It was like every other Sunday for my brother and me. We rode the church bus to College Park Baptist Church in southwest Houston. After the service, I asked our pastor, Dr. Cecil Sewell, if we could talk for a few minutes. He and his wife Sharon took me…

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What God Requires

There are a lot of character traits that you should strive for. But God got specific with a few that rise above the rest. The prophet declared, “This is what the Lord requires: to act justly, to love, faithfulness, and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8). Let’s focus on that last one –…

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A Profound Prayer

I pray this every morning before my feet hit the ground. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Lately, I have been focused on the second part of that prayer.…

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Jesus Is Watching You

Before you act out again, ask yourself this question – What message will this send to others?  A man broke into a house late one night. The owner’s parrot said to him, “Jesus is watching you.” The burglar was undeterred. “What is Jesus going to do to stop me?” he asked the bird. As the…

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How Will They Know?

Today, a total stranger initiated a conversation with me about Liberty University. Why did he do this? Because he saw that I was wearing my Liberty shirt, which I often do, as a proud alumnus. A few minutes later, I spoke to another stranger, this time because he was wearing a Houston Astros cap. Why?…

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Matthew Perry

I admit that I should have offered this tribute three months ago.  In 1994, the 24-year-old actor began a ten-year run as a star of Friends, which paid him $1 million per episode and made him one of Hollywood’s most famous stars. But behind the scenes, addiction was ruining his life. At his lowest point,…

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Not Even a Hint

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality” (Ephesians 5:3). Are you familiar with the Modesto Manifesto? That was the agreement that Billy Graham and his inner circle made with each other in 1949. Among other things, it included a commitment that none of them would ever be alone with…

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Planned Neglect

Sometimes, it’s what you don’t do that makes the difference. Someone asked a concert violinist how she became so skilled. She gave a two-word answer: “Planned neglect.” She explained that she neglected everything that didn’t contribute to her goal, which was to be a master violinist.  Successful recovery requires planned neglect. In order to grow…

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30 Days

Can you stay sober for the next 30 days? I remember when such a goal seemed crazy. It was on par with becoming an Olympic swimmer, NASA scientist, or watching a Hallmark movie without jumping off a tall building.  Impossible.  I love what Nelson Mandela said. “It always seems impossible until it is done.” The…

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Homo Economicus

Harvard professor Arthur Brooks has spent years researching the seemingly inescapable association between achievement and satisfaction. Most of us have been duped into thinking that we are just one deal, one raise, or one dollar short of true happiness.  The pursuit of personal wealth, or homo economicus, consumes most of us. One study found that…

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The Dried Up Brook

“So Elijah did as the Lord told him, and camped beside Kerith Brook, east of the Jordan. The ravens brought him bread and meat each morning and evening, and he drank from the brook. But after a while the brook dried up, for there was no rainfall anywhere in the land” (I Kings 17:5-7). Does…

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Motorcycle Money

“From his abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another” (John 1:16). I read about a motorcyclist roaring down the coastal highway in the Philippines who didn’t realize that the zipper of his backpack had come open. The man was making a business transfer with a large amount of cash. The bills began…

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The Mark Twain Diet

A month after my heart surgery last year, my cardiologist gave me the simple formula for living a long life. He said, “Eat what you don’t like.” Mark Twain took this a little further: “The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do…

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There’s Still Hope

When we began our ministry in 2017, we knew one word had to be in the title – hope. We talk a lot about hope here. But there is another word that is just as important. Still. There’s Hope and There’s Still Hope are two completely different things.  Here’s what we believe. There’s STILL hope,…

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Sanctification that Matters

The Bible promises three things to every believer: “You were washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 6:11). Let’s talk about that middle one – sanctification. The process of sanctification simply means to become more like Christ. There are several ways we might try this. Many of us…

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Depressing

I have some depressing news for you.  According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 6.7 percent of the adult population has dealt with depression. And data released by Dr. Paul Greenberg and his colleagues concludes that the number of Americans with Major Depression Disorder increased by 13 percent from 2010 to 2018, with 47…

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Happy Birthday!

If you were born on January 16, happy birthday! You share your birthday with nearly 22 million other Earthlings. Here is a list of just a few of those 22 million people who were born on January 16. We celebrate birthdays because life matters. Your life matters. But you shouldn’t wait until your next birthday…

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You Can Do This!

Most addicts make a commitment to quit their behavior, but they don’t stick to their plan. Why is this? I suggest several reasons. Any obstacle to your recovery is worthy of a wrecking ball. Making a commitment to recovery is the easy part. I know, because I made that commitment 100 times. And I quit…

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Logic vs Emotions

Let’s talk about logic, emotions, and self-control. Dr. Jonathan Heidt has concluded, “Psychology tells us that the brain consistently tricks you into thinking your logic is in control, but generally, it is not. You are being driven by emotions and instinctual drives which your logical brain then rationalizes. This gives the appearance of the logical…

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Samaria

“Jesus had to go through Samaria” (John 4:4). Let me explain why this matters.  The Jews and Samaritans disliked each other. It all went back to 722 B.C. when the Assyrians conquered Israel and took the northern ten tribes into captivity. They brought in Gentiles from other areas to settle in that same region. Eventually,…

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Today

The average person will live about 30,000 days.  I’m not sure where I stand on that continuum, but I’m pretty sure I’m closer to the end than I am to the beginning. Will I live 30,000 days? A little less? A little more?  Who knows? But I do know this – I’m alive on this…

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Two Houses

Two men of equal ability were given identical houses and assignments. One side of each house was filled with heavy rocks. The men were given one month to move the rocks from one side of the house to the other. The work was grueling, and after two weeks, the first man gave up. The other…

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Healthy Fear

Perhaps fear has gotten a bad rap.  Christine Louise Hohlbaum, author of The Power of Slow, writes, “Fear is not always a bad thing. It can sometimes move us to greatness. Fear can be your friend in just the right doses, but too much of it can kill you.” Paul said it like this: “Look…

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Tests

We will all be tested. Following the 9/11 attack, President George W. Bush said, “The resolve of our great nation is being tested. But make no mistake, we will show the world that we will pass the test.” In recovery, testing is a part of the process. Jesus was tested, but he used that as…

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Box of Chocolates

Life is unpredictable. Don’t take my word for it; Solomon said, “At best, life is unpredictable” (Ecclesiastes 9:7). The great philosopher Forrest Gump said it in a way we can all understand. “My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”      – Forrest Gump, 1994 You…

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Relapse Rate

I hate it when someone drops out of one of my Freedom Groups. My first reaction is, “What did I do wrong?” Over the three years I have been leading groups, we have grown from five groups to nine, and from 50 men to 130. But I always fret over the one who slips away.…

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Switching Teams

Andrew Whitworth switched teams. A four-time NFL All-Pro, the six-foot-seven lineman left the Cincinnati Bengals for the Los Angeles Rams. And in 2022, he accomplished a rare feat, as a member of the Super Bowl champions. What made this so special was that the team he beat was – the Cincinnati Bengals. If you are…

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Scholarly Advice

In 2022, three noted psychologists produced an extensive editorial: Human Connection as a Treatment for Addiction. Their research included broad, diverse studies. They used a bio-psycho-socio-spiritual model of health and illness, in order to tap into multiple perspectives. This was their summary conclusion: “In summary, the results of our research topic of articles point to…

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Psalm 51

Psalm 51 provides the gold standard for confessional prayer. “According to the greatness of your compassion, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin” (Psalm 51:1-2).  First, David asks God to “blot out my transgressions.” He is asking God to scrape off the lies and deceit in…

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Enough

Saving Private Ryan may be the greatest war movie ever produced. The film traces a mission to bring Private James Ryan home after his three brothers had all been killed in battle. Under the command of Captain Miller, a small group of soldiers went through hell to rescue Private Ryan. Most of the others, including…

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Wrong Way Riegels

In the 1929 Rose Bowl, All-American center Roy Riegels picked up a fumble and ran 30 yards – in the wrong direction. The play contributed to an 8-7 loss by California to Georgia Tech. Looking back, Riegels described the play: “I was running toward the sidelines when I picked up the ball. I started to…

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2024 Goals

Proverbs 16:9 “We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it.” There are three ways in which you need to pursue your goals for the new year. 1. You need God’s Spirit to empower you. “You will not succeed by your own strength, or by your own…

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2024

Another year has passed. The new year is just hours away.  In God Is Visible Every Day, Steven M. Hitchcock offers great advice. “In this new year, be grateful that God has given you victory over many things over the past year.” The prophet agreed. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past”…

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The “F” Word

In order to stay sober, you need to master the “F” word. Forgiveness. Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith, trainer of Mindvalley’s Life Vission Mastery Quest, writes, “All forgiveness is self-forgiveness because you’re unbinding yourself from a perception that causes harm to yourself.” Beckwith explains that forgiveness moves you away from the victim consciousness – a state…

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Anymore

The crazy dude in Mark 5 is the prototype for Step 1. His life was unmanageable, and he was powerless to do anything about it. To be specific, “This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him anymore, not even with a chain” (Mark 5:4). Did you catch that word, anymore? That…

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Second Chances

I am the product of the second chance. You are, too. Coach Lane Kiffin said, “When God gives you a second chance, it’s not something you take for granted.” Harrison Ford said, “We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.” Pete Rose said, “If somebody is gracious…

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The Grandmaster

I used to be an avid chess player. I still have in my office, my Dad’s old chess set that he learned to play on 90 years ago. In my greatest athletic achievement, I won my high school chess championship with a record of 50 wins, and 0 losses. Then I played the champions from…

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Not Expected

We all remember the innkeeper in Bethlehem who told Mary and Joseph that there was no room for them in the inn. The innkeeper has earned a bad reputation because of this, but I wonder if this nameless figure in history may be symbolic of some of us. There was no room in the inn…

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The Manger

I heard about a guy who discovered an original copy of the Declaration of Independence while going through some things that had been stored, and then passed down through generations. Eventually, this priceless document fell into his lap. He wasn’t looking for it but found it anyway. The world wasn’t looking for a Savior. At…

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I’m a Dreamer

John tapped into the secret to a pure life. “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin” (1 John 1:7). John understood the magic of connection, or “fellowship with one another,” because…

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Somebody Likes Me

Christmas programs have given us nearly unlimited quotes of inspiration. And then there are other quotes that remind us of life as it really is for so many. Like this, from A Charlie Brown Christmas: “Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there wasn’t a holiday season. I know nobody likes…

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Step 1

It is the only Step you have to work perfectly. Say it with me: “We admitted that our lives had become unmanageable, and we were powerless to do anything about it.” This Step sets the table for the next eleven. Until you work Step 1, you can’t pass “GO” and you can’t collect $200 (an…

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Why You Act Out

Henri Nouwen wrote, “Our society is not a community radiant with the love of Christ, but a dangerous network of domination and manipulation in which we can easily get entangled and lose our soul.” Translation – We live in a fallen world. The Bible is like this: “God gave them up to dishonorable passions” (Romans…

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Parties

I love a good party. I’ve been to a few spirited celebrations, but nothing like the one they threw in Great Britain over 20 years ago.  In June, 2002, Queen Elizabeth II celebrated 50 years as monarch of Great Britain. A Golden Jubilee Festival was held in her honor, as London’s ceremonial mall was filled…

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Grab On

We can find great lessons for recovery from history. For example, let’s talk World War II. During the attack on Pearl Harbor, a serviceman serving on a maintenance ship was able to save six sailors trapped on the burning USS Arizona by tossing them a rope. God has done the same thing for each of…

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Undivided Heart

There is no power like the power of focus. We need it in our relationships, spiritual development, at work, and in recovery.  For example, psychologist Traci Stein suggests a unique technique to maintain focus at work. It’s called the “Pomodoro Technique,” which is based on working for 25 minutes, and then taking a five-minute break,…

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Buzz Knows

Whoever told you that recovery would be easy was messing with you. Buzz Aldrin, space explorer, Christ-follower, and recovering alcoholic, spoke of his personal sobriety: “It’s been one of the greatest challenges that ever came along in my life; it was one of the most difficult things to do.” But “hard” doesn’t mean “bad.” The…

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Ten-Year Study

What matters the most in long-term recovery?  A team of six addiction experts, led by Dr. Maria Pagano, sought answers. They conducted a ten-year study on the various components of long-term recovery that reaped the greatest results. Overwhelmingly, their research concluded that two things were of the utmost importance. Let’s focus on the second principle…

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Be Nice

Stanford professor Robert Sapolsky reports on a study conducted across cultures. It found that, universally, men tend to prefer to marry women younger than themselves, while women prefer men older than themselves. There were several other interesting findings. But the most profound conclusion was that across cultures, men and women are looking for one thing…

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Mirror

The word for today is . . . mirror. Carl Jung said, “Whoever looks into the mirror will see first of all his own face. The mirror does not flatter; it faithfully shows whatever looks into it, namely, the face we never show to the world because we cover it with the persona, the mask…

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Money Secrets

Married couples often keep financial secrets from their spouse. According to a study in 2022, financial secrets adversely affect 75 percent of all marriages. A poll by CreditCards.com found the following: Secrets are never a good thing within a marriage. And eventually, the secrets always come out. “For nothing will be hidden that will not…

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Just a Flesh Wound

“It’s just a flesh wound.”      – Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) Those were the words from the Black Knight (John Cleese) to King Arthur (Graham Chapman), after losing both arms in the heat of combat.  The Black Knight did what we all tend to do. He minimized his condition. What Solomon said still…

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U.S. Open

In the final round of the 1934 U.S. Open, Bobby Cruickshank appeared to be on his way to winning his first major tournament on the PGA tour. He had the lead on the 11th hole when a wayward shot miraculously bounced off a rock and onto the green. Overjoyed, Cruickshank threw his club into the…

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Blameless

We all know that God expects us to be holy. That means to be set apart, living lives of integrity and character. But did you know God actually expects more than holy lives? Paul told the church, “He chose us to be holy and blameless” (Ephesians 1:4). Paul’s message was that we are to not…

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Pain

Pain. It’s a part of life. It’s what C.S. Lewis called “God’s unwanted gift.” We’ve all been there. Everyone I know has experienced their fair share of pain. The key is how we respond to our pain. Dr. Robert Puff, host of the Happiness Podcast, suggests three steps to processing our pain. It is important…

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Selfishness

My good friend, Dr. Roger Patterson, pastor of Houston’s West University Baptist Church, recently preached an amazing sermon on marriage. Roger addressed the subject of selfishness. He said selfishness manifests itself in marriage in four ways: Few things are more damaging to a marriage than selfishness. And that’s a problem for addicts because selfishness drives…

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Teddy

A writer named David Redding wrote about growing up on a farm in Scotland. As a young boy, he was given a beautiful black puppy he named Teddy. Redding and Teddy were inseparable. When Redding had to go off to war, he was unable to return to his farm for more than two years. But…

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Juneteenth

Juneteenth is a celebration that began on June 19, 1865. Union general Gordon Granger rode into Galveston, Texas, to announce the end of slavery. His message was met with shock and celebration. What the people didn’t realize was that slavery had been legally banned two and a half years earlier, on January 1, 1863. The…

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Humble Pie

Recovery is a journey with no end, yet some people begin to feel that they are cured and don’t have to worry about triggers anymore. It is important to develop a healthy level of self-confidence, but humility is necessary, too. If someone forgets that addiction is a chronic condition, they may be tempted to have…

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Step 8

“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”      – Step 8 “Every A.A. has found that he can make little headway until he first makes an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left in his wake.”      – Twelve Steps and Twelve…

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Hard Work

All successful recovery includes two words – hard work. Sorry, I wish it wasn’t so. I wish there was a softer, easier way, but there’s not. To stay sober, you need to master things like surrender, going to meetings, and working the Steps. But you also need this: Hard work. Derek Jeter said, “There may…

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Elvis

No one ever had a more successful career as a singer and entertainer than Elvis Presley. In what may be his most memorable song, he gave a really good example of how a man should express his love for his wife. “Love me tender, love me sweet, Never let me go. You have made my…

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The Learning Curve

German psychologist Hermann Ebbinghaus (1850-1909) is credited for inventing the learning curve. He was also the first psychologist to conduct extensive work on memory studies. Among his findings: we need to hear something five times in order to remember it. Another study found that the average high school student forgets 95 percent of what he…

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Buckets

An analogy that is often used to describe the process of rebuilding trust is that of the empty bucket. We say to the addict, “The reason your wife doesn’t trust you is that your bucket is empty. You need to refill your bucket.” We refill the bucket by going to meetings, doing therapy, and remaining…

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Godzilla

Godzilla’s career as a prizefighter began with his first movie, appropriately called Godzilla, in 1954. He went on to star in 38 movies, taking on all monsters who wanted a piece of him. His career included 55 fights, with 45 wins, four draws, and six losses. One of the losses came to a robot, so…

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Thanksgiving Today

In 1864, President Abraham Lincoln issued a proclamation declaring Thanksgiving as a day on which citizens should give thanks and praise to God and humble themselves and pray fervently for the return of the blessings of peace, union, and harmony. As we celebrate Thanksgiving in America today, I remind you of God’s instructions for the…

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The Law

It is important that we be aware of our weak spots. The Bible says, “Through the law we became conscious of our sin” (Romans 3:20). Substitute the word addiction for sin. Here are four reasons you need to be conscious of your addiction: John Calvin said, “There is no light in the law without Christ.”…

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Marching Off Your Map

Alexander the Great was one of the greatest conquerors the world has ever known. After he had achieved his conquest of Persia, he embarked on an eastward journey that led him beyond the familiar territories. As author Halford Luccock put it, the general “marched off his maps.” I suppose that when your name ends with…

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Itzhak Perlman

At the age of four, Itzhak Perlman was struck by polio, rendering his legs useless. However, he compensated for this loss by dedicating himself to his violin. In the following years, Perlman enchanted countless audiences with his music. While he lost the use of his legs, his music bestowed upon him a unique form of…

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A Different Drumbeat

Sometimes, you need to listen to the advice of others, figure out what makes sense, and then do something else. Good advice is not always the best advice. Sometimes, God leads us to do things that others don’t understand. That’s why we need the Holy Spirit. Jesus promised, “The Holy Spirit will teach you all…

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The Box

Kevin went down on one knee as he handed a beautiful, small box to his girlfriend, Rachel. Then he popped the question: “Will you marry me?” Rachel responded, “Of course I’ll marry you!” Then she opened the box, to find a diamond engagement ring, for which Kevin had spend $20,000. Then, holding up the box…

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Irrevocable

Forgiveness and second chances are hallmarks of the Christian faith. A well-known secular humanist gave an amazing endorsement of our faith. “What I envy most about you Christians is your forgiveness. I have nobody to forgive me.” We all say we believe in God’s forgiveness, but that doesn’t always translate into our daily lives. Let…

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Flying Stand-by

Have you ever flown stand-by? When you watch the passengers hanging around the desk in front of the terminal, you can always tell the ones who are flying stand-by. Everyone else has a secure ticket. They are sitting comfortably in a chair, reading magazines and working on their laptops, just waiting for their number to…

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Harlem Miracle

Eugene Land was a self-made millionaire who was asked to speak to a class of 59 sixth graders at a school in Harlem. Based on historical trends, ten percent of those students would never graduate from high school. That would be six students. Land’s message to the students was simple. “If you stay in school…

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Christmas Bike

When I was about seven years old, I woke up one Christmas morning to find the bicycle of my dreams under the Christmas tree. I was shocked, because I was under the impression that such gifts were reserved for boys and girls who had been especially good that year, which I had not been.  I…

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When You Wash Your Face

Martin Luther said, “When you wash your face, remember your baptism.” Translation: Never forget from whence you came. Remember your past and learn from it. We should take time to reflect on what got us into recovery and cherish the lessons we have learned along the journey. This will keep us on track and focused.…

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Recovery Fruit

My wife works with spouses who are married to sex addicts, leading them through their own recovery programs. Regarding their relationships with their addict husbands, Beth often tells them, “Believe their behaviors, not their words.” Jesus said it like this: “A tree is recognized by its fruit” (Matthew 12:33). When a person works a serious…

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Move Forward into the Past

In 1956, Billy Graham held a crusade in London that resulted in thousands of people coming to Christ. The London Times, seeking to discredit the tremendous response and success of the revival, published this headline: “Billy Graham Has Sent England Back to the 1800s.”  When asked what he thought of the headline, Graham responded, “Well,…

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Do It for Yourself

No one disputes God’s directive to do the right thing. The prophet was clear when he said, “Maintain justice and do what is right” (Isaiah 56:1). That leads to an obvious question. Why should we do the right thing? Psychologist Jordan Scotti has an answer: “There is psychological research that suggests that engaging in prosocial…

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A Mother’s Kiss

Have you ever felt as if your shame, your sins, and your shortcomings have taken you beyond the grasp of God’s grace? I’ve been there. We all have.  So let the words of Jesus sink in. Other than blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, Jesus said, “Every kind of sin can be forgiven” (Matthew 12:31). That…

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The Purity Movement

Purity matters – a lot. The psalmists spoke to this when he answered his own question. “How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word” (Psalm 119:9). Any ministry that is committed to leading men and women to freedom from unwanted sexual behaviors will have a lot…

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Daily

I have a theory. When you put recovery ahead of God, you find neither. But when you put God ahead of recovery, you find both. That is because all recovery is spiritual recovery.  Henry Ward Beecher said it well: “Heaven will be inherited by every man who has heaven in his soul.” Paul said it…

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A House Divided

Jesus quoted from Lincoln’s 1858 speech when he said, “A house divided cannot stand” (Matthew 12:25). Nothing matters more than unity. That is why Jesus prayed, in what really was the Lord’s Prayer (a prayer he prayed himself, not a model prayer for us), “Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name, the…

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Your Mind

Your biggest sex organ is your brain. That is why nothing is more important to your recovery than what you do with your thought life. The Bible says, “Serve him with a willing mind” (1 Chronicles 28:9). Here are six ways to serve God with a willing mind: Vincent Van Gogh said, “I put my…

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Green Apples

I know what it is to feel “less than.” When you wear Coke bottles for glasses at the age of eight, and when you stutter your way through school, you can’t help but feel unimpressive. That’s why I love the words of Alice Chapin: “Green apples are apples too.” The God who is not limited…

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Ducks

I have the same routine every morning. I step outside on my lanai, and a zillion ducks come rushing up from the pond out back, like a battalion of soldiers storming the beach at Normandy. They know what’s coming, because I’ve been doing the same thing, very consistently, for five years. I reach into my…

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To the End

There is not enough space to write all the supremely wonderful things Jesus did during the three years of his public ministry. But if we could identify the top ten statements of what Jesus did, this one would rise to the top: “He loved them to the end” (John 13:1). Jesus loved his disciples through…

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Titles and Towels

The Holy Spirit exhausted the alphabet in describing Jesus. He was the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. He is the Christ and the Creator, the Daystar of David’s seed. He’s the Everlasting God, Friend of friends, and God of grace. He’s the Helper to the helpless and the Incarnate One, the Just…

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Popeye

Do you remember Popeye the Sailor Man? He was a popular comic book hero who later had his own TV show. I watched it every Saturday morning as a kid. Popeye had tremendous forearms, and always had a pipe in his mouth. He faced his archrival, Bluto, at every turn. Bluto had every advantage over…

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Kobe Bryant

Kobe Bryant was one of the greatest basketball players of all time. Speaking at the ESPYS, he revealed the secret to his success: “Rest at the end, not in the middle.” In recovery, too many of us rest in the middle. We take a break from groups and other recovery work when we aren’t done…

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A.G. Spalding

Before A.G. Spalding was a sporting goods magnate, he was a great baseball player. He was arguably the first great pitcher, winning a remarkable 252 games over a seven-year career, including 52 wins in one season. But it was one move that by which Spalding made his lasting mark. A.G. Spalding was the first baseball…

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Where the Time Goes

Do you ever ask yourself, “Where did the time go?” We have answers. Over the course of our lives, on average, we spend twenty-six years sleeping and another seven years trying to sleep. We spend thirteen years at work, eight years watching TV, four years eating, three years on social media, three years on vacation,…

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A Hawk and a Snake

Two months ago, a Texas woman was attacked by a snake and a hawk at the same time. Peggy Jones, from Silsbee, was mowing her yard when a snake fell from the sky and wrapped itself around her leg. Then the hawk, which has presumably dropped the snake from above, swooped down and began pecking…

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The Master Has Failed

You’ll never be a winner until you risk being a loser. Stephen McCranie said, “The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.”  I love the way gymnast gold medalist Simone Biles said it: “I’d rather regret the risks that didn’t work out than the chances I didn’t take at all.” Taking…

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Jimi Hendrix

Music legend Jimi Hendrix only lived for 27 years. The iconic American songwriter and singer is still regarded as one of the most influential electric guitarists in the history of popular music, though his mainstream career spanned only four years. He is recognized by the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as “arguably the greatest…

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Lance Armstrong

Lance Armstrong was the unquestioned king of cycling, with an unequaled seven Tour de France titles. But it all came unraveled on this date in history. On October 22, 2012, Armstrong was stripped of his titles and banned from the sport he loved. The lifetime ban followed a report from the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency, that…

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Morning Is Coming

One night, a young boy was frightened by a powerful thunderstorm outside his house. The next morning, at breakfast, he asked his father, “Where was God last night in the middle of the storm?” His father answered, “God was busy making morning.” Are you walking through a storm right now? Are you surrounded by darkness?…

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Carry the Cupcakes

There was a fourth-grade student named Tommy, whose mother gave him a box of cupcakes to take to his classmates at school. Unfortunately, Tommy had injured his leg and was on crutches. His mother asked Tommy’s older brother, a sixth grader, to carry the cupcakes for Tommy. The brother said, “I’d rather not.” His mother…

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Independence

America’s independence from Great Britain was essentially secured 242 years ago today. On October 19, 1781, Britain’s Lord Cornwallis surrendered to American General George Washington at Yorktown, Virginia. The Revolutionary War would soon come to an end. Did you notice that date – 1781? That is five years after the birth of the United States…

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21,000 Acres

There are more varieties of trees in North Carolina than in any other state in America. During three months of fall, over five million people pump a billion dollars of income into the state as they come to experience the kaleidoscope of color in the trees.  And then it happened. On August 27, 2011, Hurricane…

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Just One Step

“If God would do _____, I would do ______.”  I hear that a lot. We barter with God. “If he would bring me blessings, I would trust him more.” “If he would reduce my urges to act out, I’d stay sober.” That’s all backwards. The fact is, if you will stay sober, you will find…

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Draw, Antonio!

After Michelangelo died, a piece of paper was found in his studio, on which the old master had scribbled a note to his apprentice. “Draw, Antonio. Draw, Antonio. Draw, and do not waste time.” The great apostle seems to agree with that sentiment. Paul wrote, “Do not waste your time on useless work” (Ephesians 5:11). …

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Near Sodom

It is my favorite Old Testament passage on addiction. When the families of Abraham and Lot had become too numerous for them all to stay together, Abraham gave Lot the first shot at finding a new place where his people could settle. Then we read this troubling verse: “Lot lived among the cities of the…

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Don’t Serve God!

I’m going to say something I don’t think I ever said as a pastor. Quit serving God and start seeking God! If we were honest, most of us would define ourselves as human doings, rather than human beings. The first thing we ask a new friend is, “What do you do?” We measure our worth…

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Our Ultimate Opponent

It is your ultimate opponent – apathy.  You are probably familiar with Edmund Burke’s famous line: “The only thing necessary for evil to triumph in the world is that good men do nothing.” I like the way that John Stott said it: “Apathy is the acceptance of the unacceptable.”  Nothing turns the stomach of God…

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When in Rome

Before Augustine traveled from Milan to Rome, he shared a problem with Ambrose. As a young priest, Augustine wanted to know what he should do about celebrating the Sabbath. Rome celebrated the Lord’s Day on Sunday, while Milan celebrated on Saturday. The discrepancy confused Augustine and caused him to take up the matter with Ambrose.…

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Wizard of Oz

The Wizard of Oz remains one of the most popular movies of all time. In the film, we find Dorothy skipping down the yellow brick road to see the great and powerful Oz and ask him to help her get home to Kansas. Ultimately, we discover the Wizard of Oz is a phony, when Dorothy’s…

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Malcolm Gladwell

I love history and I love great success stories. And this is what I know – every great success story in history happened for one reason.  Someone refused to give up. Hard work and daily practice reap benefits that cannot be found any other way. Malcolm Gladwell estimated that mastery in any field requires a…

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See Jesus

There was an old country church that had a picture of Jesus hanging on the wall behind the pulpit. Worshipers could see the picture above the pastor’s head when he preached on Sundays. But one week, the pastor was out of town, and the man who filled in was quite a bit taller than he…

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Archimedes

Archimedes was a mathematician and physicist in the 3rd century, B.C. He famously said, “Give me a place on which to stand and a lever long enough and I will move the world.” From the example of Archimedes we find two qualities that are indispensable for success in any endeavor: Our concern here is recovery…

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Walked with Him No More

“As a result of this many of his disciples withdrew, and were not walking with him anymore” (John 6:66). That is one of the saddest verses in the Bible. Men who qualified as “disciples” of our Lord walked away from their commitments and faith. Unfortunately, I see it all the time. I have been in…

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500 Needs

In 1900, a survey was conducted. Americans were asked to list their basic needs. The average response consisted of 72 things. In 1950, this survey was repeated. This time, on average, Americans said they needed over 500 things. I can’t imagine how many things would be added to that list today. Here are ten, to…

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How God Heals

God heals. As much as he healed in biblical times, God heals. The lame, the blind, and the addicted. God heals them all. The question is not whether God heals, but how God heals. Sometimes, God heals immediately. “Jesus said, ‘Stretch out your hand.’ So he stretched it out and it was completely restored” (Matthew…

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Cry!

Recovery can be an emotional journey at times. I cried when I was discovered. I cried when I attended my first SAA meeting. I cried in front of my therapist. I cried throughout my disclosure. I cried when I got my 30-day chip. I cried when I got my one-year chip. I cry – a…

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Ought To vs Want To

If church attendance only counted those who really want to be there, I suspect attendance wouldn’t be too good on most Sundays. When I was a pastor, I remember one guy who literally told me, “Preacher, just so ya know, I don’t wanna be here!” Contrast that with the plea of the psalmist, who asked,…

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Climbers and Sailors

Life was never intended to be lived alone. Every great task calls for teamwork, community, and collaboration. We are simply wired for connection. Consider these two examples from history. In 1933, British explorer Frank Smythe attempted to climb Mt. Everest alone. He became so convinced that someone else was with him on the climb that…

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Niagara Bridge

Homan Walsh contributed to the construction of the first suspension bridge over the Niagara River, when he was just a young boy. From the Canadian side, he flew his kite across to the American side where the kite string was fastened to a tree on the shore. Then they took a little cord and they…

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Talk to Yourself

Do you talk to yourself? There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’d be alarmed if you start hearing responses. I heard about a study that found that 96 percent of us talk to ourselves. Talking to yourself is actually biblical. In the 42nd Psalm, the Sons of Korah talked to themselves. They asked themselves the…

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Positive Living

One of the most difficult lessons for me to learn in recovery was that nothing I had ever done caught God off guard. Nor did my addictive behaviors stunt God’s ability to bless me and use me going forward. I had to learn that nothing can really disqualify a person who was never qualified in…

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The Measure We Gave

There is a common saying you hear in recovery groups. “The measure we gave was the measure we got back.” And it’s true. One of the best things you can do to improve your recovery is to help someone else improve theirs. A recent study from Columbia University confirms the power of helping others. Over…

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Battle Plan

Recovery is less about how we respond in the moment and more about how we prepare for the moment. If you wait until the trigger hits to figure out how to respond, you will eventually fail. Sure, there are some situations that sneak up on us. But virtually every test you face will be something…

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Poor Blocking

“We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.”      – John McKay        Former Head Coach, Tampa Bay Buccaneers Success starts by doing one thing well. Another former coach gives us good insight into this principle. Texas A&M basketball coach Shelby Metcalf had to suspend a player from his team due…

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When Prayer Is Hard

There are a lot of misunderstood passages in the Bible. One of those is Luke 11:1. Jesus gave us what we call The Lord’s Prayer in response to the disciples’ inquiry. So what was it that they asked the Master? Their request was not that Jesus would teach them how to pray. They said, “Lord,…

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J.C. Penny

J.C. Penny was asked the key to his success. His answer was succinct. “Adversity and Jesus Christ.” Adversity is a part of life. You don’t get to decide whether or not you will have tough times. But you do get to decide how you will respond in those times.  We have this amazing promise: “We…

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“Be Mine”

In 1847, Oliver Chase invented a machine to make throat lozenges, which led to the beginning of America’s candy industry. With his machine and a tweak to the formula, Chase was able to shape small candy wafers into hearts and imprint them with words. Those little “candy love letters” have been a sweet tradition of…

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#1 Reason People Fail

There are a lot of reasons people fail to reach their goals. In recovery, this is especially true. Many factors play into relapse. But there is one mistake, one shortcoming, that leads to failure more than anything else.  According to business expert and prolific author Harvey Mackay, the #1 reason people fail is that they…

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Gold Watch

Dream big dreams. Shoot for the stars. Aim high, don’t settle, and never look back. Famous architect Daniel Burnham was right: “Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men’s blood and probably themselves will not be realized. Make big plans, aim high in hope and work. Remember that our sons and grandsons…

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Lonely Still

Loneliness is one of the five basic triggers for addiction. It is a threat to our sanity, sobriety, and serenity. One study found that loneliness is as bad for our health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day. Don’t apologize for periods of loneliness. We’ve all been there. King David, the “man after God’s own heart,”…

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Time

God has given us all the same thing every year – 12 months; 365 days; 8,760 hours; 525,600 minutes; 31,536,000 seconds. It’s what we do with that time that counts. J.R.R. Tolkien said, “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” Laura Meyer, clinical therapist, writes, “I…

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Mighty Warrior

There was a period in the history of Israel when God raised up a series of judges who provided leadership and guidance for his children. One of those judges was named Gideon.  You may recall that early in the story of Gideon, he was found hiding from the Midianites to avoid having his crops seized…

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Troubles

“Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. Nobody knows my sorrow. Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. Glory, Hallelujah.”      – Louis Armstrong We have all known trouble. Some of our troubles are self-afflicted (like looking at porn). Others are the product of living in a fallen world. The Bible is clear. “The righteous person may have…

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Advice from a Dog

“I don’t have time to worry about who doesn’t like me. I’m too busy loving the people who love me.”      – Snoopy Don’t worry about the people who are no longer in your corner. When you come clean with your addiction, some of your family members and friends will sever all ties with you. I…

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Taste It

Have you ever had someone in recovery let you down? I sure have! Don’t let the mistakes of a sponsor, counselor, or group member throw you off. There are sinners and hypocrites all over the place – even in recovery groups. But a bad second-hand experience should never convince you recovery is not possible.  Let…

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A Record Dog

A dog recently made the Guinness Book of World Records for doing something no other dog has ever done. Bobi, a purebred Rafeiro do Alentejo, made history by having a birthday. Not just any birthday. Bobi is the world’s oldest dog, at age 31. If you want to bring Bobi a gift, you’ll have to…

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A Silent God

King David, a man after God’s own heart, once lamented, “Lord, do not be silent. Do not be far from me” (Psalm 35:22). What do you do when God is silent? I suggest seven things. Sometimes, God goes silent. But that doesn’t mean he’s not still speaking. He speaks every day, through every sunrise and…

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Learn from Leonardo

Do you tend to be too hard on yourself? Meet the President of the “Too Hard on Myself” Club. Perhaps you’ve heard of him.  Leonardo da Vinci. Noted as perhaps the most accomplished artist in history, da Vinci is credited with the Mona Lisa and the Last Supper, two of the most revered paintings ever.…

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The Unrequired

NBA coach Kevin Eastman has been around dozens of great basketball players, up close. He was asked what made the difference between really good players and exceptional players. “Exceptional players,” said Coach Eastman, “do the things that are unrequired.” He explained that most players live for the praise of their teammates and coaches. They practice…

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Dollhouse

A little girl climbed into her daddy’s lap and asked him to build her a dollhouse. Much to her delight, he promised to do so. Then he left town for an extended business trip. When he returned, he entered his daughter’s room, to find all of her dolls and doll furniture packed in boxes. When…

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Third Rate Cause

On a visit to America, former Russian Premier Nikita Khrushchev was taken to a pro football game. Following the game, he was asked what he thought of American football. Khrushchev replied, “Never have I seen such first-class passion and energy wasted on a third-class cause.” Now, I don’t make it a habit of quoting Russian…

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Apples

There’s a lot of incorrect thinking about . . . apples. For example, we often hear, “It’s as American as apple pie.” The problem with that is that the apple pie was created in England. And apples are native to Asia.  We hear that Adam and Eve ate an apple in the Garden. Of course,…

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Royal Flush

The chance of drawing a royal flush is one in 649,740. That’s about the same odds as finding sexual sobriety on your own. And the odds of drawing any straight flush are one in 72,192. That’s about the same odds as keeping sexual sobriety on your own. And if you don’t know what a royal…

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Prayer and Recovery

There is a close relationship between prayer and recovery. Dr. Rob Whitley, author and psychologist, writes, “New research indicates that regular prayer can have many mental health benefits.” A study completed by Harvard professor Tyler VanderWeele found that young adults who prayed daily tended to have fewer depressive symptoms, and higher levels of satisfaction and…

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19 Years

According to the Cleveland Clinic, sexual addiction begins, on average, at age 18. But the typical addict doesn’t reach out for help until age 37. So they live in their addiction for 19 years before they seek help.  And that’s a shame. There are two problems with waiting 19 years to get help. The Bible…

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Just One Step

“I have a mustard seed, and I know how to use it!”      – God Mustard seeds aren’t that impressive. They are just 0.1 inches in diameter. But mustard trees can reach heights of 30 feet, with branches 20 feet long. You know the verse: “If you have the faith the size of a mustard seed,…

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Edison Needed Help

Let me shed some light on a fake understanding of history. Thomas Edison did not invent the light bulb. At least, not on his own. In a book by Ernest Freeberg, we learn that the original light bulb reflected the work of many inventors, rather than Edison’s genius alone. The research and development culminated with…

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Shell

In 1897, the Shell Transport and Trading Company was launched. Shell began selling gas out of its first gas station, in California, in 1915. Eventually, Shell built eight gas stations that all looked like giant shells. Today, just one such station remains, in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.  From her humble beginnings, Shell now has its headquarters…

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Roller Coasters

In the 1880s, hosiery businessman LaMarcus Thompson was greatly troubled by the hedonistic places like saloons and brothels that had become so prominent for too many Americans. So he set out to straighten up one of the most immoral places he could think of – Coney Island in New York. There, he built America’s first…

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Thorny Prayers

I know a lot of people who teach that if we just love God and have enough faith, we will never have to suffer. Try telling that to the apostle Paul.  This was his story. “Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given…

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Telescopes

When I was about 15, Dad bought us a telescope. My brother and I looked at the moon and other celestial objects for hours. But then boredom set in, so we turned the telescope around and looked through it the other way. Instead of objects looking bigger and closer, they appeared smaller and further away.…

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Titanic

Did you see the movie, Titanic (1997)? You may remember that iconic scene when young Jack, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, stands at the bow of the ship, spreads out his arms, and shouts, “I’m the king of the world!” Most of us would never be so brash as to say that, but when we choose…

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Plan B

There’s Still Hope was never God’s Plan A. There. I said it. What does that mean? I’m glad you asked. The thing is, God’s Plan A was for me to get into recovery 30 years sooner. If I had done that, I would have never lost my pastoral ministry. And we would have never launched…

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Presidential Humor

I don’t know if national leaders outside the United States provide much comedic material, but I am confident America’s leaders – past and present – stand at the forefront of such things. Here are just a few funny lines from some of our leaders. (Note – presidential humor is a bipartisan phenomenon.) The need for…

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The Pool

In order to get to the deep end of the pool, you first go through the shallow end. In recovery, the shallow end is lust and fantasy; the deep end is porn and masturbation. The key to staying out of the deep end is to stay out of the pool altogether. James identified this progression…

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No Place Like Home

“Mid pleasures and palaces Though oft I may roam, Be it ever so humble, There’s no place like home.”      – John Howard Payne God created two great institutions throughout history – the family and the church. It all starts with the family. What happens in the home is everything. Indeed, “there’s no place like home.”…

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A Strange Request

You’ve probably read the same surveys I’ve read. Famous people of all stripes are often asked, “If you could spend time with one person from history, who would it be?” The most common response is always the same: Jesus. By a wide margin, people say they wish they could spend time with Jesus, in the…

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All Other Nations

Have you ever read this damning verse about Israel? “Judah has become like all the other nations” (Ezekiel 25:8). That means that God’s children took on the same character, made the same choices, and adapted the same values as everyone else. And that was a problem. Writing for Harvard Business Review, Patrick M. Lencioni says…

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A New Approach

Not every recovery tool will yield the same results. I came across this little verse the other day. It speaks directly to this issue. “You do not know which will succeed – this or that – or whether both will do equally well” (Ecclesiastes 11:6). The solution is to try multiple strategies that will bring…

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Make Your Bed

A few weeks ago, I asked each of the 96 men who attended that week’s Freedom Groups to name a daily routine that helped with their recovery. One man said what no one else was thinking. “I floss.” Really? What does flossing one’s teeth have to do with recovery? This man explained, referring to a…

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Raise the Bar

Recently, during one of my Freedom Group sessions, a participant said something that has really stuck with me. It was truly profound:  “As we grow in our recovery, our standard of sobriety gets higher.” Let that sink in. As we become stronger in our recovery work and take new ground, something else happens. What we…

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Beatles Lesson

“Help, I need somebody. Not just anybody.”      – The Beatles, 1965 We all need help. And we all need somebody. But we also need to be the somebody whom somebody else needs. Ralph Waldo Emerson said it well: “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable,…

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Elementary

“Elementary, my dear Watson.”      – The Return of Sherlock Holmes, 1929 Elementary is not a bad thing. Every success story has a small beginning. Every athlete, astronaut, doctor, engineer, and Recovery Minute writer had to start someplace. Every scholar graduated from elementary school well before he earned advanced degrees.  Recovery works the same way. Start…

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Masks

In early dramas, a single actor would often play multiple parts, so he would have to put on a different mask to represent each role that he played. Many of us do the same thing. We wear one mask for our friends, another for our family, and one at church. We even wear a mask…

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A New Motor

Sobriety is not your goal. At least, it shouldn’t be. Your goal should not be abstinence – from unwanted sexual behavior or any other sin. So what is the goal? In a word, transformation. We are commanded to “be transformed” (Romans 12:2). We must be “born again” (John 3:7). Every man in Christ is a…

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The Comeback Kid

Everyone loves a good comeback story. And I can think of no better example of a comeback than that of Mark, in the New Testament. I’m biased toward Mark for two reasons: (a) my parents named me after him (erroneously thinking he was one of the twelve apostles), and (b) his is a comeback story.…

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The Rope

I am grateful for the life of Manasseh, the evil king of Judah. Manasseh lived a life of idolatry and sexual immorality. As a result, God allowed him to be taken captive by the evil Assyrian empire. But then everything changed. From captivity, Manasseh cried out to God. “In his distress he sought the favor…

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A Plan that Works

In our addiction, we get everything backwards. Randy Alcorn writes, “God created us to love people and use things, but materialists love things and use people.”  Every addict I know has done the same thing. We use things – and people – to address every pleasure. If someone gets hurt in the process, well, that’s…

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Rubik’s Cube

Guess who created the Rubik’s Cube?  Here’s a better question. How long did it take Erno Rubik to solve the cube after he created it?  Answer: one month. The current world record is 4.22 seconds. Here’s what happened. Erno Rubik invented the famous cube, but it took someone else to learn how to solve it…

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Hunger Games

Hunger. It is one of the most overlooked aspects of recovery. To stay sober, you must stay hungry. And that is not always easy. That’s because the thing that got you into recovery may no longer be a force in your sobriety. The discovery, disease, or disaster may have long since passed. The urgency has…

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The Best State to Live

I heard someone say, “I’m sure that wherever Mom is right now, she is looking down on us. She’s not dead, she’s just condescending.” Do you know anyone like that? Someone who thinks they have “arrived”? They have all the answers. They are beyond temptation. They have life – and recovery – all figured out.…

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“This Is a Football”

Every season, for his first practice, legendary basketball coach John Wooden took the full hour to teach his players how to properly put on their shoes and socks. In a similar fashion, when Vince Lombardi welcomed his new rookies to camp, he always began the same way. Holding a football in his hand, he said,…

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Empathy

It’s the gift everyone needs, but few are willing to pay the price to get it. Empathy. The problem is that empathy doesn’t come naturally for most of us. We want what comes easily. And empathy is rarely on that list. We’ve read the verse a zillion times: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with…

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Out of Your System

I’ve heard many guys say something like this, in the face of their strongest sexual temptations. “I’m just going to do it one more time, so I can get it out of my system.” Here’s the problem with that thinking. By doing what you think will get it out of your system, you are really…

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Withdraw!

“But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray” (Luke 5:16). Withdraw. That was something Jesus did really well. He knew when to withdraw – from the city, the crowds, his disciples, even ministry. How good are you at that – withdrawing?  Dr. Monica Johnson, clinical psychologist, is an expert on stressors that threaten our…

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Prepare

Everyone wants to be a winner. I’ve never met a person who wanted to fail at anything, including recovery. Yet, so many fail.  Why is that? Coach Bear Bryant nailed it. He said, “It’s not the will to win that matters. Everyone has that. It’s the will to prepare to win that matters.” We all…

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One More Hit

“If I only had one more hit.” Millions are in search for that elusive “hit” that will forever satisfy their sexual and relational longings. We are convinced that by getting more of what is never enough, we will finally be content. Through thousands of porn images, hundreds of “hook-ups” and countless nights of self-pleasure, the…

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John Belushi

Isolation is both a trigger and a fear. Being alone is a threat to our recovery, as we thrive on connection, which is the opposite of addiction. Actor John Belushi’s final words were quite telling. Shortly before his death in 1982, he said, “Just don’t leave me alone.” No one wants to be left alone.…

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God’s Megaphone

“He turns midnight into dawn” (Amos 5:8). C.S. Lewis wrote, in The Problem of Pain, “Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain. Pain is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”  Pain is a part of the big plan. What…

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Bullfrogs

Bullfrogs don’t sleep. But don’t let that stop you. Rest is important. Otherwise, God wouldn’t have promised, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest” (Exodus 33:14). The Psychology Today staff writes, “The relationship between sleep and mental health – both positive and negative – is multifaceted and complex. But in…

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Don’t Misread God

We misread God’s work all the time. One of our most common mistakes is that we incorrectly draw a correlation between (a) an easy, happy life, and (b) God’s approval. If things are going great, it is proof that God is good to us. Not so fast. The Old Testament prophet said, “You only have…

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The Cake

We do it four times a year. We bake a chocolate cake – for each of the four birthdays in our family. And while the finished product is fantastic, the individual ingredients themselves don’t taste so good – raw eggs, flour, cake mix, vegetable oil. But put them together and stick it in the oven…

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Your Past

Don’t gloss over your past. Your past can be a great teacher if you let it. Gordon MacDonald wrote, “If your yesterdays are in a state of good repair, they provide strength for today. If not repaired, they create havoc.” Most of us respond to our past in one of two ways, which are both…

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Response

I am grateful for this promise: “The Lord is passionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love” (Psalm 103:8). I can’t imagine where I’d be if not for that grace. But God’s grace doesn’t take away from our need to do the hard work of recovery. James R. Miller said, “It is a great…

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A Time to Give Up

In order to stay sober, you need to know when to surrender. The Old Testament writer said, “There is a time to search and a time to give up” (Ecclesiastes 3:6). For most of us, surrender doesn’t come easily. Why is this? Answer: we are all control freaks. That’s the nature of sin. We want…

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Wisdom

You don’t relapse because you don’t know what to do. You relapse because you don’t do what you know. Mark Twain was right: “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you in trouble.” We don’t lack knowledge; we lack wisdom. David prayed, “God, look within the hearts of men and examine all their motives”…

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The Road Less Traveled

You are probably familiar with Robert Frost’s famous poem, The Road Not Taken, in which he depicts a person facing a dilemma. He has two possible pathways from which to choose – one that is frequently traveled and one that is rarely taken. In the poem, the person chooses the road less traveled.  For the…

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SpaceX

On April 20, Elon Musk’s SpaceX’s newest Starship rocket exploded just a few minutes after take-off. The next day, Musk lost $12.6 billion of his net worth when Tesla’s stock tanked.  His response? Keep moving forward. Musk called the SpaceX explosion a “successful failure.”  When others would drop their head and mope, Elon Musk learned…

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Crooked

Solomon offered interesting wisdom when he said, “What is crooked cannot be straightened” (Ecclesiastes 1:15). That doesn’t mean we are beyond hope. But some of our choices have consequences with which we must live for the rest of our lives. Chuck Swindoll said it well: “No one can deny the relentless pain brought on by…

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The Basement

“Although they knew God, they did not glorify him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their hearts, and their foolish hearts were darkened” (Romans 1:21). The darkened heart is like a basement at the bottom of the stairs. While my childhood home didn’t have a basement, our relatives’ home in Kansas did.…

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Turn Off Your Camera

One of the most common questions I get is, “How do I overcome fantasy?” Of course, there is no silver bullet. The problem is that our biggest sex organ is our brain. As long as we have a brain, fantasy can be a threat. While there are many tools we can use to overcome fantasy…

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Finger Posts

Raise your hand if you can think of any failures in your life. A guy named C.S. Lewis had this to say about failures: “Failures, repeated failures, are finger posts on the road to achievement. One fails forward toward success.” If you really believe in Romans 8:28, you must also believe that God uses our…

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Three Stages of Relapse

Relapses are the predictable outcome of a series of poor choices. A relapse is never an event, but a process. Relapses come in three phases: Don’t focus too much on the physical part of relapse, the actual acting out behavior. Focus more on how you get to that point. Give greater attention to what is…

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Home Alone

Life is full of risks. And it is not always clear, what risks are worth taking. For example, did you know that Warner Brothers was producing the movie, Home Alone, but they pulled the plug on it at the last minute? They decided the $14 million cost was simply too high. There was no way…

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Managing Stress

Stress is not your buddy. In fact, he is your enemy. While some stress can serve to motivate us to meet deadlines and complete projects, excessive stress is one of the major triggers for addiction. There are two kinds of stress. Acute stress is caused by a significant event or dilemma. Chronic stress is tied…

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Shadows

While preparing for his fight with George Foreman, Muhammad Ali said, “I’ve seen George Foreman shadow box, and the shadow won.” Often, the shadow wins.  There are 52 references in the Bible to shadows. Here’s one such reference, tucked away in one of the least-read books of the Old Testament: “Our days on earth are…

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Paper Airplanes

The most coveted record in the history of flight has just been broken. Dillon Ruble, Nathaniel Erickson, and Garrett Jensen, three engineers at Boeing, broke the record in December. What did they do? They designed a paper airplane that flew 290 feet with a single toss. Ruble was the one tasked with throwing the plane.…

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Freedom Day

On this date in 1776, America was born. While we have readers from over 20 different countries, I think we can all agree that the American experiment has turned out pretty well, for the most part. But while I will join millions of others in celebrating our independence today, I recognize that God is not…

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A Better Standard

Can you continue to lust after other people sexually and still be considered sober?  Yes and No. Technically, yes, if your definition of sobriety is that you do not act out physically. No, if you are defining sobriety in terms of your state of mind and your progress in recovery.  SA’s White Book defines sobriety…

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Outside Shooters

Basketball player Weldon Drew quipped, “We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all of our games are played indoors.” Location is everything. Here’s the good news. When you walk with God, you will never be alone, and you will always be in a place where he can really bless you. God promised his…

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Boredom

Let’s talk about one of the five primary triggers for acting out – boredom.  Solomon had something to say about boredom. “Slothfulness casts into a deep sleep, and an idle person will suffer hunger” (Proverbs 19:15). Some studies indicate that 90 percent of Americans suffer from boredom at some point each day. Dr. Shahram Heshmat,…

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30,000 Bees

As everybody knows, bees are currently at risk due to colony collapse disorder. Gary Schempp did something about it. He saved 30,000 bees from certain death by creating a better place for them to live, then transported them to their new home. At last check, the bees were still buzzing over their new digs. Now…

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Finding Answers

“In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.”      – Charlie Brown, Peanuts We all need answers to life’s questions: For answers to life’s questions, we start with God’s Word. Always go there first. But sometimes, we also need the help of another person. That is God’s plan. Paul said it well: “Whatever…

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Podcasts

Alice Cooper said, “If you’re listening to a rock star to get information on who to vote for, you’re a bigger moron than they are.” Solomon said, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel” (Proverbs 11:14). The question is, where do…

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Be Positive

We all thrive under encouragement and die under criticism. Solomon said it like this: “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24). Unfortunately, we can’t always count on receiving a lot of encouragement from others. We need to create our own attitude of positivity. Leaders with the…

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The Remote

Charlie Brown debuted in newspapers across the United States in 1950. For the next 50 years, he brought wisdom to readers far and wide. One of his many nuggets rings true for all of us: “Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.” Have you had a slip or relapse lately? If you…

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The Key Ingredient

Experts at the Mayo Clinic have identified a key ingredient to successful recovery from any addiction. Friends. They write, “Friendships can have a major impact on your health and well-being, but it’s not always easy to develop or maintain friendships.” The famed clinic shares several benefits of strong friendships: The Bible is pro-friends. Paul wrote,…

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A Forest

Jadav Payeng was tired of watching the local wildlife suffer for lack of shade, so he did something about it. Payeng planted a single bamboo tree. Then he planted a second tree. And then a third. Payeng would eventually plant enough trees to become a thickly wooded forest covering 1,360 acres.  Payeng’s job was not…

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Scary Sneezing

I have endured a few scares in my lifetime. When I was eight, I ran through a glass door, resulting in deep cuts all over my body. At 27, the doctor said I probably had a serious cancer in my back. (I didn’t.) At 55, I rode Tower of Terror at Disney World. At 62,…

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Gentle Jesus

“I am gentle.”      – Jesus (Matt. 11:29) There are many words Jesus could have used to describe himself. But he said gentle. “I am gentle.” Remember that the next time you are tempted to condemn someone due to a relapse or some other mistake.  Be gentle. There is someone else who needs you to be…

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Forget It!

Recovery is all about looking forward. You can’t move forward while looking back. God’s Word says, “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?” (Isaiah 43:18). I love that: “Remember not the former things.” That is…

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Repeat the Verse

“Do it again on the next verse, and people will think you meant it.”      – Chet Adkins What’s true in music is true in life. When a singer repeats the same line over and over, it becomes memorable. We get the point – he is sending a clear message. Repetition communicates sincerity and importance.  It’s…

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Helping Others

One of the best ways to secure your recovery is to help others to secure theirs. May we be like the psalmist who promised God, “Then will I teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you” (Psalm 51:13). When we encourage others in their recovery, and they respond, God awaits, full of mercy…

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7th Step Prayer

Paul wasn’t talking about recovery, but he could have been when he said, “It does not depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy” (Romans 9:16).  Augustine said, “Trust the past to the mercy of God, the present to his love, and the future to his providence.” You have trusted your own instincts,…

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Laughter

Don’t regret the hard times. Everything God has allowed, he will use. He will never let your most painful moments go to waste. And those times will not last forever.  Jack Hyles offered good insight when he said, “Laughter means nothing unless there have been tears.” I’m guessing that along your journey of addiction or…

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The First Roller Coaster

People have been looking for ways to blow money since the Lydian Lion coin was created 2,700 years ago. In slightly more modern times, tourists couldn’t resist the urge to ride the world’s first roller coaster, even if it cost them something. Actually, it wasn’t supposed to be a roller coaster. When tourists witnessed rail…

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Bourbon

On this day in history, June 14, 1789, a preacher named Elijah Craig introduced bourbon to America. The high reverend was the first to distill whiskey from maize. He named his concoction “bourbon” because he lived in Bourbon Country, Kentucky. If you google “Elijah Craig sermons” you will come up dry. But if you google…

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The “P” Word

Passion is everything. It trumps intelligence, talent, and organization. You will never get far without passion.  Steve Jobs was right: “People with passion can change the world for the better.” Those who knew Jobs well will tell you that his passion was not about computers, but the impact that personal computers could have on the…

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Dreams

“Lose your dream, you lose your mind.”      – Rolling Stones, Ruby Tuesday We all need to dream big dreams. Here are a few of my dreams: What are your dreams? God is into dreams. He wants you to have great dreams, dreams that fit his plan for your life of recovery. My prayer for you…

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Do Something Today

Let me offer you the best advice you may get all day: Do something today that tomorrow will thank you for. Whatever you do today will have future consequences. You make your decisions, then your decisions make you. You can bank on that.  The prophet warned, “You have borne the penalty of your lewdness and…

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Accountability

Accountability – you can’t stay sober without it. But what makes good accountability good? Peter Bregman, executive coach, and best-selling author, wrote an enlightening article, “The Right Way to Hold People Accountable.” He suggests five keys to effective accountability: You need to be accountable to someone else. And as you grow in your recovery, you…

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Honest Arrogance

Frank Lloyd Wright wrote, “Early in my career, I had to choose between an honest arrogance and a hypocritical humility. I deliberately choose an honest arrogance, and I’ve never been sorry.” It’s okay to know you are good at something. But is it really necessary to tell everyone how good you are? With all due…

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Lessons from War

On this date in history, June 8, 1862, the Battle of Cross Keys became a seminal moment in the American Civil War. On that day, Confederate General Stonewall Jackson saved the Army of Northern Virginia from a Union assault on the James Peninsula, which was led by General George B. McClellan.  On June 8, 1862,…

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It’s How We Help

The 12th Step tells us to help others find recovery. Ben Franklin tells us how: “Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.” In order to secure our own recovery, we must help others to secure theirs. We do that by example, not lectures. It is by walking…

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Amber Alerts

We are all familiar with Amber alerts, in America. These are alerts that go out over everyone’s smartphones, notifying us that someone has suddenly gone missing. But where did Amber alerts begin? The girl behind the Amber alerts was Amber Hagerman, a nine-year-old Girl Scout from Arlington, Texas. She was kidnapped while riding her bike…

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The Truth Hurts

In one of the great movies of all time, Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) said, “The truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” That line from Naked Gun 2.5 still resonates. Many times, the truth does hurt. When you discovered your dad was hooked…

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Mother’s Advice

Erma Bombeck described her relationship with her mother: “When my mother asked, ‘Can I give you a piece of advice?’ it was a mere formality. Regardless of my response, I was going to get a piece of Mother’s advice.” Now, we may not always want wise counsel. But we always need wise counsel. The Bible…

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The Perfect Date

Bob asked Jerry, “Describe your perfect date.” Jerry responded, “I’d have to say April 25. It’s not too hot and it’s not too cold.” I think Jerry missed the point of Bob’s question. The fact is, those who are single are always on a search for that elusive person we call “the perfect date.” Unfortunately,…

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Fruit Loops

Let’s start the day with a deep philosophical question.  Did you know that even though Fruit Loops are different colors, they all have the same flavor? While you ponder that, let me move on. The Bible says, “The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one body. So it is with…

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The Wrong Ladder

Artist William Blake completed a well-known etching that featured a little man climbing a ladder toward the moon. The caption read, “I Want! I Want!” We are all like that little man. In our restlessness, we climb and climb, in search for the satisfaction we want. When we finally make it to the top of…

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Storm Windows

It has happened several times since we moved to Florida, just a few miles from the coast. A hurricane has threatened to relocate us to Georgia. Each time that happens, I get a truck, run down to a lumber yard, and buy a bunch of plywood. Once again, it’s time to board up. We cut…

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More to Follow

Years ago, an anonymous painting of Niagara Falls ended up in a gallery. Because the artist hadn’t given the painting a title, the gallery personnel decided to entitle the painting “More to Follow.” That captures the essence of Niagara Falls. Billions of gallons of water have poured over the Falls over the years, but we…

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Beating the Bully

Little Johnny had had enough. He was tired of the school bully taking his $5 lunch money every day, so he decided to do something about it. Johnny signed up for karate classes so he could learn to defend himself. But it wasn’t long before Johnny discovered that the cost of karate lessons was $10…

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Ain’t That a Shame?

Shame is not your friend.  Guilt says, “You’ve done something bad.” Shame says, “You are bad.” If anyone could have lived in shame, it was the Apostle Paul, who had persecuted Christians prior to his own conversion. But Paul learned to run from shame.  In his great theological treatise, Paul asked, “Who will bring any…

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Tell Your Face!

I once knew a Christian who was always down in the dumps. I asked him, “Why don’t you have the joy of the Lord?” He replied, “I do! I’m very happy!” I said, “Tell your face!” That conversation never really happened. But it could have. I know a lot of people who are very serious,…

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The Dumpster

Imagine that you saw a man hanging around a dumpster. He looked hungry, so you gave him a $100 gift card to the supermarket just a few steps away. With that card he could purchase anything he wanted – steak, seafood, snacks, desserts, or produce. Your gift card would supply him with enough meals to…

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The Best of All

It has been reported that John Wesley’s final words were, “The best of all is, God is with us.” That is a powerful promise. In your addiction, God is with you. In your pain, God is with you. In your betrayal, God is with you. You can’t chase him away. You can’t outrun God. Even…

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A Whole Heart

“Amaziah was 25 years old when he became king, and he reigned for 29 years in Jerusalem. He did right in the sight of the Lord, yet not with a whole heart” (2 Chronicles 25:1-2). Amaziah became king at an age when most of us are still trying to graduate from college. To his credit,…

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Jesus Was Hungry

“The next day, as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry” (Mark 11:12). In my mind, I easily see a conquering Jesus. I see a healing Jesus, a preaching Jesus, and a miracle-working Jesus.  But a hungry Jesus? The day before Jesus was hungry, Jesus was busy. He rode into Jerusalem triumphantly. He visited the…

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The Last Ten Feet

Can you ever quit doing recovery work? What if you have ten years of sobriety? Or twenty?  I love the way Dr. Milton Magness says it: “You might outgrow addiction, but you’ll never outgrow recovery.” Let me use an analogy. Imagine that you are climbing a 14,000-foot mountain. The more you climb and the higher…

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15 Years

God promised King Hezekiah, “I will add 15 more years to your life” (2 Kings 20:6). If you had a guarantee of 15 more years, what would you do with that promise? Let me suggest a few things. I give you 15 ideas for 15 years. Make your own list. Be proactive with your life…

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Molly Brown

It happened on April 14, 1912, at 11:40 p.m. The unsinkable did the unthinkable. The RMS Titanic sank 2.5 miles to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. Of the 2,208 people aboard, about 1,500 died in the icy waters. But 712 survived. The most famous of the survivors was Molly Brown, who lived another 20…

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Liberty or Death

On March 2, 1775, Patrick Henry spoke at St. John’s Church in Richmond, Virginia. He offered this famous line: “I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death.” We should all cherish liberty as much as Patrick Henry did. Slaves to our addictions, we have…

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Some

I recently came across a little verse in one of the least quoted books of the Bible. John, one of the early followers of Christ, was checking up on the development of new believers. Word came back to John. Notice his response to that report: “It has given me great joy to find some of…

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The First Toy on TV

Mr. Potato Head was invented by George Lerner in 1949, and distributed widely by Hasbro. The new children’s toy was an overnight success. And anything that is a success is worth talking about. Within three years, the world had met Mr. Potato Head. In 1952, it became the first toy advertised on national television. Anything…

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Change

What is recovery? The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) defines recovery as “a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential.” The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) offers a slightly different definition. They write, “Recovery is an…

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Bad Way to Burn Calories

There are several ways to burn calories. Swim one hour and you’ll burn 250 calories. By riding a bike for an hour, you can burn another 600. Walking an hour will burn 300 more.  If that’s not enough, try beating your head against a wall. Seriously. If you strike your head against a wall for…

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Proverbs

Looking for a good laugh? Consider these nuggets of wisdom from the great Mark Twain. Better yet, let’s consider some even deeper truths from King Solomon. I love to read. Some of my favorite topics are history, theology, philosophy, politics, biographies, and sports. I enjoy the classics – the works of Tolstoy, Dickens, Twain, and…

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Addiction Cycle

If you want an in-depth description of the addiction cycle, read the works of men who are much smarter than me – such as Milton Magness and Patrick Carnes. If you are a simple man like me, the following description may make sense. As I look back over the decades in which I lived in…

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Preparation

Preparation is everything. Think of anything you’d like to accomplish: running a marathon, saving some money, losing 15 pounds, securing long-term sobriety. In each case, preparation is everything. Abraham Lincoln is quoted as saying, “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four hours sharpening the axe.” If…

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Boanthropy

You can believe anything you want, but that doesn’t make it true. I can believe I’m an NBA superstar, but that belief will not get me a great jump shot. I can believe I’m a millionaire, but that won’t pay the bills.  Believing something and being something are two different things.  Did you know there…

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The Answer to Worry

Worry. It’s something we are all really good at. We all know how to worry and we all worry more than we should. The great Charlie Brown said it like this: “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” As an addict,…

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Mr. Beast

I googled “Famous people born on May 7.” These are the 12 names that came up: Tommy Fury, J Balvin, Jacob Bongiovi, Julia Antonelli, Chad Tepper, Sarah Baska, Rico Nasty, Tahani Anderson, Blake Rivera, Michael Rosen, Chiara Ferragni, and Mr. Beast. (Yes, Mr. Beast.) I’ve heard of exactly one of them – Tommy Fury (boxer).…

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Why People Fail

Bestselling author Harvey Mackay has identified seven reasons that people fail in any endeavor. These hold true for recovery. I suggest you identify just one item from this list, which applies to your life and struggles. Correct this shortcoming, and you will see your recovery rise to an unprecedented level. Make the following passage of…

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The First Jenner

Before there was Bruce Jenner, Caitlyn Jenner, Kendall Jenner, or Kylie Jenner, there was a man named Edward Jenner. While Edward never made the cover of People magazine, never changed sexes, or did any of the other things that make today’s headlines, he did have one thing on his resume that is pretty impressive.  In…

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Others Will Hate

“Don’t be surprised if the world hates you” (1 John 3:13). Why did that verse have to be there? I mean, if we do everything right, we will be loved and celebrated by everyone in our path, right? Wrong. If you base your confidence, let alone your recovery, on the opinions of others, get ready…

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It Doesn’t Make Sense

Some things just don’t make sense. Let’s consider just a few examples. There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburgers, and no pine or apple in pineapples. English muffins were not invented in England, and French fries were not invented in France. Quicksand takes you down slowly, and boxing rings are square. Vegetarians…

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Pursuing Passions

The biggest reason we get into trouble is that we don’t get into anything else first. In recovery, it is critical that we replace unhealthy passions with passions that are worthwhile. In his book, Facing the Shadows, Dr. Patrick Carnes writes, “Practice hobbies, sports, and activities you enjoy. Cultivate these parts of your life so…

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Jabez

Jabez was barely mentioned in the Bible. His story, along with his famous prayer, is found in 1 Chronicles 4:9-10. “Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, ‘I gave birth to him in pain.’ Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, ‘Oh, that you would bless me…

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Sliding Socks

There’s only one person who doesn’t have any hidden struggles. That is the person you haven’t met. Once you get to know them, you will discover they are just like everyone else. They have personal struggles that are not always obvious to the rest of us. Someone said, “I walk around like everything’s fine, but…

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Two Kinds of Worries

Duke Ellington said, “There are two kinds of worries – those you can do something about and those you can’t. Don’t spend any time on the latter.” I find myself reciting The Serenity Prayer more and more these days. It reminds me to separate the things I can do something about from those things over…

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Spectators and Athletes

Paul wrote to Timothy, “Train yourself to be godly. Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better” (1 Timothy 4:7-8). The word that is translated “training” referred specifically to the disciplined training done by gymnasts in Paul’s day. The commentators of The Recovery Bible add, “It is amazing what human beings can…

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Unfelt Presence

“You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you” (Psalm 9:10). Let that sink in.  In recovery, we must endure a lot of trials, temptations, and tests. We must deal with our past, pain, and persecution. We must move beyond our hurts, habits, and hang-ups. But there is one thing you never have to…

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How to Be Happy

You want to be happy. We all do. But how do we find happiness? Let’s consider the research. Studies show that happiness is not simply an outcome of success, but is an ingredient to create success. Dr. Sonja Lyuboirsky explains that a worthwhile life comes from happiness, not the other way around.  Harvard psychologist Jal…

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Know When to Run

“You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em Know when to fold ‘em Know when to walk away And when to run.”      – Kenny Rogers, The Gambler, 1976 That is the story of every addict. He must learn when to walk away and when to run.  Never was there a harder lesson for me to…

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No More Vows

Jonah was hardly an exemplary example of integrity and obedience. But once he had been disciplined by God, once he had paid for his poor decisions, he came to one life-changing commitment.  The young prophet declared, “I will fulfill my vows” (Jonah 2:9). One can question whether Jonah’s follow-through matched his intentions. At least for…

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The Problem with Lucy

When I want deep philosophical thought, I turn to . . . Charlie Brown. One day, Lucy looked at Charlie Brown and saw that he was depressed. She said, “Charlie Brown, the problem with you is that you are you.” Charlie responded, “Oh, and what can I do about that?” Lucy replied, “I’m not here…

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A Rope

A hiker was walking down a country road one day when he heard a voice in the distance. “Help me! Someone help me now!” As the hiker followed the direction of the voice, he eventually came upon a horrifying scene. A man had fallen into a sea of quicksand, and was flailing helplessly as he…

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How to Be Holy

“God chose us to be holy” (Ephesians 1:4). More than anything else, you were created for holiness. In order to live a life of holiness, you and I must disengage from unholiness. That means cutting ourselves off from the behaviors which Jesus personally identified as being contrary to the life we are called to live.…

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A Way Out

The resurrection is the hinge on which the door of the Gospel swings. Yale professor and theologian Jaroslav Pelikan said, “If Christ is risen, nothing else matters. And if Christ is not risen, nothing else matters.” Paul affirmed this sentiment: “If Christ be not risen, your faith is in vain” (1 Corinthians 15:14). If you…

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A Reporter’s Miracle

Christopher Heimerman is a writer for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. He checked all the boxes: But there was another side to Heimerman’s life. In his own words, “Hours after church, I was often funneling beer or whiskey in the quiet, dark corners of our house. Yet another domino tipped. Another week of drinking every day…

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Preoccupied

Most of us care about ourselves more than we care about anyone else. Carl Jung said it like this: “It is a sin to be too preoccupied with yourself.” That is how we stay in addiction. We are too preoccupied with ourselves, our own pleasures, and our own lusts. It is that preoccupation that leads…

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Taj Mahal

The Taj Mahal stands out from the plains of Agra in Northern India. It is a testimony to the love of Shah Jahan for his favorite wife. Built in the 17th century, it took 20,000 workers 16 years to build the world’s most elaborate edifice.  God expressed his love in a different way.  “This is…

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It’s Who You Are

A rabbit came upon a rattlesnake in the woods. The rattlesnake hissed, “I know what you are! You have big ears, a fluffy tail, and a wiggly nose. You’re a rabbit!” The rabbit responded to the rattlesnake, “I know what you are, too! You have beady eyes, a big mouth, a slick appearance, and diamonds…

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Their Own

“They confessed their own sins” (Nehemiah 9:2). That is the story of the Jewish exiles who returned to Jerusalem in the days of Ezra and Nehemiah. They were working Steps 4 and 5 before Steps 4 and 5 had even been written. Taking a personal inventory of their shortcomings, they then released them with repentant…

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Compassion

There is a great story in the New Testament about Jesus healing a man with leprosy (Mark 1:40-45). Notice how the story begins. “A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. ‘If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,’ he said. Moved with compassion,…

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The Man Who Invented Sliced Bread

“That’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.” We’ve all said that a zillion times. Sliced bread has become the measuring stick of all great inventions. But has it ever occurred to you that there really was a person who invented sliced bread? Meet Otto Rohwedder, of Davenport, Iowa. Working for Chillicothe Baking Company, Mr. Rohwedder…

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The Running God

Let’s play Bible Trivia. Can you name the only time in the Bible when God is shown running? Answer – Luke 15:20 “So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and…

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The Rising Corpse

Here are just a few strange, but true stories. A man went to a funeral, and he saw the deceased rise from the casket and stand in front of the church as the attendees entered. A woman returned home from work one day, only to find the sofa cushions arranged on the floor in the…

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Take a Bow

Martin Luther told the story of his professor who started every class the same way. He’d enter the room, hang up his coat, then bow before each student, one by one. Eventually, Luther managed the courage to ask the professor why he did this. The professor explained, “I bow before you in honor of what…

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No Gaps Remained

I’ve been reading through the Book of Nehemiah. It has long been one of my favorite books of the Bible. But yesterday, I came across a little verse that had escaped me until now. “Sanballat, Tobiah, Geshem the Arab, and the rest of our enemies found out that I had finished rebuilding the wall and…

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Samaria

Between one set of miracles and another, the Bible says, “Now Jesus had to go through Samaria” (John 4:14). And so he was on his way, from Judah to Galilee, passing through the land of Samaria – an unwelcome place. The Samaritans were considered half-breeds, as they were the offspring of Jews and Gentiles. They…

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Thy Will Be Done

Surrender is the central theme of recovery. Until you surrender your will to God’s, he cannot do for you what you have been unable to do for yourself. I love the way C.S. Lewis said it: “One of two things will happen to you. You will tell God, ‘Thy will be done.’ Or in the…

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Puddles

“Now John also was baptizing at Aenon near Salim, because there was plenty of water there” (John 3:23). I’m sure I’ve read that verse at least a hundred times. But it never hit me like it did today. For some reason, I never caught the impact of the last seven words: “because there was plenty…

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Lou Gehrig

Lou Gehrig was one of the greatest hitters in the history of baseball, and a true gentleman. He famously never argued with the umpires. That is why one particular game stood out. After taking a third strike, Gehrig turned to the home plate umpire and said something that no one else could hear. He then…

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Do You Feel Lucky?

“You’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?”       – Clint Eastwood, Dirty Harry (1971)  I’ve learned one overarching lesson from my years of recovery, study, and working with men in addiction. Lucky is not a plan. Let me explain. Too often, in our quest for recovery, we just…

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Duck!

On this date in history, 42 years ago, President Ronald Reagan nearly died in office. On March 30, 1981, less than three months into his first term, Reagan was shot by John Hinckley as he left a Washington hotel. A few days later, Reagan explained what he did wrong, with his typical sense of humor.…

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15,000 Times a Day

According to various research projects, we have 15,000 thoughts per day, 80 percent of which are negative and 95 percent are repetitive. Most of our thoughts are random, unintended, and trivial. A productive thought life does not come naturally. Henry Ford said, “Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason so…

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The Best Timber

A hiker crossed paths with a farmer who was hiking up a mountain with an ax in his hand. The hiker asked the farmer why he had the ax, and the farmer answered, “I’m climbing the mountain with an ax to cut up some timber because I’m making a wagon.” The hiker replied, “But look…

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The Greatest Invention

In 1955, Eugene Polley changed the course of human history. That was the year when the 47-year employee of Zenith Electronics invented the TV remote control. That was just one of Polley’s 18 patents. But who cares about the other 17? The remote control has saved millions of lazy television viewers the hardship of getting…

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Muhammad Ali and UFOs

On March 31, 1973, Ken Norton defeated Muhammad Ali in decisive fashion, breaking his jaw in the second round. Their rematch came six months later, on September 10. But something bizarre happened three nights before their second fight. Both fighters made a joint appearance on The Tonight Show, with Johnny Carson. After Norton discussed the…

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Overcomers

On October 31, 1517, Martin Luther – an obscure Augustinian monk – nailed a document protesting the teachings and practices of the Church to the main door of Castle Church in Wittenberg. His actions sparked the flames of the Protestant Reformation. In 1939, Nicholas Winton – an ordinary 39-year-old stockbroker from London – managed to…

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Only in Texas

Before we begin, for the sake of transparency, let me say that I’m from Texas and will always consider myself a proud Texan. Maybe that’s why I can recognize the wisdom of these laws that are still on the books in Texas. For the first 55 years of my life, I lived in Texas. Today,…

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The Long Way Home

“The end of the matter is better than its beginning” (Ecclesiastes 7:8). The Book of Exodus gives us the account of God’s children making their way from Egypt to the Promised Land. Had they taken the most direct route, it would have been a 200-mile trek. But God led them on the long route, which…

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Why We Fall Short

Setting goals is not the problem. The problem is setting the right goals, and then sticking with them. Make no mistake. God wants you to set goals and he wants you to be successful. We read, “May God give you the desire of your heart and make your plans succeed” (Psalm 20:4).  So why do…

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The Secret Sauce

The secret sauce of recovery is community. You cannot find recovery without it. You were made for community. To try to stay sober on your own is to mock the God who said to “be perfectly united [with others] in mind and thought” (1 Corinthians 1:10). Daniel Siegel wrote, in Aware, “Relationships are not icing…

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Rest

“Some of you chaps should go home and take naps.”       – Dr. Seuss There are five primary triggers that make us want to act out. You can remember them with the acronym “B.L.A.S.T.” We tend to relapse when we are . . . Let’s talk about that last one – tired. One of the worst…

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Hang On to Your Harp

Psalm 137:2 “There on the willows we hung our harps.” The children of God had passed from the uttermost to the gutter most. Once proud inhabitants of the land that flowed with milk and honey, they were now enslaved in the land of Babylon. Their response was understandable: “By the rivers of Babylon we sat…

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Life Is Short

Life is short. Let me give you just a few examples. Why do I share these horrifying stories? Because I want to reinforce the fact that life is fragile and life is short. So what’s my point? My point is that each of us would be wise to measure the state of our sobriety, recovery,…

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Daily Thoughts

A 2020 study of 184 participants found that we have an average of 6,000 thoughts per day. Other studies take this number to 60,000 or 70,000. Another study found that 80 percent of our daily thoughts are negative. Our minds tend to run to the worst case scenario. We are consumed with thoughts about all…

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Four Voices

What you do tomorrow will be determined by the voice you listen to today. Patrick Morley, founder of Man in the Mirror, says that throughout each day, we listen to four voices: We can’t always cut off these voices, but we do get to choose which ones we will listen to and which ones we…

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The Pastor’s Massage

One Sunday, when the pastor was out of town, the church bulletin provided this announcement: “With Pastor Johnson out this week, please give his massages to his secretary.” One letter can mean everything. In case you didn’t catch that, there is a big difference between a message and a massage.  In English, one letter can…

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The $30 Million Mistake

On November 15, 2006, Abraham Lee Shakespeare stopped at the Town Star convenience store in Frostproof, Florida, to buy a soft drink. He had $5 to his name, and he spent $2 of that on a couple of lottery tickets. One of the tickets won big. Shakespeare became a millionaire – 30 times over. Two…

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The First Coke

On this date in 1894, Coca-Cola was bottled and sold for the first time, in Vicksburg, Mississippi, by local fountain owner Joseph Bieden. Today, 1.9 billion servings of Coca-Cola will be served in over 200 countries. Annual revenues total $38 billion. Since its first offering, several new renditions of Coke have been introduced: Diet Coke…

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Every Thought

A businessman came home from the office and collapsed on the living room couch, completely exhausted.  “What’s wrong?” asked his wife. “It was terrible,” said her husband. “All of our office computers went down today, so we had to do our own thinking.” I predate the laptop. I was raised back in the day when…

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The God Who Sees

“He said, ‘Hagar, Sarai’s maid, where have you come from and where are you going?’ Then she called on the name of the Lord who spoke to her, ‘You are a God who sees’” (Genesis 16:8, 13). You may remember this story. Hagar was pregnant. She had fled from her nemesis Sarai. But the Lord…

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Fish Climbing a Tree

Every person you know knows something that you don’t. So you have something to learn from everyone. And everyone has something to learn from you. That’s because we all have strengths and we all have weaknesses. Albert Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by his ability to climb a…

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Lesson from the Shepherds

In 1966, the new Metropolitan Opera House opened in New York. It was one of the social events of the 20th century.  But imagine if the Board of the Metropolitan Opera had said, “For our opening night, with the greatest orchestra ever assembled, we’re going to invite homeless people, and as many down and out…

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Friends

Here are some things you need to know. You yawn the most after breakfast. You lose weight if you sleep in a cold room. You are the tallest thing in the morning. Sharp knives are safer than dull knives. People with friends live longer. Wait. Let’s go back to that last one. People with friends…

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Not Yet

In my world, people fall into one of two groups. They are either walking in purity and freedom or they want to be. Those who want to be may be holding onto old habits or embedded in unhealthy relationships. They want out, but they just aren’t ready yet. St. Augustine once quipped, “Lord, help me…

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#1 Key to Sobriety

I recently read an article titled, 40 Tips for Staying Sober Under Pressure. I’m sure you can google it. It’s right there, with other articles on the 11 Tips, 7 Tips, and 21 Tips articles.  But let’s cut to the chase. I will give you the #1 way to stay sober. It works every time. …

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“We All Fall Down!”

“Ring around the rosie A pocket full of posies Ashes! Ashes! We all fall down!”       – Kate Greenaway, 1881 Peter and Iona Opie, the leading authorities on nursery rhymes, suggest that the meaning of this timeless rhyme is tied to the Great Plague of 1665, in which millions “fell down.” “We all fall down” is…

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Knute Rockne

In 1931, Knute Rockne died in a plane crash at the age of 43. Having led Notre Dame’s football program for the last ten years, Rockne was recognized as America’s first great college coach. His lessons are still taught in locker rooms and on football fields today.  Here’s just one gem from the legendary coach:…

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First Pillar of Recovery

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) identifies four pillars of recovery: Let’s talk about the first one, which we probably focus on the least as addicts.  John wrote, “Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health” (3 John 1:2). Self-care is absolutely…

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A Dark Day in History

For those of us living in the United States, this is a dark day in our nation’s history. On this date, February 25, 1913, Congress passed the 16th Amendment, which set the legal basis for the national income tax. No one enjoys tax day. Otherwise, they would pay more taxes than is required. But paying…

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Stay At Your Post

“And the lookout shouted, ‘Day after day, my lord, I stand on the watchtower; every night I stay at my post’” (Isaiah 21:8). In recovery, the prize goes to the man who stays at his post. It’s not about doing something spectacular. It’s not about being named “Recovery Man of the Year.” It’s about staying…

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Where Sobriety Begins

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems.”      – Alcoholics Anonymous  “For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you’” (Isaiah 41:13). Recovery is a long road. The first step is always the same – acceptance. Step 1…

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Because He Lives

“Because I know He holds the future,  And life is worth the living,  Just because He lives.”      – Because He Lives        Bill Gaither Because He Lives was written by Bill and Gloria Gaither when they were expecting their first child in the late 1960s. They were going through a traumatic time, as Bill was recovering…

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Algebra

When I was a kid, I often explained my resistance to doing homework with a timeless refrain. “I will never need this in real life!” I appreciate social commentator Fran Lebowitz, who wryly observed, “In real life, there is no such thing as algebra.” Perhaps Solomon was thinking about algebra when he lamented, “It’s all…

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Nothing Is Possible

I heard someone say, “People say nothing is impossible. I disagree. I do nothing every day.” I have found that it is the people who do nothing that get into the most trouble. By not staying busy, they create a vacuum. And just about anything can fill an open vacuum. One of the five basic…

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Bad Driver

An unobservant driver made an illegal right turn onto another street. Exasperated, he turned to his young son in the passenger seat and said, “That was stupid! I just made an illegal right turn!” His son offered encouragement. “Aw, dad, it’s okay. The police car right behind us just did the same thing.” That boy…

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The Fence

There was a young boy who struggled with profanity. His father took him to a field across the street from their home, where there stood an old fence. He gave his son a box of nails and a hammer. “Every time you say a bad word, hammer a new nail into the fence,” he said. …

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Regrets

“Regrets, I’ve had a few. But then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do, And saw it through without exemption.”       – Frank Sinatra, My Way Regrets – we’ve all had a few. Let’s talk about regrets. According to psychologist Tom Gilovich, there is a difference between short-term and long-term regrets.…

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God Really Does This?

God does a lot of things. He creates. He saves. He redeems. He forgives. He protects. He leads. He provides. He overcomes. He heals.  But there’s more. God does something else. The old prophet declared, “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with…

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Overcoming Failure

Recovery is about more than stringing together several days of sobriety. Recovery is as much about overcoming failures as it is about creating success. I read an interesting article in Forbes (October, 2020), which addresses seven ways to overcome failure. One of the keys is profound: “Don’t be tempted to lower your ambitions.” In other…

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Four Inches

“According to the map, we’ve only gone four inches.”      – Jeff Daniels, Dumb and Dumber (1994) Have you ever felt that way? In my personal recovery, there have been so many times that I felt like, despite a lot of really good effort, I had only progressed four inches. But here’s the deal – recovery…

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Broken Records

There’s an old saying in sports – “Records are made to be broken.” Well, here are a few records that might never be broken: Paul was a champion of breaking records, of reaching heights never achieved before. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). Now, think “recovery.” What can you…

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Read It and Run

“Write the vision, make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it” (Habakkuk 2:2). That gem from the minor prophet has echoed through the chambers of time. Its message is timeless. Habakkuk is simply saying that once you get a clear vision of your destiny, you can sprint in the right direction…

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Addiction Test

Most of our readers are either sex addicts or are married to one. But some of you, while struggling with sexually compulsive activities, are not yet certain if you really qualify as an addict. Since there is no blood test for sexual addiction, a diagnosis will always include a level of subjectivity.  But for most…

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Funny Sports Injuries

My favorite sports are: American football, basketball, and baseball. In the first two of those sports, I’m amazed at the ability of athletes to play through injuries. With baseball, not so much. Here are just a few ways baseball players injured themselves badly enough to have to miss dozens of games. I think the lesson…

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Tag Teams

According to many professional wrestling experts, the greatest wrestling tag team of all time was The Road Warriors, known individually as Animal and Hawk. From 1983 to 2014, this ruthless tag team won dozens of titles, including the NWA World Championship three times.  Here’s how they did it. When Animal got into trouble, Hawk would…

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Step 1

Dr. David Deyhimy, Medical Director of The Edge Treatment Center, cites recent data on addiction. His findings include: Addiction is a pandemic on many levels. Your first job, if you are a sex addict, is to admit the magnitude of the problem. You must get honest and tell someone, “I have a problem, and I…

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Others First

Do you know the difference between major surgery and minor surgery? Major surgery is any surgery you must have; minor surgery is anyone else’s surgery.  Mel Brooks said, “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” It is human nature to think of our own…

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Take One Step

You must do three things to reach your goals: dream big, start small, and think long. You have to fly the kite a little higher, a little longer each day. Over time, the ceiling becomes the floor.  Emil Zatopek, the great Olympian, said, “Step by step, a man will come to the fifth floor.” Zatopek…

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Crazy Love

In 1959, Burt Pugach met Linda Riss, and it was love at first sight. But when Linda discovered that Burt was already married and had children, she ended the relationship. In retaliation, Burt paid three assailants to toss lye in Linda’s face, which nearly blinded her for life. Burt served 14 years in prison for…

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John Elway

On this day in history, 35 years ago, the great John Elway took his Denver Broncos to the Super Bowl, only to lose to the Washington Redskins, 42-10. For many, such a blowout would have been devastating.  But another January 31 would eventually come around, 11 years later, when Elway would redeem himself, leading the…

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Simple Advice

A friend suffered a recent relapse. “What do I do now?” he asked me. My simple answer was, “Do the next right thing.” Where we get off the rails in recovery is by making things too complicated. We don’t relapse because we don’t know what to do, but because we don’t do what we know. …

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B.L.A.S.T.

Every so often, it is wise to review our five primary triggers for acting out. You can remember them with the acronym B.L.A.S.T. We tend to be at greatest risk for relapse when we are: Bored Lonely Angry Stressed  Tired Don’t let your triggers stop you. The temptations and roadblocks to recovery can seem overwhelming.…

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The Challenger Explosion

It happened on this date in 1986. I remember it well. On January 28, 1986, the U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded 73 seconds after liftoff from Florida, killing all seven aboard, including a school teacher who had been selected as the first American civilian to travel in space.  That was a devastating day for America,…

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Underwater Somersaults

Underwater somersaulting is not yet an official Olympic sport. But that never stopped Marta Fernandez Perez from setting a world record in 2001, when she completed 28 backward somersaults underwater – on one breath.  How did Marta come to be the queen of underwater somersaults? I’m not sure, but I’m going to guess that she…

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The Road Less Taken

I love these words, from Louis Armstrong’s famous song, What a Wonderful World. “I hear babies cry, I watch them grow, They’ll learn much more, Than I’ll ever know. And I think to myself, What a wonderful world.” The psalmist wrote, “What a wildly wonderful world, God! You made it all, with wisdom at your…

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Recovery Rewards

What role do rewards play in recovery? Dr. John F. Kelly addresses this in his article, Recovery from Addiction. He writes, “It is now well known that the repetition of rewarding behaviors produces changes in brain function and structure that facilitate habits and, for some, sustained compulsivity and addiction.” Dr. Kelly is saying that one…

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Two Bad Jokes

What did they do with the two guys who were caught stealing a calendar? They each got six months. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. Okay. I’ll stop.  There is one thing worse than a bad joke. Two bad jokes. Is anything worse than two bad jokes? Yes –…

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Bigger Boats

“You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”      – Jaws, 1975 Actor Rob Scheider played Brody in the movie. Citing the great shark, and contemplating what it would take to bring him in, he said, “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” This famous movie line has become an appropriate metaphor for life. Many times, our biggest problem…

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The Great Motivator

In his fascinating book, Exactly What to Say, Phil M. Jones writes, “The real world tells us that people will work far harder to avoid a potential loss than they will to achieve a potential gain.” This is exactly why most addicts don’t seek help until they hit bottom. Their greater motivator is not the…

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Practice

After retiring from coaching, John Wooden was asked what he missed most. I’ll give you a hint: it wasn’t the games, trophies, or championships. In a word, Wooden said what he missed most was practice. As a chaplain for the Houston Rockets, I often sat on the sideline watching the players go through their pregame…

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Dr. Denton Cooley

In 1969, Dr. Denton Cooley performed the world’s first successful heart transplant. His iconic career was marked by unmatched recognition over five decades of groundbreaking work. As an aside, he performed heart surgery on my Dad, saving his life in 1960.  Dr. Cooley was not shy about his success. Once appearing as an expert witness…

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Just Whistle

A writer named David Redding told of his days growing up on a farm in Scotland. As a young boy, he was given a beautiful black puppy, which he named Teddy. Redding and Teddy were inseparable. When Redding had to go off to war, he was unable to return for more than two years. But…

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My First Prayer

“God is good, God is great, let us thank him for our food. Amen.” That was my first prayer. My family was not very religious, but we did pray before every meal. And that was our daily prayer. My brother and I took turns, day to day. But the prayer never changed. After I came…

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Mistakes vs Potential

Regrets. Let’s talk regrets. Psychologist Tom Gilovich says there is a difference between short-term and long-term regret. In the short term, we tend to regret the mistakes we’ve made. But in the long term? We regret the opportunities we’ve missed more than the mistakes we’ve made by a margin of 84 percent to 16 percent.…

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Good Works

I’m all about grace. We are saved by grace. We find recovery by grace. We must live by grace. To others, we must extend grace. So where do works come into the picture?  Martin Luther provides the perfect answer: “God does not need your good works, but your neighbor does.” Jesus said our faith would…

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Terry Bradshaw

Hall-of-Fame coach Chuck Knoll won 68 percent of his NFL games – with Terry Bradshaw as his quarterback. When anyone else played quarterback, Knoll only won 47 percent of his games. With Tom Brady at quarterback, Bill Belichick won 77 percent of the time; with other quarterbacks, just 48 percent. And Marv Levy won 66…

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Routine

One of the keys to making good habits is to establish good routines. But once the routine becomes routine, you have to change it. This is known as the law of requisite variety. For example, if you always work out the same way, your workout will eventually lose its effectiveness, as your body adapts to…

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My Ultimate Consolation

Let’s turn to R.C. Sproul for some great insight today. He wrote, “To know that God knows everything about me and yet loves me is indeed my ultimate consolation.” God knows you intimately and loves you fully. Until you understand that, recovery will be a mirage, something you long for but cannot touch. God promises,…

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Five Grains of Gratitude

When the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock in 1620, they were faced with harsh conditions. When they became desperate for food, Governor William Bradford rationed five grains of corn per day for each person. When things got better, Bradford did not want the people to forget what they had gone through, so at every Thanksgiving…

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Turning a Blind Eye

President Teddy Roosevelt set up a boxing ring in the White House, where he would spar with anyone brave enough to get into the ring. One of his aides, Dan Tyler Moore, actually blinded the president’s left eye with a right hook. Roosevelt concealed the fact that he had lost his sight in order to…

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2023 Weather Forecast

“I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden. Along with the sunshine, There’s gotta be a little rain sometime.”       – Lynn Anderson, 1970 I have looked up the weather forecast for your area, for all of 2023. Here it is – there’s gotta be a little rain sometime.  Rain gets a bad…

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Connecting the Dots

God has given us three kinds of sight; we need all three. Let’s talk about that last one – hindsight. Sometimes our past is our best teacher. During his commencement address at Stanford University, Steve Jobs said, “You can only connect the dots by looking backward.” The Bible encourages us, “Remember the days of old,…

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Problems

Are you a problem solver? While that can be a good thing, it comes with a downside.   Reflecting on his work as a psychiatrist, Carl Jung discovered a fascinating truth about seemingly insurmountable problems. They can’t be solved. They can only be outgrown. We all have problems that cannot be solved. For me that includes…

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Lesson from Albert

I’m not a student of Albert Einstein, nor do I have evidence that he battled addictions. But he said something that every addict should embrace. It is one of the most important principles in recovery from any addiction or destructive habit. “A problem cannot be solved,” said Einstein, “from the same level of consciousness that…

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Tree Bark

In 2009, a dendrologist named Dr. Martin Gossner was researching the resilience of tree bark. When he cut back a piece of bark on an old tree in the Bavarian Forest National Park, he was stunned by his discovery of the living organisms behind that piece of bark: The tree, Dr. Gossner concluded, had become…

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Halloween

David Letterman said, “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.”  Here’s the bigger lesson. Men and women are different. In fact, I’ll go even further. Ready for this? Men and men are different. Women and women are different. You…

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Talk to Him

A pastor opened his mail one day. Inside one envelope was a sheet of paper with just one word written on it – “FOOL.”  The next Sunday, the pastor took that sheet into the pulpit. He announced, “I have received a few letters over the years, in which the writer forgot to sign his name.”…

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The Greatest Boxer

On September 2, 1892, a boxer named Gentleman Jim Corbett stepped into the ring with arguably the greatest boxer who would ever live, John L. Sullivan. Sullivan was the last heavyweight champion of the bare-knuckle era and the first champion who wore gloves. In fifty fights, he had never lost.  This night would be different.…

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Christmas Parrot

Three men all gave their elderly mother special gifts for Christmas – a new Mercedes, a new house, and a talking parrot. A week later, they returned for a visit, and asked how she enjoyed their gifts. To the first she said, “Thank you so much for my car. I love it!” To the second…

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A Boat

An elderly pastor was once asked, “If you were stranded on an island and could have one book with you, which book would you choose?” Of course, the expected answer was, “The Bible.” But the pastor said, without hesitation, “If I was stranded on an island and could have just one book, I’d choose a…

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NBA Legend

Sixty-four years ago this week, a young basketball player made his NBA debut. In his first game, he scored a rather unimpressive six points. But he kept at it. Over his NBA career, Bill Russell would win more championships than any player before him. In fact, the NBA Finals MVP Award is named in his…

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Talking Frog

A man was playing golf when he hit his ball into the woods. Retrieving his ball, he discovered a talking frog sitting nearby. The frog said, “I am no ordinary frog. If you kiss me, I will become a beautiful woman, marry you, and make you happy for the rest of your life.” The golfer…

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Three Phases

French philosopher Paul Ricoeur viewed life as a series of three movements. First, there is orientation, when we feel at home and at peace. Then we go through a period of disorientation, when a life-changing event occurs, a catastrophe strikes and we feel disillusioned. Finally, there is a transition to reorientation, or the “new normal.”…

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Edgar Bergen

Edgar Bergen is widely considered the greatest ventriloquist who ever lived. How did he develop his interest in throwing his voice? As a boy, he ordered a book on photography, but received a book on ventriloquism instead. Naturally, he was disappointed. But it was this mix-up that changed everything! Every successful person I know has…

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Too Soon to Quit

In recovery, the measure of success is not whether you ever have a slip or relapse, but how you respond. Don’t misunderstand me; you should never have another slip or relapse! But if you keep this verse close by: “The righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity”…

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Two-Foot Road Trip

Are you completely satisfied with where you are with your life and recovery? If not, check out this formula for healthy change: Change of pace + change of place = change of perspective.  Perhaps you need a good road trip. The next time you take off across the country on a journey to find yourself,…

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9,096 Stars

Astronomers tell us that there are 9,096 stars that are visible to the naked eye. So go ahead. Tonight, step outside and start counting those stars. Then embark on an even greater project. Count every star in the Milky Way Galaxy. But you better start soon, because if you count one star every second, it…

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Two Inches

In the summer of 1957, 12-year-old Ed Catmull was on a cross-country trip with his family, driving on a crooked canyon road with no guardrails. A car driving in the opposite direction zigged into their lane, and Catmull’s dad zagged in the opposite direction. Their car came two inches from driving off the cliff. That’s…

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Continue

Continue. That may be the most important word in recovery – continue. Have you been attending support groups? Continue. Have you been in therapy? Continue. Have you started working the Steps? Continue. What matters is not what you began, but what you continue. The great apostle never bragged on the start of his journey. It…

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Climbing Trees

In December, 1874, a snowstorm hit the western United States. John Muire, a founder of the Sierra Club, left his friend’s cabin in the Sierra Nevadas to climb a 100-foot tree from which he would experience the full force of the storm.  Muir made a habit of doing things that took him to the edge…

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Orange

Legacy matters – a lot. Start with your kids. If you want to have a legacy to be proud of, pour your life into your children. Walk in recovery, do the next right thing, and keep your kids front and center on your list of priorities. Reggie Joiner is the founder of a wonderful organization…

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The Seeds of Recovery

The goal of recovery is to do the right thing, then let the results follow. Focus on recovery work, not recovery. If you do that – go to meetings, work the Steps, remain accountable – solid recovery will be the inevitable result.  The Bible calls this “sowing seeds.” Solomon said, “Sow your seed in the…

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The Light

You can turn your darkness into light. In fact, you’ve got to turn your darkness into light! Aristotle said, “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” In his brilliant book, Survival, pastor Ben Young identifies five typical tactics of what he calls the shadow voice: fear, self-pity, self-indulgence,…

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Hope Is Not a Plan

All recovery is spiritual. J.I. Packer said, “Disregard the study of God, and you sentence yourself to stumble and blunder through life blindfolded.” Every day, I do two readings: something in recovery and something from the Bible. If I have to pick one, I choose the Bible. Why? Because every time I draw near to…

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Life on Mars

If you walked into the SpaceX headquarters, you would see two posters of Mars hanging on the wall. One shows a cold, barren planet. The Mars on the other poster looks a lot like Earth. That second poster represents Elon Musk’s life purpose – colonizing Mars. Musk says, “I’d like to die on Mars, not…

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Holy

The most holy place you will ever be is in the presence of God, wherever you find that.  The old prophet said of the Lord, “He will be a holy place” (Isaiah 8:14).  The Hebrew root word for “holy” is qadosh; the Greek word is hagios. Both words, form the Old and New Testaments, mean…

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Take It to the Bank

You can take God’s promises to the bank.  Imagine that I gave you a check for a thousand dollars. Would you withhold your thanks until the check cleared the bank? No, you would express gratitude right away, assuming the check wouldn’t bounce, based on what you know about my character. God’s promises are better than…

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Five Friends

Nothing matters more than the people you choose to spend time with. Author Jim Rohn said that we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Solomon concluded, “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20). There are certain people you…

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Listen to Epictetus

Epictetus said, “We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.”  Life must be lived in the moment. Every day, you will face challenges that can make or break you. British theologian John Blanchard nailed it: “For daily needs, there’s daily grace. For sudden needs, there’s sudden grace.…

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One Oreo

It’s harder to eat one Oreo than none. Is there something you need to say no to? In many instances, abstinence is easier than moderation. Why? It requires less willpower because you rely on a strong decision making process in advance. Moderation is a slippery slope. In my experience, it’s harder to eat one Oreo…

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Small Stones

If you want to be sober for the next year, stay sober for the next day.  How did God do his work in the Old Testament? When the Israelites were fighting for their very lives, staving off the enemy, God stepped in. They did all they could, then God did what only he could do.…

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96 Times a Day

The opposite of addiction is community. And today, that’s a problem, because most people aren’t too good at personal connection. Case in point: the average person checks his phone 96 times a day. There is nothing more annoying than sitting with someone, trying to hold a meaningful conversation, while they keep checking their phone.  The…

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Jim Carrey

Award-winning actor Jim Carrey once wrote himself a check for $10 million – when he had nothing.  Early in his acting career, when no one else believed in Carrey, he believed in himself. So one day, he wrote a check to himself in the amount of $10 million, postdated five years. He was telling himself,…

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Listen to Moody

As a young pastor, I read everything I could find about the great evangelist of the 19th century, D.L. Moody. I was once blessed to touch the pulpit he used in Chicago. To me, that was like touching the bat Babe Ruth used to hit his last home run. In Moody’s biography, I read an…

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3M

Recovery is the result of good habits, done over and over and over and over. Aristotle said, “Quality is not an act; it is a habit.” And Will Durant added, “We are what we repeatedly do.” Let me give you a simple formula for establishing new habits, which are key to your long-term sobriety. Think…

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Three Questions

Humility is a key to success, in recovery or anything else. Malcolm Gladwell said it well: “We are better people when we are humble.” What is humility? Jordan Peterson defines humility as the “recognition of personal insufficiency and the willingness to learn.” I ask you three questions: Are you still willing to learn? Do you…

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Whisper

Never underestimate the loudness of a whisper. C.S. Lewis wrote, “It comes the very moment you wake up each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that…

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Grace

Let me introduce you to grace. Author Gerald May wrote about grace. “Grace is the most powerful force in the universe. It can transcend repression, addiction, and every other internal and external power that seeks to oppress the freedom of the human heart. Grace is where our hope lies.” There are two things you need…

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Icky

Sometimes, we assume that for people who become great success stories, life must have come easily. Not so. Take former President Dwight Eisenhower, for example. In late December, 1920, when he was 30 years of age, his son Icky fell seriously ill with scarlet fever. With no antibiotics, little could be done. The young boy…

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Breaking the Shackles

In order to break the shackles of addiction, you must first break the shackles of shame. This is only possible for the man or woman who is sensitive to the work of the Holy Spirit, for we know that “the unrighteous know no shame” (Zephaniah 3:5).  Jesus described the specific work of the Holy Spirit:…

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Better than Google

A close friend recently sent me a picture of a t-shirt, which read, “I don’t need Google. My wife knows everything.” While we can debate the validity of this assumption, one thing seems clear. Women do seem to possess a keen sense of discernment when it comes to their husbands’ behaviors.  My wife has the…

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Dichotomy of Life

Let’s talk about the dichotomy of life. Martin Luther said, “A Christian is someone who is simultaneously righteous, yet sinful.” In The Disciplines of Grace, Jerry Bridges wrote, “Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are…

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One Eye Toward Sodom

“Lot pitched his tent near Sodom” (Genesis 13:13). Here’s the story. Abraham’s family had outgrown the land in which they lived. Abraham had no choice. The family would need to be divided geographically. He offered his nephew Lot several options as to where he would settle with his part of the family.  While Lot would…

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Choose Joy

Let’s talk about joy. Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said, “Joy is the surest sign of the presence of God.” I agree. God is the author of joy. Even for the addict and the offended spouse, joy is an option. Paul knew a little about persecution and injustices when he prayed, “May the God…

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God’s Image

An overcoming feeling of insignificance and isolation cripples too many of us. Spiritual formations teacher Richard Foster writes, “The most wonderful thing that can happen to any human being is to be loved.”  Our value is not measured by the depth of our addiction, but by the depth of God’s love. And that love is…

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Absolutes

Twenty years after his graduation, a man visited his old college science professor. Looking over the tests the prof was grading, he observed, “This is the same test you gave us twenty years ago! How do you keep students from cheating? What if someone who had just taken the test a year ago gave the…

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Talk Less, Do More

I like to talk. Most of us do. That’s why I found this Old Testament verse rather troubling at first: “The more words, the less the meaning” (Ecclesiastes 6:11). And this one from the New Testament: “My beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). My…

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Lying Politicians

A busload of politicians was driving down a country road when it ran off the road and hit a tree in an old farmer’s field. After viewing the tragedy up close, the old farmer was moved to give the politicians a respectful burial.  The farmer then went to visit the local sheriff to report the…

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Election Day

For those of you living in the United States, today is election day. Millions of us will go to the polls and make a decision as to who should be our next senator, mayor, or dogcatcher. These decisions matter. There are other decisions that matter. Let me give you my top ten list of great…

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How to Quit an Addiction

An article by the Harvard Medical School identifies five action steps for quitting an addiction. One of those steps is to create a support network.  They write, “Talk to your family and friends and ask for their encouragement and support. Let them know you are quitting.” Helen Keller said, “Alone we can do so little;…

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Before You Die

God allowed Moses to climb a historic mountain, where he did historic things.  Then God told Moses, “On the mountain you have climbed you will die” (Deuteronomy 32:50). We all like the “mountain” thing. But then we die? I offer three thoughts. We will all die sometime. It is better to die on the mountain…

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The Perfect Step

“We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.”        – Step 1, Alcoholics Anonymous Recovery begins where control ends. We must accept the fact that we have a problem. Marsha Linehan said it well. “Radical acceptance rests on letting go of the illusion of control and a willingness to notice…

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The Decades of Life

I have this theory that we are all getting older. And with age comes change. For the sake of oversimplification, I’ll assign each decade of life a one-word description. These words describe most people at each stage of life. These are our priorities as we mature. 20s – survival 30s – success 40s – significance…

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Vending Machine

Life is like a vending machine. A vending machine gives you what you want when you want it. No waiting. Lots of choices. None of them are healthy. The better alternative, of course, is a well-cooked, nutritionally balanced meal.  Too often, we choose the vending machine. It’s much easier. Recovery is done in a crock…

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All Things Beautiful

One Sunday in church, while I was thumbing through my Bible during the pastor’s sermon, I came across this amazing verse: “He has made everything beautiful in its time” (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Let that sink in. This doesn’t say everything is inherently beautiful. It says God takes something ugly and turns it into something beautiful. Something…

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Before Anything Else

Before my feet hit the ground each morning, I pray this: “Dear God, it’s another day. And if I don’t get anything else done today, I want to know you a little bit better and love you a little bit more.” God’s greatest command is simple. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart…

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Esther

The Old Testament tells the story of Esther, a Hebrew woman who became queen and rescued her people. She had three assets that God gave her to fulfill her destiny. She was intelligent, physically attractive, and had an engaging personality. Because of these qualities, “Esther won the favor of everyone who saw her. She won…

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Hardship

If you’ve been in recovery for more than 30 seconds, you are familiar with The Serenity Prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr. You know the first part of the prayer by memory. But the second part of the prayer is equally impactful.  “Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship…

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Incubator

On September 7, 1888, Edith Eleanor Mclean was the first baby to be placed in an incubator. Developed by French obstetrician Stephane Tarnier, this was the first attempt to preserve the life of a premature baby. Though very costly at the time, the new invention was quickly embraced, out of respect for the lives of…

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Do This Three Times Today

Mark Twain said, “I can live two weeks on a good compliment.”  I read somewhere that the average person needs to hear 14 statements of personal encouragement each day. Rarely does that actually happen.  Wise old Solomon understood the human experience well when he said, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and…

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Definition of Recovery

Let me define successful recovery with three words. Keep. Moving. Forward. God says this about his children: “I will not remember their sins” (Isaiah 43:25). Do what God does. Move on from your past. Why? Because you can’t write the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.  Martin Luther King,…

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Systems Restore

When Microsoft launched Windows ME (Millennial Edition), the “system restore” feature caused a stir. If your computer suffered a system meltdown, you could select “system restore” and reset your computer to a point in the past. Problem solved. Everything you had somehow messed up on your computer returned to the way it was at that…

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It Starts Here

Your biggest sex organ is your brain. The road to your next relapse begins in your head. Forget about controlling your body until you learn to control your mind. It’s their thought lives that get sex addicts into trouble.  Ralph Waldo Emerson described the process brilliantly. “Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow…

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Rebuild

About 750 years before Christ, there was a man named Amos, who was a full-time fig grower and part-time preacher. Though he was from Judah, God led him to prophecy to the people of Israel, who were living in bondage to a foreign empire. He brought them this message directly from God: “I will bring…

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Dark Clouds

“The Lord will dwell in a dark cloud.”        – 2 Chronicles 6:1 This passage had great meaning for C.S. Lewis. Lewis had tasted pain in ways that few of us can comprehend. He lost his mother at an early age, was emotionally abandoned by his father, suffered from a respiratory illness as a teenager, was…

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Changed But Still You

God wants to transform your life, from addict to overcomer. But in the process, your uniqueness and personality are likely not on the table. God created you with a uniqueness that did not go away because of your addiction.  Rick Warren writes, “Christlikeness is all about transforming your character, not your personality.” The Bible says…

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Marcia, Marcia, Marcia

See if you can match the TV lines to their respective shows: The famous lines: “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.” “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday night!” “Survey says!” The television shows: Saturday Night Live Family Feud The Brady Bunch Okay, for those of you in the U.S., that was pretty easy. Now, let’s try a much…

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Apple Pie

Have you ever said, “It’s as American as apple pie”? Well, I have some shocking news for you. Apple pie isn’t actually American. Apples are native to Asia, and the first recorded recipe for apple pie was written in England.  Here’s something else you may not know. You have all you need to stay sober…

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The Surprising Key to Sobriety

This may be the most surprising key to sobriety – family dinners. A study by Columbia University found that the power of communication and role-modeling during family dinner is hard to overstate. The study concluded that teens whose families dine together are four times less likely to smoke, 2.5 times less likely to use marijuana,…

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Royal Flush

The next time you play Poker, know the odds. The odds of drawing a royal flush are one in 649,740. The odds of a straight flush are better, at one in 72,192.  In cards, there is a chance you will find incredible success. But those odds are small. If you want to try your hand…

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Why Me?

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon tennis champion, was dying of AIDS, which he contracted when he received infected blood during heart surgery in 1983. During his illness, Ashe received thousands of encouraging letters. In one letter, the fan asked, “Why did God have to select you for such a horrible disease?” Ashe wrote back. “Fifty…

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The Final Word

The enemy may attack, but he will not win. Failure may come, but it is not final. Addiction may cripple, but it will not kill. And life may stink, but the smell is not permanent.  Remember that guy in the Old Testament named Joseph? He was a good guy with some bad brothers. After years…

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How to Get Over It

On a recent trip to Texas, we visited our favorite mall in Waco. It is full of interesting collectibles and gadgets. One of the shops was full of refrigerator magnets. Now, I’m not really a refrigerator magnet guy, but I can appreciate the work that goes into thinking up cute things to write on said…

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Win the Morning

Admiral William McRaven wrote a bestselling book, Make Your Bed, in which he identified numerous implications of one positive action taken each morning.  Success coach Tim Ferris said, “If you win the morning, you win the day.” And the psalmist prayed, “Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love” (Psalm 143:8). Morning is…

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It’s How You Finish

Ever heard of Sad Sam Jones, Pud Galvin, and Kid Nichols? Perhaps the names Tom3 Seaver, Nolan Ryan, and Roger Clemens are more familiar to you. All six were great Major League pitchers. All six are in the Hall of Fame. The three modern players (Seaver, Ryan, and Clemens) combined to throw an amazing 771…

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Reality

Everyone loves a positive person. But if you are thinking about plopping down $100 to attend a seminar on success, let me save you that $100. The speaker will tell you to expect good things, keep your chin high, and to only see the sunshine, and never the rain. A positive spirit goes a long…

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Chess Boxing

I play chess. My son boxes. In fact, he boxes better than I play chess. In Finland, you can do both – at the same time. It’s called “chess boxing.” Players make a few chess moves, then engage in a round of boxing. They keep alternating between chess and boxing until 11 alternating rounds have…

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Ya Gotta Believe

President Theodore Roosevelt said, “Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” Maintaining a positive spirit is key to success in any field. Especially recovery. Never let the failure of yesterday dictate the outcome of tomorrow. Max Lucado said, “Meet your fears with faith.” And Jesus said, “Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers…

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Name This Guy

Can you name this person?  Born in Mississippi, he was raised in rooming houses. He wanted to be a musician, but never had any kind of formal musical training. When he tried out for choir in the eighth grade, his music teacher gave him a “C.” Undeterred, he bought his first guitar the next day.…

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Vindication

You’ve been hurt or falsely accused. You long for vindication. I get it. I’ve been there.  Oswald Chambers wrote, “Our weakness lies in always wanting to vindicate ourselves.” Writing for Psychology Today, Dr. Lori Katz addresses this subject head-on. She cites the key to peace: “You must disengage from the entire drama of pain.” Seeking…

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Something to Celebrate

Jesus told a story about two debtors who each owed the same man some money. In today’s terms, one of them owed about $5,000, while the other owed $75,000. Both men had their debt forgiven. Jesus asked his audience this question: “Which one will love the lender more?” (Luke 7:42). The answer was, of course,…

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This Day in History

A lot of big things have happened on this day in history – September 18. Cornerstone is laid for the U.S. Capitol Building (1793) Creation of the phonograph (1877) CBS debuted (1952) Roger Clemens struck out 20 batters (1996) But the most significant September 18 event came in 1964. It was on this day, 58…

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The Power of Forgiveness

The power of forgiveness is well-documented.  Johns Hopkins Medicine conducted studies that conclude that our health is greatly impacted by our willingness to forgive those who have harmed us. Their findings: “Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels…

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The Real Abundant Life

God wants you to experience joy, abundant life, and outrageous blessings. But what does that look like, exactly? Jesus warned, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in an abundance of his possessions” (Luke 12:15). Rick Warren said it so well in The Purpose Driven…

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Group

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.”       – John Lennon God never intended us to do life alone. This thing called “connection” is magic. You can’t find recovery without it. Isolation is not your friend. Community is…

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NFL Is Back!

In the U.S., football is underway. Each year, 18 million of us crowd into stadiums to watch our favorite teams play. Another 100 million watch on television. And every one of us is convinced we could call plays better than the coaches for our team.  Legendary coach Bud Wilkinson once mused, “Each Saturday, our college…

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Get Ready!

Jesus is coming again. He said, “You must be ready, because the Son of Man will come in an hour when you do not expect him” (Luke 12:40). Are you ready for Christ’s return? David Jeremiah offers four ways to get ready. Live with passion and patience. Reflect Christ’s example of servanthood. Revere Christ’s honor…

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Regrets

Regrets. We all have them. I regret not getting into recovery sooner. That’s just one regret. But what is life’s greatest regret? Research shows that regrets fall into two broad categories: Action – We regret things we’ve done. Inaction – We regret things we haven’t done. An extensive study by Roese & Summerville (2005) found…

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Livin’ Near the Beach

We live in Bradenton, Florida, six miles from the beach. Green water. White sand. Seagulls overhead.  In a word – paradise. So I completely understand why people are flooding into Florida. What I don’t understand is why people move here, within a 15-drive of the ocean, but then never go to the beach. That would…

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Vodka and the Holy Spirit

“Trust me, you can dance.”       – Vodka Alcohol has that effect on people. With a few drinks, the alcohol takes over, and you become someone different.  That explains Ephesians 5:18. Paul wrote, “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Why did Paul draw a correlation…

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Bell Ringer

A man with no arms was in need of a job. He walked into a large Catholic parish and inquired of the priest, “Do you have any jobs for me?”  The priest answered, “Only one. We need someone to ring the bell in the tower. If you are able to climb to the top and…

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Laugh A Lot

Noted philosopher Reba McEntire offers this sage observation: “To thrive in life you need three bones – a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” Let’s focus on that last one – the funny bone. Laughter is a gift from God. The Bible says a lot about laughter. My favorite laughter verse is Proverbs 17:22,…

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Two Success Stories

It is great to have one significant success story in anyone’s life. But two?  Meet Garrett A. Morgan. The son of former slaves, Morgan conceived and patented the three-signal traffic light in 1923. He had witnessed a tragic automobile accident on a Cleveland street corner, and could not rest until he had done his part…

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Hot Dog Eating Champion

It happens every year. On July 4, in New York City, hundreds gather for the International Hot Dog Eating Contest. This year, Joey “Jaws” Chestnut retained his championship by eating 63 hot dogs in ten minutes. Let’s break that down. That’s one hot dog every ten seconds. That’s 18,270 calories. It was actually a smart…

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It’s Not About Sex

Here’s your question for today. Is sexual addiction a result of: Overactive libido Spouse’s sexual disinterest Cultural permissiveness None of the above The answer, of course, is none of the above.  Sexual addiction specialist Todd Frye writes, “Sexual addiction is not about sex. Sexual addiction is more of an intimacy disorder than a sex disorder.”…

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Divorce or Not?

Rod Stewart said, “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” We live in the golden age of divorce. One of the key contributors of marital disharmony is sexual addiction. Psychologist Revel Miller has identified several impacts of infidelity. They include: Shock Anger Shattered…

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Do Twinkies Last Forever?

Twinkies last forever. I know that because I read it on the Internet.  Actually, it’s not true. Twinkies have a shelf life of just 25 days. Shockingly, you can’t believe everything you read on the Internet.  I browsed the Internet for recent news stories. I read about a lady’s funeral. Before the service, she left…

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The Power of Solitude

Solitude is a key ingredient to sobriety. If you don’t believe that, let me ask you a question. If you could pick one place to spend a few hours, would you pick: (a) mountain, (b) lake, (c) ocean, or (d) downtown in a large city? If you picked (d), you’re crazy! Jesus embraced solitude. The…

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A Lesson in Forgiveness

In 1956, five American missionaries headed to the rainforest of the eastern Amazon in Ecuador to make a second visit to the isolated Huaorani tribe. The people had a culture of killing, and studies suggest that 54 percent of the tribe died by homicide. When the missionaries emerged from their plane, they were immediately speared…

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Katrina

On this date in 2005, Hurricane Katrina made landfall on the Florida coast. Yes, the Florida coast. It was a weak Category 1 hurricane. No big deal by Florida standards. What no one knew at the time was that Katrina was just getting started. Within a few short days, she blew up into a rare…

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Criticism

Jack Handley said, “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” I have often found that what we criticize in others, we generally find in ourselves. Oscar Wilde said it like this: “Criticism…

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M&Ms

On the eighth day, God created M&Ms.  Okay, that may be a bit of a stretch. But M&Ms are almost too good to have been created by man. Do you know why they are called M&Ms? The creators named their candy after themselves: Forrest Mars and Bruce Murrie. Mars was a wealthy businessman who created…

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Making Progress

Pablo Casals was considered the greatest cellist who ever lived. When he was 95 years of age, someone asked him why he continued to practice his cello six hours every day. His response? “Because I think I am making progress.” I have a friend who got sober – at the age of 93.  It is…

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When Cleveland Was 5th

Things change with time. For example, did you know that the fifth largest city in the United States, 100 years ago, was Cleveland, Ohio? Today, Cleveland ranks as America’s 54th largest city. Cleveland is now smaller than Wichita, Aurora, Tulsa, Omaha, and Mesa.  Everything changes with time. With age, most of us get shorter and…

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An Impossible Task

If you want to try something that is nearly impossible, try this. Try to overstate the importance of community.  Good luck with that.  Therapist Elizabeth Dixon writes, “Our relationships, more than anything else, set the stage for our health, happiness, and well-being. Research indicates that the quality of our social relationships affects a range of…

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Self-Worth vs Net Worth

Never judge your self-worth by your net worth.  Men tend to draw their self-esteem from their jobs, women from their relationships. So this whole net worth thing is mostly (but not totally) a guy problem. It’s okay to have things and it’s okay to enjoy them. But don’t be so tied to what you have…

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Expiration Date

If you are drinking your milk with a fork, perhaps you missed the date on the side of the carton. It’s called an expiration date. Eggs, milk, most food – they all have expiration dates.  Could there be an expiration date on God’s mercy? God warned, “My people would not listen to me; Israel would…

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Line Up Alphabetically

Offering an example of poor communication, baseball legend Casey Stingel said, “All right everyone, line up alphabetically, according to your height.”  Clear communication is important in any sport – including marriage. The Bible warns us to “avoid irreverent babble” (2 Timothy 2:16). Married sex addicts and their spouses have experienced more than their fair share…

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A Great Annoyance

Do you know anyone who wants to be right all the time? Someone who thinks they are smarter than everyone else? That is probably most of us. Isaac Asimov said, “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”  One of the most important things in recovery is…

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The Man in the Mirror

Have you ever been somewhere where you ran into the person who contributed the most to your addiction? You were walking along, and suddenly they were there? I know the feeling. I see the person who contributed the most to my own addiction on a regular basis – every time I look in a mirror. …

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All in the Family

On January 12, 1971, All in the Family began a nine-year run, finishing the season as television’s top-rated show for six consecutive years. The show featured the Bunker family, which was both hilarious and dysfunctional. Perhaps the reason so many of us watched was because we came from dysfunctional families, as well.  I love what…

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A Lie’s a Lie

Addicts are universally superior in one way. We are world class liars. Of course, we don’t consider it lying. We stretch things a bit, exaggerate occasionally, and shade the truth a bit. Mark Twain’s words resonate with many of us. “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”  To all addicts…

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The Windy City

If you are from the United States, you probably know that Chicago is known as the Windy City. But you may not know why. The nickname doesn’t come from the winds off Lake Michigan. The name “Windy City” was coined by 19th century journalists, in reference to the city’s leaders who were considered “windbags” and…

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Choose Hope

There is nothing more valuable than hope. Actor Christopher Reeve was right. “Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.” Scripture says, “Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1). Never forget this – in Christ there will always be hope. Charles Spurgeon said it so…

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German Chocolate Cake

Where would you guess German chocolate cake was invented?  Answer: America. You see, German chocolate cake was not named for the country, but for the man. It is named after Sam German, who in 1852 created the formula for a mild dark baking chocolate bar for Baker’s Chocolate Company. The recipe was not made public…

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Know Peace

Corrie ten Boom was a Dutch Christian during World War II. She and her family hid Jews from the Nazis and were eventually sent to death camps, where her sister and father both died. But through that horrible time, she discovered the secret of living with a mind that was at peace. She said it…

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Rest

Sleep is an important ingredient to recovery.  The Primary Care Collaborative did an extensive study on the effects of sleep on recovery. In their presentation in May, 2019, they summarized, “One of the symptoms of withdrawal is trouble sleeping. As insufficient sleep is correlated with poor self-control, it’s important for recovering addicts to do what…

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George Washington

On a rainy day during the American Revolutionary War, George Washington rode up to a group of soldiers attempting to raise a wooden beam to a high position. After watching their lack of success, Washington asked the corporal why he didn’t join in and help, to which the corporal replied, “Don’t you realize that I…

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Airplane!

When I was in college, one of the greatest movies of all time came out – Airplane. There was a particular line in the movie that has stuck with me. “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.” The audience roared with every corny line of Airplane. But the “sniffing glue” line…

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TV vs A Good Book

I’ve never heard anyone say, “The key to my recovery was watching more television.”  Groucho Marx said, “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” Research confirms a direct correlation between excessive television reviewing and lessened commitment within marriage. In his…

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Poor Preacher

After church one Sunday, young Billy came by to see the pastor at the exit door. He handed the preacher a $10 bill, as he said, “This is for you!” The pastor said, “Why, Billy, you don’t need to give me $10. What is this for?” Billy said, “You need it more than I do.…

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Civil War Lesson

On April 12, 1861, Confederates fired 40 cannons at Fort Sumter in Charleston Harbor, South Carolina. With that, the Civil War had begun. For the next four years, friends and families were divided by their competing visions and beliefs. Two former army buddies soon found themselves in conflict. Confederate General Braxton Bragg was in command…

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The Right Pursuit

Let me give you six words: We pursue relief; God pursues results. That’s how we get into addiction. We value comfort over character, pleasure over peace, and gratification over God. And relief over results. You will never find sobriety until you become okay with not always being happy. Sometimes, life hurts. And some level of…

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The Root of All Evil

“The love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10). That’s a strong statement. Think of all the things we could have put in place of money, in that verse. “_______ is the root of all evil.” Lust Envy Pride Resentment A bad burrito But the Bible says our problem is the…

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The Hammock

For those of us living in America, July 22 is a day of wild celebration. July 22 is . . .  National Mango Day National Penuche Fudge Day National Rat Catcher’s Day National Refreshment Day But more importantly, today is National Hammock Day.  The hammock comes from Spanish culture. They invented the hammock, or “stretch…

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Grandpa Didn’t See This Coming

Some things are hard to predict. Just two generations ago, my grandparents’ world would have never seen any of this coming:  A motorized vehicle replacing the horse and buggy Bicycle repair man inventing an airplane The eradication of polio Man walking on the moon A peanut farmer becoming President of the United States The Miracle…

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Viktor Frankl

Viktor Frankl was a Jewish psychiatrist who was taken to one of the death camps in Nazi Germany. All of his family and friends were gassed and murdered. He writes in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, about one day when he stood in front of the Gestapo, stark naked. They had taken away the…

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The Five-Star President

President Dwight David Eisenhower was a rare success in American history. He was both a five-star General and a two-term president who presided over amazing peace and unity throughout the land. But his future success was not clear from the beginning. Eisenhower was an average student in school. At the military academy, he spent more…

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Rebecca

In 1946, Rebecca was born to a poor family in Tennessee. Her dad was a tobacco farmer. After her birth, her dad paid the doctor’s fee with a bag of oatmeal. Raised with 11 siblings, Rebecca was determined to set out on her own after high school. She pursued a career as an author and…

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Failed Success

One night when I was about 13, I went to my school and ran around the track, imagining there were thousands of people in the stands cheering me on. In my mind, I won the race. But the race wasn’t real, and my “time” didn’t matter. It didn’t count.  We achieve a lot of things…

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Small Town Southern Man

What kind of legacy are you leaving for those coming behind you? In his song, “Small Town Southern Man,” Alan Jackson sang these powerful lyrics: “He was always proud of what he had, He said his greatest contribution Is the ones you leave behind, Raised on the ways and gentle kindness Of a small town…

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Nolan Ryan

Okay, baseball fans, here’s a trivia question for you. Who had more career no-hitters? Nolan Ryan Roger Clemens, Pedro Martinez, Greg Maddux, Steve Carlton, Grover Alexander, Lefty Grove, Don Sutton, Don Drysdale, and Whitey Ford – combined Answer: 1. Nolan Ryan Nolan Ryan tossed a record seven no-hitters over his amazing 27-year career. By comparison,…

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Trumpets and Torches

Sometimes, God employs a strange battle plan. In Judges 7, we read about Gideon. God told him to take 300 Israelites into battle against 135,000 enemy soldiers. And it gets crazier. God said to bring as his weapons torches, trumpets, and clay pots.  Gideon would put the clay pots over the torches so the light…

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Bedrock of Recovery

Let’s talk about a bedrock of successful recovery. It’s called self-control. Jim Rohn said, “Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.”  Scripture teaches, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7). Navy SEAL and leadership expert Brent Glesson writes, in The…

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Missing the Point

The great philosopher George Carlin said, “People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.”  A lot of people miss the point. Consider little Jimmy, for example.  Jimmy walked up to his teacher’s desk, holding a report card with a big red ‘F.’  “If I was you,” said Jimmy, “I…

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Do You Forgive Him?

Your spouse has cheated. Call it an addiction or a disease. Either way, it was a choice. And he cheated. Now you are hearing it from all directions.  “As a Christian, you need to forgive him.” Forgiveness may be the most misunderstood aspect of recovery. Let’s talk about what forgiveness is not. Here are five…

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The Luckiest Man

Lou Gehrig was known as the Iron Horse, as he played 2,130 consecutive games. For 14 years, his name was in the lineup every day. And then he came down with ALS. His weakening condition hastened a premature retirement from the game he loved. On July 4, 1939 (83 years ago today), Gehrig addressed a…

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The $50 Mistake

A man held up a convenience store. He asked the cashier if he had change for a $50 bill. Then he put his $50 bill on the counter. When the cashier opened the drawer, the robber walked around and pulled a gun on him and said, “Give me all the money in the cash register.” …

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Fly in the Soup

A man in a restaurant found a fly in his soup and called the waiter over. “What is that fly doing in my soup?” he asked the waiter. Looking into the soup, the waiter said, “I think he’s doing the backstroke.” In life, we often get more than we ordered. James said it like this:…

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The Five ‘C’s

“Every detail in our lives out of our love for God is worked into something good” (Romans 8:28 The Message).  God is weaving everything that happens to you, in you, and around you – into something great. You are who you are because of five things: Chemistry Connections Circumstances Consciousness Choices The one you control…

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Prairie Chickens

The story is told of an Indian brave who discovered an eagle’s egg that had fallen off a cliff. He placed the egg with several prairie chicken eggs. When the prairie chicken eggs hatched alongside the eagle’s egg, the birds all grew up together. The eagle took on the identity of a prairie chicken. One…

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There’s Still Hope

When we were considering possible names for our ministry five years ago, we immediately landed on the word “hope.” As survivors of addiction and trauma, Beth and I came to embrace hope as the fundamental key to our future. We have come to believe that, no matter the past, and despite all the pain, always…

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The Great Apple Race

As a former Rotarian, I appreciate the ingenuity of the Rotary Club of Huon Valley in Tasmania, Australia. Each year, these Rotarians host The Great Apple Race. Each participant launches his or her apple from the Huonville bridge. The apples then float 300 meters down the Huon River. The person whose apple crosses the finish…

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Trauma

There is no betrayal quite like spousal betrayal. Perhaps you’ve been there. Maybe you’re there now. You know what it is to discover your spouse has been living a double life with double standards. First, trauma knocked on your door. Then it kicked the door down. Now it has taken up residence in your home. …

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Yesterday

In 1963, Paul McCartney was living with Jane Asher, his girlfriend at the time, at her family’s home in London. One night, he had a dream of the good times of his youth. When he woke up the next morning, he sat at the piano at the foot of his bed and composed one of…

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Parlare Italiano?

A Swiss guy asked two Americans for directions. He asked, “Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?”  The Americans responded with helpless stares. The man gave it another try. “Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français?”  Still no reply from the Americans. “Parlare Italiano?” Still, no reply. “Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still, nothing.  The Swiss guy drove off in frustration. Then…

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Deck of Cards

We are all familiar with the metaphor about life that says we have all been “dealt a deck of cards.” You have to play the deck you’re dealt. You don’t get to play someone else’s hand. In your deck were several jokers and wild cards, of which you had no control: Place of birth Generational…

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1904 Olympics

The marathon at the 1904 Olympics in St. Louis was one for the ages. The first-place finisher, Fred Lorz, hitched a ride in a car to the end of the course after he was struck with serious cramping. Thomas Hicks, who finished second, was poisoned before the race, and had to be carried across the…

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Minimizing

In the 1975 movie, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the Black Knight (John Clease) lost both arms in the heat of combat. He said to King Arthur (Graham Chapman), “It’s just a flesh wound.”  The Black Knight did what addicts of all stripes have been doing since the Garden. He minimized. We only find…

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F.A.I.T.H. Goals

If you are to be successful, you will need to set goals – for your recovery, spiritual disciplines, exercise, reading, etc. The Bible says it like this: “An intelligent person aims at wise action, but a fool starts off in many directions” (Proverbs 17:24). What is a goal set in F.A.I.T.H.? It is: Focused: It’s…

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Legacy

Three elementary school friends were bragging about their ancestors. One boy said, “My grandfather was a World War II hero.” The second boy said, “That’s nothing! My great-grandfather led the American League in home runs in 1912.”  They turned to the third boy, who said, “I’ve got you both beat. If my great-grandfather was still…

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Crooked Sticks

God uses crooked sticks to draw straight lines.  That’s good news, because we are all crooked sticks. None of us has batted 1.000, thrown only touchdowns, and made every shot. While some of us are more crooked than others, we all are crooked, with a bent toward selfishness and indulgence.  But that’s okay. God is…

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The Ship

We find this intriguing verse buried deep within the pages of the Old Testament: “King Jehoshaphat built a fleet of trading ships to go to Ophir for gold, but they never set sail – they were wrecked at Ezion Geber” (1 Kings 22:48). The ships never set sail. So sad. That is a commentary on…

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Halloween, 1900

On Halloween, 1900, a ten-year-old boy wanted to go trick-or-treating with his older brothers. But when his mother told him he was too young, he flew into a rage. The boy stormed out of his house and punched an apple tree until his knuckles were raw.  His mother sat down with her son that night,…

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Dad

Allow me to pay tribute to a great man today – on what would have been his 98th birthday.  He went by many titles throughout his life: World War II hero Businessman Entrepreneur Husband Father Patriot But I had another title for him: Dad Dad taught me, more through his actions than his words, the…

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The Second Chance Club

The word on the street is that you’ve messed up. You have crossed some lines you never thought you’d cross. You have stumbled, fallen, relapsed, and stumbled again. Welcome to the Second Chance Club. Let me introduce you to some charter members: Abraham: He pretended his wife was his sister because he didn’t have enough…

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Frog for Breakfast

Mark Twain is purported to have said, “If you ever have to eat a live frog, it’s best to do so the first thing in the morning. That way you can go through the rest of your day knowing that the hardest task is behind you.” Moving from a bad yesterday to a better tomorrow…

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Snowflakes

You are a snowflake. Let me explain. Think of yourself as one snowflake. Now, a single snowflake can’t make much impact on the world by itself. But when one fragile snowflake sticks with enough other snowflakes, they can stop traffic. No one ever accomplished anything significant on his own. That is especially true of recovery.…

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Limp

In the Old Testament, we read the story about Jacob wrestling with God (Genesis 32:22-32). At one point, God wounded Jacob’s hip, leaving him with a lingering limp. Jacob was suddenly in a position of helplessness. He would live with that limp for the rest of his life.  I can relate. My addiction is my…

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Time to Journal

Dr. Catherine Cox did a thorough study of 301 of history’s greatest geniuses. She discovered one common denominator among them. All of them recorded their thoughts, feelings, ideas, and insights.  Today, we call it journaling. Author Kelsee Bailey suggests five reasons to journal. Journaling reduces stress. It improves immune function. It keeps the memory sharp.…

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Lucy Ricardo

Lucy Ricardo was one of the funniest TV characters ever. In one episode of I Love Lucy, she told Ricky and Fred, “Ethel and I have decided that you married a television set and not us.”  In another episode Lucy said, “Ever since I said ‘I do,’ there are so many things we don’t.” Too…

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B.L.A.S.T.

We can’t talk too much about triggers to addiction. From my work with hundreds of addicts, I have created B.L.A.S.T. Most of us tend to be triggered when we are bored, lonely, angry, stressed, or tired. Let me suggest four ways to avoid or mitigate your triggers. Pray. Recognize the temptation and pray for strength…

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Do What Works

There are four steps to progress: (a) saying you’ll do it, (b) doing it incorrectly, (c) explaining why you did it incorrectly, and (d) doing it the right way.  Solomon said, “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty” (Proverbs 14:23). Longfellow added, “It takes less time to do a…

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More Than Words

Communication is about more than the words we speak. Much more.   According to psychologist Albert Mehrabian, when we measure the credibility of another person’s words, we assign 55 percent of the weight to her body language, 38 percent to her tone, and just seven percent to the actual words.  That’s not to say that words…

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She Died at 122

Jeanne Calment’s record is still intact, though Kane Tanaka gave it a good ride. On April 19, Tanaka died at the age of 119. She was the world’s oldest person. But Tanaka fell short of Calment’s record of 122 years, making her the only person verified to have eclipsed the age of 120. Calment lived…

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God Has No Plan B

We hear it all the time. “Your addiction messed up God’s Plan A for your life. But his Plan B is still wonderful!” God has no Plan B. Let me repeat that. God has no Plan B. “We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and…

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Time to Learn

You will never come so far that you have nothing left to learn.   Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”  I challenge you to learn one thing about recovery this week. There are many ways to do this. Pick one: Go to…

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Seinfeld

In a popular Seinfeld scene, there is this poignant interchange between Jerry and Elaine. Jerry: “Is this about me?” Elaine: “No.” Jerry: “Then I’ve lost interest.” And that is the problem for most of us. If something is not about us, we aren’t interested. But recovery takes us down a different path – one that…

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It’s a Volvo

Leroy was willing to do anything for a few bucks. Going door to door looking for odd jobs, he was thrilled when Mrs. Johnson offered him a job. “Go out back and paint my porch,” she told Leroy. A couple of hours later, Leroy told Mrs. Johnson he had completed the job. Mrs. Johnson said,…

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Nik Wallenda

On June 15, 2012, Nik Wallenda walked a tightrope that was suspended over Niagara Falls. That 1,500-foot steel wire could not be stabilized, so it swayed back and forth. As Wallenda inched his way across the wire, he prayed and sang praises to Christ with each step he took.  A few days before Christmas, 2020,…

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The Perfect Fit

One night at the dinner table, the wife asked her husband, “Why is it that you always give me the smaller piece of steak now? When we first got married, you always cut me the larger piece of the streak. You don’t love me anymore!” “Not at all,” said her husband.  “Then why do you…

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Bank Robbery Gone Bad

In 1972, two men, John Wojtowicz and Salvatore Naturile, robbed a French bank. They would have gotten away with it – had they gotten away. But caught up in their success, the young men grabbed the cash, then stood around the bank lobby unnecessarily. Because they didn’t leave as soon as they had the loot,…

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Two Natural Fears

According to psychologists, we are born with only two fears – the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Let’s focus on one of those – the fear of falling.  Here’s an idea. Try using your fear of falling as a positive. Alex Rodriguez said, “Fear of failure is what fuels me, keeps…

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The Hammer

In 1992, a farmer named Peter Whatling lost a hammer on his farm in England. On asking his friend, a metal detectorist, to help him find the lost hammer, they discovered 14,865 gold, silver, and bronze coins from the late Roman Empire. The entire hoard currently is valued at $4.3 million. The coins, along with…

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A Stranger Came to Church

One Sunday, the pastor announced that a special guest would be joining the congregation in mere minutes – Lucifer. He told the morning crowd, “The devil will be here in five minutes. If you want to leave, you better leave now.” Five minutes later, the devil arrived, walked into the church auditorium, and faced a…

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Your Gift to God

May 21 has been a busy day in history.  1842 – Hernando de Sota discovered the Mississippi River. 1881 – Clara Barton founded the American Red Cross.  1927 – Charles Lindbergh made the first nonstop flight across the Atlantic. 1932 – Amelia Earhart flew solo across the Atlantic Ocean. 2017 – Ringling Bros. and Barnum…

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$100

The pastor made a plea for his church to give to missions. He asked, “If any of you had a million dollars, how many of you would give it to missions?” Every hand went up. “What if you had $10,000?” Again, every hand went up. Then the pastor asked, “If you had $100, would you…

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The Dam Broke!

On March 26, 1913, in Columbus, Ohio, a man was spotted running through town. It was later discovered that he was running because he was late for an appointment. But out of curiosity, a young boy saw him, then ran behind him, to see where he was going. Then others joined in. As a joke,…

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Fear Factor

Fear is a great instructor. Carl Jung said, “Find out what a person fears most, and that is where he will develop next.” Elizabeth Elliot offered great insight on fear: “Fear arises when we imagine that everything depends on us.” That is especially true of recovery. I see it all the time – a fear…

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Old Man Rocking

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret to a long happy life?” The man replied, “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. I also drink a case of whiskey, eat fatty foods,…

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463 Times

Genesis 4:3 reads, “And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering to the Lord.”  That was the first “It came to pass” in the Bible. But not the last. The Bible says it 463 times: “It came to pass.” I have claimed that…

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Overcoming Relapse

Does a relapse mean you no longer have anything to contribute? Let me answer that with a sports analogy. When Tom Brady throws an interception, they don’t pull him out of the game.  We have this hope: “In him we have redemption, through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of…

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Run!

A priest was walking down the street when he saw a little boy struggling to reach the doorbell at a nice home. After watching the boy stretch for several minutes, the priest came to the porch and offered to help. He rang the doorbell for the young boy and then asked, “Now what?” The boy…

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Anxiety

According to the CDC, 40 percent of Americans are struggling with anxiety or depression.  A Gallup poll indicated that 60 percent of Americans experience significant stress every day. The Bible is against anxiety. “Be anxious for nothing” (Philippians 4:6). One of the problems with anxiety is that it often leads to acting out behaviors that…

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Disqualified?

You fall into one of three camps: Disqualified Unqualified Qualified For those of us who have messed up, we are often tossed to the curb. We are considered by many to be disqualified from serving God. For others, we never had what it takes in the first place, meaning we are unqualified to serve. Only…

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Love Means

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry” (Ryan O’Neal, Love Story, 1970). That’s true. When you hurt your spouse, you don’t have to say you’re sorry. But it’s a really good idea. Sure, living amends and a change in behavior trump what you say. But learning to express remorse, repentance, and regret is huge.…

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If

There is one condition to a powerful relationship with God. See if you can find it in King David’s charge to his son Solomon. “And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every…

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5 Steps to Temptation

Sometimes, overcoming addiction is as simple as learning how to manage temptation. James said, “A person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed” (James 1:14) Greg Laurie identifies five steps to temptation. We think it.  We desire it. We process it. We do it. We regret it.  The…

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After the Disappointment

During his 45-year career as a composer, Ludwig van Beethoven wrote 722 symphonies, sonatas, and concertos. Even more amazing? Many of those compositions were written after Beethoven had lost his hearing. When Beethoven first noticed his hearing loss, he was devastated. Without the ability to hear the music he made, his life felt meaningless. He…

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One Bad Week

Rob was clearly dejected, so his buddy Ken asked what was wrong. Rob explained, “Three weeks ago, my uncle died and left me $50,000. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew died and left me $100,000. And last week, my grandfather died and left me a half a million dollars.” Ken asked, “So why…

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Quiet

For over 30 years, an acoustic ecologist (yes, that’s a thing) named Gordon Hempton has been compiling what he calls “The List of the Last Great Quiet Places.” It consists of places with at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted quiet during daylight hours. At last count there were only 12 quiet places in the entire…

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Titanic

For 35 years, Robert Ballard committed his life to finding the Titanic. On September 1, 1985, he completed his mission.  Since its sinking in 1857, the SS Central America was the object of hundreds of searches, until the shipwreck was finally discovered in 2014, with coins valued over $100 million.  In 1953, Jonas Salk discovered…

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Licking the Earth

Malcolm Muggeridge offered an example of deep reflection when he wrote A Twentieth-Century Testimony. Among his most profound statements: “When I look back on my life nowadays, which I sometimes do, what strikes me most forcibly about it is that what seemed at the time most significant and seductive, seems now most futile and absurd.”…

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Change

Not so long ago . . . An application was for employment. A program was a show on TV. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A mouse was a critter. Memory was what you lost with old age. A CD was a bank account. Log on meant adding wood to the fire.…

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Kindergarten Lessons

A Stanford professor, Dr. William Fry, studied kindergarteners and adults. He found two differences.  Children in kindergarten laugh 300 times a day, compared to adults, who laugh just 17 times a day. Children ask 125 questions per day, while adults ask just six.  Jesus asked more questions than he answered. He was asked 183 questions…

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Dreams

The Bible says, “In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophecy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams” (Acts 2:17). But how do you know if your dream is from God? There are two ways. First, a…

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Books

There is no substitute for reading books.  Ivan Pavlow said, “If you want a new idea, read an old book.” And C.S. Lewis mused, “You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.” The Bible weighs in: “Study to show yourself approved unto God, a workman…

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Long Walks

When Grandpa Jones celebrated his 100th birthday and 75th wedding anniversary simultaneously, his friends were impressed. “What is the key to your longevity?” they asked him. Grandpa Jones: “Long walks in the outdoors.” His friends asked what led him to spend so much time walking outside. Grandpa Jones: “When we got married 75 years ago,…

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Period of Abstinence

It is not uncommon for a therapist to recommend a period of sexual abstinence for a couple, following the addict’s disclosure. Often, the offending spouse responds with outrage. We often hear something like this: “I have come clean and done the hard work of disclosure. Why would we enter a period of abstinence now?” Believe…

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$5 Genius

A high school dropout struck up a conversation with a genius while sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The dropout challenged the genius to a game. “We will ask each other questions, and when one guy can’t answer the other guy’s question, he pays him $5.” The genius agreed. Genius: “What is the…

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The Right Voice

We hear a lot of voices in our ears. Just a few examples . . .  The voice of conformity The voice of condemnation The voice of criticism But God offers the voice of encouragement. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will…

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Marathon Man

Dustin Hoffman went three days without sleep to prepare for a scene in Marathon Man. Meryl Streep learned Polish and German for Sophie’s Choice. Christian Bale lost 60 pounds to play an emaciated insomniac in The Machinist. Jamie Foxx glued his eyes shut to play Ray Charles. And Leonardo DiCaprio slept in an animal carcass…

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Surrounded

In December, 1944, American forces were surrounded by German troops at Bastogne, Belgium. The German general demanded immediate and unconditional surrender. For the Americans, the situation appeared hopeless. Supplies were low and morale was lower. Enter General Anthony McAuliffe. He assembled the 101st Airborne Division and surveyed the situation. Then he told his men, “Men,…

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Problem or Opportunity?

You need to come to see your addiction as an opportunity, not just a problem. Peter Drucker was right when he said, “Effective people are not problem-minded; they are opportunity-minded.” There are several traits that are consistent among men and women who learn to overcome. Writing for Workplace Strategies, Stewart, Cooper, and Conn identified four…

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Home Cooked Meal

A man bragged to his friends that he had finally met the woman of his dreams. “What should I do next?” he asked them. “Invite her over for a home-cooked meal,” they told their friend. A few days later, the buddies got back together. Someone asked the man how things went with his date. “Horrible,”…

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Impossible to Done

Hudson Taylor, a missionary from the 1800s, said this about God doing the impossible in our lives: “There are three stages to every great work of God: first it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done.” Let me suggest a few things in your life that need to move from impossible to…

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Explanatory Style

Sometimes our defense of past actions is more injurious to those close to us than those actions themselves.  Let’s get academic. Dr. Martin Seligman is a former president of the American Psychological Association. Seligman says we all have what he calls “an explanatory style.” He defines this as “the manner in which we habitually explain…

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Brady’s Last TD

On January 23, Tom Brady completed a touchdown pass to Mike Evans in the fourth quarter of his final playoff game against the Los Angeles Rams. Evans proceeded to toss the ball into the stands. I know. I was there. A fan caught that ball from Evans. Security was on the spot to document that…

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Beamonesque

It’s a real word. You can look it up – beamonesque.  In the 1968 Olympics, American long jumper Bob Beamon won the gold medal. In the process, he obliterated the world record by two feet, with a jump of 29 feet, two and a half inches. His jump was so far ahead of any jump…

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A New Way to Think

You will never get out of addiction by relying on the same thinking that got you into addiction. Said another way, it was your best thinking that got you into this mess. Perhaps it is time to follow your heart rather than your brain.  Blaise Pascal said, “The heart has its reasons which reason knows…

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Before You Move Forward

Sometimes, it is a good idea to look at our past mistakes, to learn from them, so we can move on. Winston Churchill said, “The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see.” Paul spoke with an optimistic voice. “I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will…

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Wear a Tie

A man whose car broke down walked ten miles in the desert in search of water. He was barely able to make it to a small house on the edge of town. Knocking on the door, he then collapsed, near death. A man answered the door, and the poor fellow gasped, “Water! I need water!” …

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Idol Factory

“The human heart,” said John Calvin, “is a perpetual idol factory.” An idol is defined as “an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship.” And we’ve all had them. Some bow to multiple idols every day without even knowing it.  In America, we’ve even made a TV show out of…

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Artists

Gordon MacKenzie, with Hallmark Cards, did an interesting study. While leading art workshops at elementary schools, he asked first graders, “How many artists are in the room?” Every hand went up. MacKenzie asked the same question to a room full of third graders. Half the hands went up. And when he asked sixth graders, only…

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Advice from Gary Smalley

I’ve never met anyone who knew more about marriage than Gary Smalley. That’s why I put a lot of credence in this quote. Smalley observed that most marriages are 80 percent good and 20 percent bad. What makes the difference is which part they decide to focus on most. When we meet our future spouse,…

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A Bad Day

I have a dear friend who was able to fulfill a lifelong dream by attending the Super Bowl this year. What a great day!  Until it wasn’t.  After the game, someone stole his wallet. Shortly thereafter, he tore the meniscus in one of his knees.  We’ve all been there. We’ll all have bad days. The…

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Swim to Cuba

Diana Nyad stared out over the ocean from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, when she was nine years old. “Where is Cuba?” she asked her mother. That day, Diana’s fascination with Cuba took root. “One day,” she told herself, “I will swim there.” At the age of 29, Diana attempted to become the first person to swim…

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Clay

When the prophet Jeremiah observed the potter molding and fixing clay, he noticed something interesting. “Whenever the pot the potter was working on turned out badly, as sometimes happens when you are working with clay, the potter would simply start over and use the same clay to make another pot” (Jeremiah 18:4, The Message). God…

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Go for the Bronze!

Psychologist Vicki Medvec did an interesting study on Olympic medal winners. She found that athletes who won bronze medals were happier than those who won silver. The reason? The silver medalists were consumed with how close they came to winning gold, while the bronze winners were just happy to win a medal. Victory is not…

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The Final Frame

Recovery is all about the next step. But we also need to live today with the end in mind. In his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey writes, “Begin with the end in mind. All things are created twice.” You create your better future by imagining what it can be, and then…

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Two Lives

We each live two lives – the one we learn from, then the one after that. David agreed. He reflected on the difficulties of his past: “It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I could learn your statutes” (Psalm 119:71). Have you made mistakes? Of course you have! Consider the life you…

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Effort

Henry David Thoreau said, “I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to escalate his life by conscious endeavor.” Translation – you can do just about anything if you try hard enough. I have observed that the day recovery starts is the day we go all in – never before. …

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Conformity

In 1951, a social psychologist named Solomon Asch did a series of groundbreaking studies on the psychology of conformity. He gave students a vision test, in which they were asked to determine which lines on a sheet of paper were the same length. But before a student was given the opportunity to respond, several actors…

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Free Haircuts

A barber gave a rabbi a haircut, then refused to accept pay. “I don’t charge clergy for haircuts,” he said. The next day, when the barber arrived at work, he found a loaf of Jewish rye bread on his doorstep. The next day, he gave a free haircut to the local priest. One day later,…

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Broken Trust

Therapist Darlene Lancer suggests seven steps to rebuilding trust with the one you have hurt. Listen to her pain. Empathize with her.  Ask what you can do to gain her trust again. Change your behaviors. Take responsibility for what you have done. Express genuine regret. Embrace open communication.  The Bible is pro-trust. Paul wrote, “Love…

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French Fries and English Muffins

The English language can be confusing. Consider the following evidence. There is no ham in a hamburger or egg in eggplant. English muffins were not invented in England and French fries did not originate in France. Quicksand takes you down slowly. If vegetarians eat vegetables, why don’t humanitarians eat humans? We park on driveways but…

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Just One More Hour

The next time you are tempted to do something stupid, try this – wait one hour before you do it.  If ever there was a man who wished he had put off his disobedience for just one more hour, it was King Saul. The Book of 1 Samuel tells the story. Samuel assured the Israelites…

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Self-Control

That great theologian Lucy, of Peanuts fame, once mused, “I can change the world; it’s me I have trouble with.” I can relate. Fixing everyone else is far easier than fixing myself. Francis of Assisi said it well: “Above all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming…

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Toothpaste

A hundred years ago, only seven percent of Americans brushed their teeth.  In 1929, a company called Pepsodent set out to change that. Within a few years, more than half of all Americans had become daily brushers. The company’s strategy was not to invent a substance that would clean teeth – that was the easy…

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Frog with No Legs

A scientist did a study on frogs. He told a frog, “Jump!” And the frog jumped four feet in the air. The scientist wrote in his journal, “Frog with four feet can jump four feet in the air.” The scientist cut off one of the frog’s legs and said, “Jump!” The frog jumped three feet…

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Your Past

In The Green Mile, Tom Hanks’ character said, “I guess sometimes the past just catches up with you, whether you want it to or not.” Way back in the early part of Scripture we find this verse: “If you have sinned against the Lord, be sure your sin will find you out” (Numbers 32:23). Translation:…

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When Life Begins

A pastor, priest, and rabbi debated the subject of when life begins. The priest said, “Life begins at conception.” The rabbi argued, “Life begins at birth.” They waited for the pastor’s response. After much thought, he said, “I have five kids. For me, life began when the last of them finally left home.” When our…

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Keeping Score

Do you need to lose a few pounds? Chances are, the answer is yes. The average person weighs 35 pounds more than the average person weighed 60 years ago. The average man stands 5’9” and weighs 198 pounds, with women at 5’4” and 171 pounds. So how do you lose weight? Here’s one simple trick. …

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Dinosaurs

Several visitors to the Chicago Museum of Natural History marveled at the site of the dinosaur bones. “How old are those bones?” they asked one of the workers. “This particular dinosaur is three million, seven years, three months, and five days old,” said the worker. The visitors were impressed with the specificity of the man’s…

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Bigger Is Not Better

On this date in 1770, Daniel Lambert was born. He was a slim, athletic boy. But at the age of 21, Daniel’s vice became known. He was addicted to unhealthy foods. Out of control, Daniel would balloon up to 705 pounds, making him the heaviest person who ever lived. He died in 1809, at the…

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Bagpipes

A college freshman was struggling to keep up with his classwork assignments. When his parents came to visit him, they asked him what the problem was. He said, “The guys in the apartment above me keep their TV up too loud. I can’t concentrate.” His parents asked, “What do you do when they get too…

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Preparation

In the 1980s, I used to go to large water parks for fun. There was a huge water park in Dallas called Wet ‘N Wild, which was one of the largest such parks at the time. One day, as I was walking around with some friends, we saw several other guys at the park who…

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Read

I’m typing this from 30,000 feet, on a flight from Baltimore to Minneapolis. It is 9:15 p.m. and I just noticed something amazing. The plane is almost full, but from my seat in the back I can see that not a single reading light is on in front of me. That means that about 120…

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Desire Is Not Enough

I have known and worked with hundreds of sex addicts. And each one shares the same thing in common – a desire to get well. The problem is a disconnect between our will and an actual plan to make it happen.   Benjamin Franklin was determined to avoid that trap. Ben identified 13 virtues that he…

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Bad Typing

I’m going to try something now. Try to figure out what I’m about to do. Iolwenjjvpoteuoecfrullehis3. Did you figure it out? Answer: I closed my eyes, and then typed. The reason many of us fail in life and in recovery is that we have been blinded to what works – meetings, disclosure, therapy, spiritual disciplines,…

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UFOs

There have been reported UFO sightings forever. They come in waves. For example, after Orson Wells’ radio program, War of the Worlds, in 1939, there was an escalation in UFO reports. The same thing followed the Roswell, New Mexico sighting in 1947. But the greatest spike in UFO sightings in the United States came in…

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The Barefoot Bandit

Colton Harris Moore was born on March 21, 1991, in the sleepy town of Mount Vernon, Washington. Colton was bored. So one day, at the age of 17, he decided to become the Barefoot Bandit. Removing his shoes, Colton broke into hunting and fishing cabins near his home. This escalated to stealing cars and trucks,…

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Mustard Seed

Jesus said you need faith the size of a . . . Bowling ball Mountain Purple people eater Mustard seed If you guessed (d) mustard seed, consider yourself a Bible scholar. Did you know that a mustard seed measures only two millimeters in diameter, yet grows into a nine-foot tree? Thus, the seed grows into…

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Antares

On the next clear night, look for Antares. It will be the 15th brightest star in the sky. You will find it in the Scorpius constellation. Now, 15th brightest may not sound too bright – until you consider Antares is a whopping 550 light years away. (That means that what you see when you look…

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Knuckleball Joe

Phil and Joe Niekro were two of the best knuckleball pitchers of all time, amassing a total of 535 wins between them. Joe was one of the Houston Astros’ greatest pitchers ever. I attended many of his games in my high school and college years, in the old Astrodome. But it was what Joe did…

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Library Joke

Here’s your library joke for the day. A man walked into a library and the librarian pulled out a gun and shot him dead. The cops rushed in and arrested the librarian on the spot.  “Why am I under arrest?” asked the librarian. “Are you arresting me for shooting that guy?” “No,” said the cops.…

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33 Roses

In order to express his love for his young girlfriend, a young man ordered 21 red roses for her 21st birthday. But because he was so kind to the florist, unknown to him, the florist added an additional dozen roses out of sheer kindness. Thus, the 21-year-old lady got 33 roses, along with a card…

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Instant Cake Mix

In 1947, General Mills introduced its first instant cake mix. They expected overwhelming success, but the cake mix didn’t sell well. The company was confused, because it had reduced a difficult task to a mix that only required adding water. The problem was that the process was made too easy. General Mills hired a marketing…

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Failures

Writing for Psychology Today, Dr. Lawrence R. Samuel cites seven keys to success: Reject the model of money, power, and fame. Avoid comparisons to others. Take a holistic view of yourself. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small. Accept failures. Prioritize relationships. Leave something behind. Let’s talk about #5. It is important, in any aspect…

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No More Spins

A politician was asked for his opinion of whisky. “If you mean that demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, I’m against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers…

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Legacy

In the sixteenth century, an English playwright named John Haywood died about a decade after William Shakespeare was born. He was less famous than Shakespeare, but perhaps you’ve heard of some of his work. Haywood coined the following phrases: “Many hands make light work,” “Better late than never,” “A rolling stone gathers no moss,” and…

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Listen to Willie

According to the Cleveland Clinic, 80 percent of our thoughts are negative. Willie Nelson was right: “Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” Let me help. Here are a few positive thoughts that will shape your future. When you have a few moments alone, perhaps driving in your car…

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Forget, Don’t Forget

What you think today, you will do tomorrow, and you will become the day after that. The good news is, you get to choose what thoughts will consume your mind.  Here’s the problem – we tend to remember what we should forget and we forget what we should remember.  The same Bible that says, “Forget…

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Four Men in an Elevator

On August 10, 1948, a television producer named Allen Funt debuted a reality TV show called Candid Camera. In one episode, called “Face the Rear,” an unsuspecting person boarded an elevator and did what normal people do – he faced the front. That’s when three actors entered the elevator, and each faced the rear. Hidden…

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The Easy Road

We always take the easiest route possible. Not so, with God. As his children were enroute to the Promised Land, we read this: “God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land” (Exodus 13:17). Recovery is the road less…

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Jump Shot

His name was Kenny Sailors. At 5’7”, he was the shortest player on the basketball team of the University of Wyoming. In 1946, Sailors led his team to the national championship, and he was named the MVP of the tournament. How did he do it? Kenny Sailors became the first jump shooter in college basketball.…

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Helping Others

Are you trying to help someone else with his or her recovery? I’ve been at this a while now, have degrees, certifications, and a decent amount of experience. I sponsor 17 guys in SA or SAA (too many, I know), and have taken 100 guys through my 90-Day Recovery Process. So let me offer the…

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Earl Campbell

One day after practice, a veteran Houston Oiler football player came over to Head Coach Bum Phillips and said, “Coach, I don’t know if you knew this or not, but that rookie, Earl Campbell, was unable to finish the mile run at the end of practice.” Bum responded, “That’s good to know. The next time…

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Recovery Plan

Recovery is all about doing the right thing . . . again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. And again. William James, the father of American psychology, said, “All…

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Dominoes

In 1974, Bob Speca was a sophomore at Marple Newton High School in Broomall, Pennsylvania, when he bought his first two boxes of dominoes. He was instantly intrigued by the science of stacking them – by the hundreds – side by side. In an appearance on The Tonight Show, Bob set the world record by…

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Fit

We all want to become more physically fit. At least we say we do. I can identify with the man who asked his wife, “Does this body make me look fat?” With the new year, I decided to join a health club. On my first day, I was going to work on the cardio machines.…

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Circumstances

One fellow asked his friend, “How are you doing?” His friend: “Pretty good, under the circumstances.” Fellow: “What are you doing there?” None of us has to live under our circumstances. We can live above them. God uses your circumstances. Oswald Chambers said, “It is misleading to imagine that we are developed in spite of…

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Crazy Horse

In 1948, Korczak Ziolkowski was commissioned by Lakota Chief Henry Standing Bear to design a mountain carving that would honor the famous Native American hero Crazy Horse. Ziolkowski devoted the next 30 years to carving the statue, which, when completed, will be nine times larger than the carving on Mt. Rushmore. Ziolkowski died in 1982,…

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The Sin Process

Relapse is a process, not an event. Thomas Kempis said, “Sin is first a simple suggestion, then a strong imagination, then delight, then assent.” The man who grew up with Jesus said, “Each one of us is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it…

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Rest

You wanna hear something that will blow your mind? The command of rest is just as much a part of the Ten Commandments as the command about murder. Or adultery.  “Six days you shall labor, but on the seventh day you shall rest; even during the plowing season and harvest you must rest” (Exodus 34:21). …

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Super Bowl Prediction

It is the little stuff that matters. Why? Because doing the little things, over and over, brings big results.  God brings victory, little by little. Speaking of Israel’s enemies, he promised, “Little by little I will drive them out” (Exodus 23:30). I’m a huge fan of American football. Today is the big day – THE…

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Extremes

The warmest temperature ever recorded in the United States was 134 degrees, in Death Valley, California, on July 10, 1913. The coldest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. was -80 degrees in Prospect Creek, Alaska, on January 23, 1971.  I’m guessing neither option sounds like your next vacation. We live in a world of extremes.…

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15% of Your Day

The average person spends 145 minutes on social media each day. That is 15 percent of our waking hours. And that is a sign that too many of us spend too much time wasting too many opportunities. There are two kinds of people in the world – those who watch things happen and those who…

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The Problem You Know

Some of us are more comfortable with the problem we know than the solution we don’t. Three guys went fishing, when an angel showed up, offering to heal any physical maladies they might have. The angel healed the first man’s back, then the second man’s poor eyesight. Then the angel approached the third fisherman, who…

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It Took 43,800

Noah’s ark took 43,800 days to build. It was the length of one and a half football fields, and designed at a ratio of 30:5:3, which designers use to this day. If the average animal had been a sheep, the ark could house 125,000 animals. Have you visited the National Zoo in Washington, D.C.? You…

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A 100-Year Lease

From 2010-2015 I served as pastor of First Baptist Church in Conroe, Texas. In looking back over those years, we have much for which we are grateful – membership growth, attendance, baptisms, adding two additional services, record offerings, programs, hiring of new staff, and the renovation of six buildings. But it was something else we…

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Four Flights of Stairs

A man climbed four flights of stairs, made his way to the roof of the building, then jumped off. Predictably, he broke both arms and legs, but fortunately survived. They asked him what went wrong. He said, “The problem was that I landed.” Actually, the problem was that he jumped. And that he climbed those…

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Try One Thing

If you are trying to design a better future, try this one thing . . . Sow today what you want to see tomorrow. Robert Louis Stevenson said, “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you sow.” And Scripture says, “Whatever one sows, that will he also reap”…

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Stay Fresh

A British historian named Arnold Toynbee spent 30 years (1934-1964) studying the rise and fall of 19 civilizations. He found one constant throughout. The collapse of every civilization never came from outside attacks. They all fell from within. It was when they ceased to create the future that they began to die.  R.T. Kendall wrote,…

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Brain Problem

Longitudinal studies show that as we age, the cognitive center of gravity tends to shift from the right brain (imagination) to the left brain (logic). Thus, with time, we begin to live less out of imagination and more from memory. We stop creating the future and start repeating the past. We stop living by faith…

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Thirsty

If you are to enjoy lasting recovery, you must stay thirsty for more, every day. In The Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer wrote, “I thirst to be made more thirsty still.” Jesus said, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink” (John 7:37). There are several ways in which you might stay…

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Pray for My Hearing

The local pastor could tell something was bothering one of his church members. After the morning service he pulled the man aside and asked him, “What’s wrong, Robert?” Robert: “I need you to pray for my hearing.” The pastor put his hands on Robert’s ears and prayed for healing. Then he asked, “How’s your hearing…

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No Chocolate for 40 Years

Jack Hayford quit chocolate, and he stuck to that commitment for 40 years. Hayford said, “I made a decision against myself,” meaning it required action he’d rather not take.  If you want to get out of debt, you have to make decisions against yourself financially. It’s called budgeting. If you want to lose weight, you…

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Five Phases of Recovery

Quitting your addiction is the easy part. Staying quit is the hard part. Mark Twain said, “Quitting smoking is easy. I’ve done it dozens of times.” Dr. John F. Kelly estimates relapse rates at 75 percent. In order to secure lasting recovery, Kelly suggests five phases to the process.  Precontemplation: not yet ready for change…

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Manure

In 1894, the London Times ran a feature story on a pending crisis that threatened civilization. In a word, manure. London had a poop problem. As their population hit one million, that meant a need for more horses for transportation. London had 50,000 horses, with the average horse producing 30 pounds of manure per day.…

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The First Elevator

In 1853, America hosted its first World’s Fair in New York City. The man who stole the show was Elisha Otis, who introduced the first elevator brake. Until then, very few buildings in New York had more than five stories, because nobody wanted to climb that many steps.  Thanks to Otis, by 1900, New York…

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My Pastor

One year ago today, my pastor and spiritual father died. Dr. Cecil Sewell led me to faith in Jesus, baptized me, conducted my wedding, and conducted my dad’s funeral. He was always there when I needed him. His loss leaves a huge void in my life.  But in death we can see our God. The…

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Happiness

A recent Psychology Today article describes happiness as “an electrifying and elusive state.” The writer offers research that suggests that happiness is not as much tied to our circumstances as it is to our state of mind.  Marcus Aurelius agreed: “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”  Scripture offers several…

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Beatles’ First #1 Hit

On this date in 1964, The Beatles landed their first #1 hit on the Billboard list. Written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, I Want to Hold Your Hand sold 12 million copies, more than any other song from the Beatles’ incredible run.  The opening lyrics are as follows. Oh yeah, I’ll tell you somethin’…

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Billy’s Prayer

Billy had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while, he emerged and told his mother that he had thought it over and had said a prayer. “Fine,” said his mother. “If you ask God to help you to not misbehave, he will help you.” Billy said, “Oh, I didn’t ask God…

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Donation

Father O’Malley answered the phone. “Hello, is this Father O’Malley?” “It is.” “This is the IRS. Can you help us?” “I can.” “Do you know a Ted Houlihan?” “I do.” “Is he a member of your church?” “He is.” “Did he donate $10,000 to the church?” “He will.” It would appear that Ted Houlihan attempted…

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He Asked Me First

Just days before her wedding, a young woman wanted to be certain of her fiancée’s fidelity. So she set up a date for an attractive woman with her soon-to-be husband.  She told the woman, “I’ll arrange for Jack to take you to dinner, then for a walk on the beach under the moon. To put…

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Routine

Life is all about routine. A study by Duke University found that 45 percent of our behavior is automatic. Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink, writes, “I have a new way of doing things, and I don’t care if you think I’m crazy.” Sometimes, “a new way of doing things” is crazy. There are some routines…

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Tests

The battle for sobriety can be viewed in one of two ways. You can see it as a temptation from the enemy that sets you up for failure. Or you can see it as a test from the Father that sets you up for success. As I remember my academic career, I fondly recall those…

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300 Cockroaches

A woman went into a pet store and asked for 300 cockroaches. The shop owner said, “I can do that, but if you don’t mind me asking, why on earth would you want 300 cockroaches?” The woman replied, “Well, I’m moving today, and my lease says I must leave the place in the same condition…

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The Eyes Have It

It is true that what you take in through your eyes will affect your brain. But the opposite is also true. What you have already stored in your brain will affect what you look at.  Neurologist and author Richard Restak wrote, “What the eye sees is determined by what the brain has learned.”  There is…

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One More Round

On September 7, 1892, John L. Sullivan stepped into the boxing ring in New Orleans as the undefeated, undisputed heavyweight champion. His opponent was a relative unknown, by the name of Gentleman Jim Corbett. By all accounts, Sullivan dominated the fight, but he was unable to score a knockout. In those days, fights continued until…

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God Chose You!

One of the most amazing thoughts to ever consider is this – God chose you. Knowing you would fall, live in addiction, and make a general mess of things, still, God chose you.  Jesus was clear and Jesus was direct: “I have chosen you” (John 15:16). Oswald Chambers reminds us, “It is not that you…

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Lion vs Elephant

A lion woke up one morning, intent on asserting his position as king of the jungle. So he approached the monkey and roared, “Who is the mightiest animal in the jungle?” “You are, Master,” said the quivering monkey. The lion asked the wildebeest, tiger, and leopard the same question. Each gave the same respectful reply.…

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An Unbeatable Baseball Record

There are several baseball records that will never be broken: Rickey Henderson’s 1,406 stolen bases, Joe DiMaggio’s 56-game hitting streak, and Nolan Ryan’s seven no-hitters, to name a few.  But the record of records belongs to Cy Young. Over his 20-year career, Young pitched an incredible 749 complete games. That is more than the 200…

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Can of Worms

A parrot named Zac set the world record for opening the most cans in one minute, by a bird. In 2012, in San Jose, Zac opened a remarkable 35 cans in less than 60 seconds, with his bare beak. There’s another can that has been opened – a lot. A can of worms. The phrase,…

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Your Mind

Adrian Rogers said, “The same Jesus who turned water into wine can transform your home, your life, your family, and your future. He is still in the miracle-working business, and his business is the business of transformation.” How does this process of transformation take place? Paul said it begins between our ears. “Be transformed by…

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Trains

An old farmer took his wife to a railway station for the first time. They looked at the engine that would power the train, and the old farmer shook his head. “It will never start,” he told his wife. The conductor started the engine, and the farmer told his wife, “It will never move.” After…

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Future

God wants you to have a future that is better than your past. Don’t take my word for it. Hear the words of brilliant politicians from both sides of the American political aisle. Republican Vice President Dan Quayle said, “The future will be better tomorrow.” And Democrat Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said, “Americans…

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You’re a Were

Read this passage, and try to pick out the key word. “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of…

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Life Preserver

As the boat was sinking, the captain asked those on board, “Does anyone know how to pray?”  One man stood and said, “Yes, Captain, I do!”  “Good,” said the captain. “You better start now. Our boat is sinking. The rest of us will put on life-preservers. We are one short.”  Addiction has sunk more boats…

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Rudy

On this date in history something interesting happened. On January 5, 1950, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer hit #1 on the Billboard Pop Charts. The song would sell over 8 million copies and was inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame in 1985.  What is so interesting about that? Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is a Christmas…

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Suicide by Pleasure

John Mark Comer wrote, in Live No Lies, “Addiction is a kind of prolonged suicide by pleasure.”  Let that sink in – prolonged suicide by pleasure. Another way to say it is that addiction will take you further than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more…

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Talking Monkey

A man bought a talking monkey from the pet shop. That night he took the monkey to a local bar and bet everyone $10 that his monkey could talk. But the monkey never spoke a word. When he got home, the monkey chattered up a storm. So the next day, the man took the monkey…

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Storms

On August 27, 2020, Hurricane Laura hit Cameron, Louisiana, with winds of 150 mph. The storm left $19.1 billion in damages and took 81 lives. Yet, despite the catastrophic damage, a few things were left unscathed. A plastic trash can remained unmoved outside a local business. A single crepe myrtle tree stood proudly among the…

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New Song

There’s just something about this day that calls for new beginnings. The psalmist proclaimed, “Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things; his right hand and his holy arm have worked salvation for him” (Psalm 98:1). Did you catch the musical selection? A new song. I like old songs. I…

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Breakthrough Is Coming!

If you wake up to a new year tomorrow, it will only be for one reason. God isn’t through with you yet. Perhaps your recovery did not progress in 2021 as much as you had hoped. Perhaps you find yourself mired in chronic relapse. Perhaps you are feeling frustrated, manipulated, repudiated, stagnated, and agitated. All…

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God’s Plans for Your Life

Let me offer you a challenging thought from Oswald Chambers: “God wants to do with you what he has never done with anyone else.” Paul told young Timothy, “Put these abilities to work; throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone may notice your improvement and progress” (1 Timothy 4:15).  This is the glorious truth.…

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Today’s Holiday

There are a lot of important holidays this time of year. Perhaps you’ve heard of some of them: Pearl Harbor Day (Dec. 7), Winter Solstice (Dec. 21), Christmas (Dec. 25), New Year’s Eve (Dec. 31), and New Year’s Day (Jan. 1).   Not to be outdone, December 29 is “Still Need to Do Day.” This is…

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Editor

When I completed the manuscript for one of my books a couple of years ago, I sent it to a new editor. A few weeks later, she returned my manuscript, citing at least 100 mistakes. My response? I found a new editor. We all want to be edited – up to a point. I can…

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Howdy Doody

Here’s a great trivia question for our older readers. What was the first nationally broadcast television program for children?  Answer: “Howdy Doody,” which premiered on this date, December 27, 1947. This iconic NBC show always began with these words: “Say kids, what time is it?” The kids would answer, “It’s Howdy Doody time.” For its…

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A Christmas Poem

There are no lights upon your tree, The gift you want is to be free. You’ve sat alone throughout the night, When from the darkness shines a light. There’s Still Hope this Christmas Season, And from that hope there comes the reason You can make it day to day, No matter what your past may…

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Home for Christmas

In 1943, Bing Crosby became the first to record I’ll Be Home for Christmas. What you probably didn’t know is that the song was written about a soldier in World War II, who was hoping to come home to be with his family for Christmas. With that in mind, James Kimball Cannon wrote this verse.…

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Bethlehem of God’s Son

The words of Oswald Chambers ring true this Christmas Season: “Your body is the Bethlehem of God’s Son.” Paul said it like this: “Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:19). The next time you are tempted to use your body for selfish indulgences, remember who else lives there. God isn’t…

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Ten-Speed Bikes

Linus, of Peanuts fame, had it right when he said, “Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.” I have a ten-speed bike. I like to ride the neighborhood for a little exercise. But after using the bike for a couple of years, I’m thinking about going back to…

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The Key to Success

What is the key to success, in recovery or in life? For answers, let’s turn to the ancient Athenian playwriter Sophocles, who was the most accomplished writer and thinker of the fifth century, B.C. Seven of Sophocles’ tragedies have survived to this day, and he is widely considered one of the greatest minds of all…

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The Paradox of Choice

An interesting study was done with two groups of people. One group was told to memorize seven numbers in succession, walk down a long hall, then recite those numbers to someone on the other end of the hallway. The second group was told to memorize just two numbers, and then recite those numbers to someone…

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Rule of 5

“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established” (Proverbs 16:3). This says two things. First, we must have plans. Second, when we commit our work to God, those plans will be blessed. Let’s start with your plan. I have a simple question for you. What is your plan to stay sober…

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Four Words

Following the resurrection, Jesus showed up at a crowded room of disciples who still did not believe. They were fearful for their very lives, without purpose, direction, or hope. Jesus spoke just four simple words. “Peace be with you” (John 20:19). I’m sure there are several other sets of four-word statements the disciples would have…

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Quiet Please

There are a lot of people who have a lot to say about getting a lot of rest. Solomon: “There is a time to be silent and a time to speak” (Ecclesiastes 3:7). Blaise Pascal: “All men’s miseries derive from not being able to be in a quiet room alone.”  Mother Teresa: “God cannot be…

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Six Factors

If you are going to get serious about your addiction, you will have to move from the talking phase to the doing phase. And for that you will need a plan. Jesus said it like this: “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to…

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Heidi

It happened one year ago today – at 2:10 pm Eastern Standard Time. It was one of the most painful, gut-wrenching moments of my life. It was at that moment that I held my beloved 15-year-old Westie in my arms for the final time, as she received the injection that ended her life. Putting Heidi…

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1928 Olympics

Something strange happened during the rowing competition at the 1928 Olympics. Australian rower Bobby Pearce was in the middle of the race, when a duck and her little ducklings swam in front of his boat. Pearce slowed down, in order to let the ducks safely pass. This put him behind the competition, as none of…

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Red Tomatoes

A boy went by a farmer’s garden to buy some tomatoes for his mother. Pointing at a ripe, red tomato, he asked the farmer, “How much is this one?”  The farmer said, “The ripe ones are $1 each.” “And how much are the green ones that aren’t yet ripe?” asked the boy. “Those are just…

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Little Things

Recovery is big. But the steps to recovery are small. Don’t worry so much about where you will be in five years; focus on the next five minutes. Dale Carnegie was right: “Do the little things and the rest will take care of itself.”  Here are a few “little things” you need to do. Go…

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Excuses

Lou Holtz said, “Some people find solutions; others find excuses. Excuses are easier to find than solutions.”  We’ve been making excuses for a long time. The first excuse-maker was a lady named Eve. Perhaps you’ve heard of her. We read, “Then the Lord said to the woman, ‘What is this that you have done?’ The…

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Recognize Him

One of the least likely people was awarded the right to be among the first to see the resurrected Christ. Mary Magdalene stood in the empty tomb. And then we read this intriguing verse: “She turned around and saw Jesus, but she did not recognize him” (John 20:14). Now, it would be so easy to…

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Dicky Maegle

It was perhaps the most bizarre play in the history of college football. Rice University squared off against mighty Alabama on January 1, 1954, in the Cotton Bowl. Dicky Maegle was an All-American halfback for Rice. Taking the ball at his own five-yard-line, he broke free along the Alabama sideline. As he passed the 50-yard-line,…

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How Bad Is It?

Are you married to a person in denial? Maybe it’s you who is in denial. How do you know if your sexual compulsivity rises to the level of addiction, really?  In his article, “Sex Addiction 101,” Robert Weiss helps the porn user understand the magnitude of his problem. He writes, “The simple truth is that…

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Church Janitor

Jerry never learned to read or write, but he somehow always found a way to get by. After coming to Christ, he went to his pastor, looking for a job. His pastor offered him the janitor’s job at the church. But when he discovered that Jerry couldn’t read or write, he told him he did…

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Marathons

A marathon is 26 miles, 385 yards. Each year, more than 800 marathons are held throughout the world. Larger marathons can draw tens of thousands of participants. And every one of those runners has two things on his or her mind during the entire race – pain and the finish line.  Life is a marathon.…

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PPA

I am a card-carrying member of PPA – People Pleasers Anonymous. I suspect most of us are. And making others happy is generally a good thing, up to a point. But as addicts, we can cross that point, almost without notice. Norman Vincent Peale said, “The problem with most of us is that we’d rather…

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Cash In

Justin Timberlake delivered this line in The Social Network (2010): “A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? A billion dollars.”  Paul wrote, “The love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10).  Money can present challenges for anyone. But that is especially true for the sex addict. I’m sure you…

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Never Hang Your Head

I stepped into my first recovery meeting in 2013. I have met a lot of men and women with successful recovery. I have something to learn from all of them. But as I think about each one, there is a common thread that runs throughout each one.  Those with solid recovery come from different backgrounds,…

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Little Things

Focus on the little things. Make a meeting. Call someone in recovery. Work one Step. Pray a short prayer. Go for a walk. Read a good devotional. Memorize one verse of Scripture. That’s how you secure sobriety – by stringing together several “little things.”  Dale Carnegie said, “Do the little things right and the rest…

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Tickets on the Windshield

Bob came out of a local store, only to be greeted by a motorcycle cop writing a ticket. Bob asked, “Why the ticket?”  The officer replied, “Your tags are expired.” Bob responded, “You are a pencil-necked idiot!” The cop proceeded to add three more tickets to the car’s windshield. “What do you have to say…

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Devils and Angels

Saint Augustine said, “It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.” Clinicians cite several benefits of humility. Let’s name two of them. Dr. Anna Schaffner concludes, “A humble mindset has significant positive effects on our cognitive, interpersonal, and decision-making skills.” And David Robson writes, “Humility fosters trust,…

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Standing Tall

Men usually quit growing by age 18, women a little earlier. And we know that people tend to shrink with age. But did you know we shrink throughout each day? You are your tallest first thing each morning. According to Jamaica Hospital Medical Center, this may be due to gravity compressing cartilage in our spines…

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Milestones

Okay, sports fans. Here are just a few things that happened on this date in history. How many do you remember? In 1961, George Blanda of the Houston Oilers passed for 505 yards and seven touchdowns in a 49-13 rout of the New York Titans. That same day, Cleveland’s Jim Brown rushed for 237 yards…

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Never Too Late

On November 14, 2009, Tom Thompson stepped onto the football field to attempt his first extra point as a place-kicker for NCAA Division III Austin College, of Sherman, Texas. His kick was good. That would be the last point Austin College would score against Trinity University that mild Saturday afternoon.  This may not sound newsworthy…

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A Three-Letter Word

There’s this little word we don’t hear much about these days. Sin. What, exactly, is sin? I will leave the biblical word for “sin,” all Greek lessons, as well as theological ramblings for another day. I love the way Oswald Chambers says it: “Sin is a fundamental relationship. It is not wrong doing, but wrong…

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The Sun Will Rise Again

When the sun sets on Barrow, Alaska, in mid-November, it won’t be seen again until late January. But no one doubts the sun’s existence just because they don’t see it for a while. Why? They know the sun is still there because they’ve seen it before. You can be certain of God’s presence because you’ve…

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Passion

Recovery without passion is just talk. So what is passion? The word “passion” comes from the root pati, meaning to suffer. Anything about which we are passionate is something for which we are willing to suffer.  Sure it is hard to stay sober. Yes, your commitment to recovery will invite attack and temptation. But if…

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Halftime

I am a long-suffering Houston sports fan. Exhibit A – April 4, 1983 The University of Houston Cougars lost the NCAA Finals to huge underdog North Carolina State on the final play of the game. Exhibit B – January 3, 1993  The Houston Oilers led the Buffalo Bills, 28-3 at halftime in an NFL playoff…

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Moving On

On the night of his betrayal, Jesus said something interesting to his betrayer. He told Judas, “What you are going to do, do quickly” (John 13:27).  It wasn’t that Jesus was commending the betrayal, but that he wanted to move quickly beyond this historic mistake. You have made colossal mistakes. Every sex addict has. Now…

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The One

Most of us are in a lifelong search for “the one.” We reason: “If I can find the one [fill in the blank] that I’m searching for, I will finally be happy.”  In my own life, I found my “one,” the very best:  Wife Son Church Home Car Degree Vacation Career Hobby Still, it was…

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Only the Body Matters

As a young man, over the course of about 20 years, I was the proud owner of five different 1966 Mustang convertibles, each in excellent condition. As a classic car lover, I attended numerous car shows each year. And I found a couple of things interesting.  We overlook the dings and scratches in the other…

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Jump!

There is a story in the AA “Big Book” that reads, “I stopped wondering ‘Why me?’ a long time ago. It’s like a man standing on a bridge in the middle of a river with his pants on fire, wondering why his pants are on fire. It doesn’t matter. Just jump in the water!” The…

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Grover Cleveland

It was perhaps the greatest government cover-up in history. In May of 1893, President Grover Cleveland noticed a rough spot on the roof of his mouth, which was soon diagnosed as a cancerous growth the size of a quarter. At the time, America was going through a financial crisis, and the White House feared that…

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A Way Out

Are you going through a “down” time right now? Is life a struggle? Is your sobriety in jeopardy? If you are walking through a valley this week, take heart. God has you right where he wants you.  Oswald Chambers said, “If a man cannot prove his religion in the valley, it is not worth anything.”…

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Reach vs Grasp

Let me give you a thought to ponder. Our reach must exceed our grasp. In other words, no matter how much you have grasped (in recovery or in life), keep reaching. Never let what you have keep you from reaching for more.  Paul said, “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but…

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Bricks

I love the words of David Brinkley: “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” Booker T. Washington said it a bit differently. “Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles…

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New Data on Sex Addiction

Here are three statistics on sex addiction that may surprise you. 42.7% of internet users view pornography. There are more sex addicts in America than the population of 47 states. More than 80% of female porn addicts seek out multiple partners, casual sex, and affairs, which is more than men in all three categories.  The…

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Co-MVPs

Something rare happened in baseball, 20 years ago today. Arizona Diamondbacks pitchers Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling were named co-MVPs of the World Series. This was unprecedented because in each Series, one player always stands out as the most outstanding performer. But this year was different. Johnson and Schilling each pitched multiple games of near…

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Disease or Choice?

Is addiction a disease or a choice? The short answer is yes. Health expert Lorelie Rozzano writes, “Many believe addiction is not a disease because it’s caused by the person’s choice to use. That’s true. The first time is a choice.” In simple terms, we “catch” this disease in various ways, often from trauma, abuse,…

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Politicians

This time next year, those of us who live in America will be going to the polls. Groucho Marx offered a world of wisdom on the subject: “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.” Ron Paul may have had it right: “I don’t…

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Love Each Other

Mr. Jones called a pastor whom he had never met to come by his house to pray for his wife. “What’s wrong with your wife?” asked the pastor. “She is very sick and extremely contagious. Can you come pray for her now?” “Sure,” said the pastor. “But why didn’t you call your own pastor to…

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Prison Letters

A man in prison ministry told me an alarming story at a recent conference. For Mother’s Day, he offered Mother’s Day cards to each of the inmates, which they could use to send a note to their mothers. About 700 inmates did so. For Father’s Day, just one month later, he made the same offer.…

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Pardon Me

If your husband or wife has been unfaithful; if they have been caught in a web of addiction, you have a decision to make. Stay or leave? Your spouse’s infidelity has opened the door for you to pick Door #1 or Door #2 with a clear conscience. No one can fault you if you decide…

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Hold Fast

In the iconic sitcom, I Love Lucy, Lucy Ricardo said to her husband Ricky, “Ever since we said ‘I do,’ there are so many things we don’t.” Nothing is easier to do than drift apart as a married couple. Other interests and responsibilities can crowd out the relationship that matters most, and we put our…

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Creativity

Be creative with your recovery. Have you ever considered that before? I have embraced the basics of recovery for years, checking every box.  Go to meetings? Check. Work the steps? Check. Get a sponsor? Check. Become a sponsor? Check. Pray daily? Check. Make calls? Check.  But it can become easy to fall into a rut.…

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Confident

I share the same birthday with one of baseball’s all-time colorful players – 50 years apart. Dizzy Dean played 13 seasons of Big League ball, with a WW2 mixed in. A four-time all-star, World Series champion, and league MVP, Dean amassed 150 wins to go along with a career ERA of just 3.02. But it…

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False Assumptions

It happened on this date in 1964. The British Invasion continued on the Ed Sullivan Show. Following the appearance of the more clean-cut Beatles, the Rolling Stones showed up. Their loud music, heavy beat, and anti-establishment look certainly caught poor Ed off guard. They were not what he was expecting.  Life is full of false…

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Faith

Faith is an indispensable element of successful recovery.  Corrie ten Boom said this about faith: “Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible.” And Jesus promised, “Whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you ask in faith” (Matthew 21:22).  The role of faith in recovery has now been recognized by…

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Spin Cycle

A young boy went into a grocery store and asked for laundry detergent. The grocer asked, “Is this for your clothes?” “No,” said the boy. “It’s for my dog.” The grocer said, “This stuff isn’t made for dogs. It could kill him.” The boy took the detergent anyway. A few days later, he returned to…

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What’s Wrong with Secrets?

Let’s talk about secrets.  Oswald Chambers wrote, “We are only what we are in the dark; all the rest is reputation.”  Dr. Grant Brenner writes about the effects of secrets on our well-being. “Secrecy reduces well-being, while sharing can increase satisfaction. Keeping secrets takes work and is fatiguing. Secrets make us lonely and sad. They…

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Three Words

Before Jesus taught us what to pray, he taught us how to pray.  Jesus said, “When you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly” (Matthew 6:6). Let me highlight…

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Excusable

Addicts are funny. We have mastered the science of justification for just about any behavior. Our middle circle behaviors are written mostly in pencil, not ink. And it’s true – there are things we can “get away with” that don’t break our sobriety. They are acceptable. But not smart. G.K. Chesterton said, “We do not…

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Potential

We choose people based on what they have already done. That’s true with the NFL draft, job openings, and marriage proposals. We don’t hire potential. Imagine a senior pastor telling his leadership team he has found the perfect student pastor. He describes the candidate thusly: “This young man is bright, has great leadership traits, and…

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Humility. Addiction.

Humility. Addiction. What’s the connection between the two? Surprisingly, the connection is quite strong. We act out when we lose self-control, and we lose self-control when we become obsessed with ourselves.  Psychologist Jeremy Dean writes, “Oddly, perhaps, studies have found that an obsession with the self can paradoxically lead to lower self-control.” So what’s the…

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Objective

J.I. Packer wrote, “What makes life worthwhile is having a big objective, something that catches our imagination.” What catches your imagination? What is your grand purpose for living? What objective gets you out of bed each day?  If you are in recovery, let me suggest a few objectives that you might find useful, all based…

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Unmasked

Do you remember this verse from the New Testament? “We all, with unveiled face, are being transformed into the image of God” (2 Corinthians 3:18). That’s powerful! Did you catch the two words that tell us the requirement for being truly transformed by God?  Unveiled face. We must remove the mask and be willing to…

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Keep Your Pile

A college student sent a letter back home to his parents. “Dear Mom and Dad, I was thrown out of college for smoking pot. I just got married, because I got my girlfriend pregnant. And I was arrested for stealing cash from work.” The student continued. “None of that is true. But what is true…

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Juneteenth

Juneteenth began in Galveston, Texas. The holiday commemorates June 19, 1865, whenGordon Granger, a Union general, rode into Galveston and announced that slavery had been ended. Reaction among the newly freed slaves ranged from shock to jubilant celebration.  There’s more to the story. The slaves had actually gained their freedom when President Lincoln issued the…

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A Headless Crown

There’s an interesting verse in the Book of Lamentations. “The crown has fallen from our head” (Lamentations 5:16). Have you lost your crown? Were you walking in victory, sobriety, and recovery, only to have the crown fall off your head? The Journal of American Medical Association tells us that 40-60 percent of all addicts suffer…

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NFL Passing Leader

Who am I? In 2011, I became the all-time passing leader in pro football history, with 79,816 passing yards. Along the way, I broke records set by Brett Favre, Warren Moon, Peyton Manning, Dan Marino, Philip Rivers, Aaron Rodgers, and Tom Brady. My name is Anthony Calvillo. Perhaps you’ve never heard of Anthony Calvillo. That…

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Hard Work

Dwayne Johnson said, “Success isn’t always about greatness. It’s about consistency. Consistent hard work leads to success. Greatness will come.” Calvin Coolidge said it like this: “Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers. It may not be difficult to store up in the mind a vast quantity of facts within a comparatively short time, but the ability…

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Certain Uncertainty

One of the marks of the Christian walk is uncertainty. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain of our uncertainty.  Scripture confirms this: “It has not yet been revealed what we shall be” (1 John 3:2). Let me say it like this. Certainty is the mark of common sense life, while…

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Owner’s Manual

The following was a phone conversation between the owner of his first computer and technical support. Support: “How may I help you?” Customer: “I’m having trouble with my computer.” Support: “What’s the problem?” Customer: “The screen is black.” Support: “Is your computer on?” Customer: “I don’t know.” Support: “Do you see the power button?” Customer:…

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Miracle Prayer

Let’s put God to the test today. Let’s pray for a miracle. May the psalmist’s words be ours: “You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples” (Psalm 77:14).  Hmm. Where should we start? We are mostly addicts here, so maybe we should start there. Let’s pray for a miracle…

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Saving Grain

This day in history, October 5, 1947, Harry Truman became the first president to give a televised presidential address from the White House. What was it that was so pressing as to demand such a historic speech? President Truman went to the airwaves 74 years ago today to ask the American people for real sacrifice.…

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Decisions, Decisions

The average person makes 35,000 decisions per day. And after we make decisions, our decisions make us. The Bible offers lots of help in this arena.  “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22). “In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:6). You will…

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Keep Swinging

A reporter landed a rare interview with an aging Ted Williams. They were discussing the current state of hitting in the major leagues. The reporter asked Williams, widely considered the greatest hitter in history, how well he would hit against the current crop of pitchers. “I’d hit about .280,” said Williams. Reporter: “Just .280? You…

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No Full-Blown Addicts

“No one is a full-blown addict.” That unusual assertion is offered by Susan Farmer, with the Savannah NewDay Counseling Center of Savannah, Georgia. Farmer’s point is that for every addict, there is still room for things to progress even further into his disease.  What it took to satisfy the addict’s lust a year ago no…

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Can vs Should

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Think about your middle circle behaviors. Sure, you can watch certain movies, you can go to certain places, and you can look at certain social media posts. None of those will be a breach in sobriety, and they can seem pretty harmless in the moment. …

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B.L.A.S.T.

I recently revealed a survey from my Life Recovery Groups that found that the old anacronym H.A.L.T. was really not relevant. While most of the guys are triggered by anger, loneliness, and tiredness, no one said hunger was really a problem. And the groups agreed that two other triggers should be added to the list:…

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Beware of Dog!

A shopper entered a country store and saw a sign that read, “Beware of Dog!” Then he noticed a harmless hound dog sleeping in the middle of the floor. The man asked the proprietor, “Is that the dog I’m supposed to beware of?” The worker said, “Yep! That’s him!” The shopper said, “Your dog doesn’t…

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Baseball History

Okay, baseball fans, what happened on August 9, 1925, that never happened in any other game in history? I’ll give you a hint. The batter was Bobby Veach, of the New York Yankees. Veach compiled a lifetime batting average of .310, and from 1915 to 1922 had more RBI and extra base hits than Babe…

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The Normal Husband

A good friend recently sent me a picture of a sign that read, “My next husband will be normal.” Good luck with that. Alfred Adler, 18th century Austrian psychotherapist, quipped, “The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.” Here’s my challenge. Quit looking for the right spouse and become the right…

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A Trigger We Miss

I’ve written a lot on triggers lately. A friend who faithfully reads the Recovery Minute sent me an email, identifying a huge trigger which I have missed. “Victory,” he said. And he has a really good point. Through the years, I have noticed that a lot of relapse occurs on the heels of victory. A…

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Team Sport

Recovery is a team sport. Even in childhood, Jesus gave us an example of community. One day, his parents went looking for him, only to find him at church. The Bible says, “They found him in the temple. And he said to them, ‘Did you not know that I must be about my Father’s business?’”…

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Row Your Boat

“He made his disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side” (Mark 6:45). I’m guessing that when Jesus did that, his followers yawned, then mumbled to each other, “Here goes another boring boat ride; I wonder what Jesus will have for us on the other side of the lake.” Fast…

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The Next Chapter

Don’t be defeated by your defeats. Defeats are inevitable, but being defeated by defeats is a choice you don’t have to make.  Tom Landry said, “Something constructive comes from every defeat.” Zig Ziglar said it like this: “Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.”  Here’s the lesson – You can’t rewrite history, but you…

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Worship First

Here’s an interesting John Piper quote to start your day: “Missions exist because worship doesn’t.” My initial response to that: Huh? Let’s unpack that. What I think Piper is saying is that when I fully engage God in worship, the result will be a changed life, one which will be used to impact the lives…

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A Generous God

We all know people who are very generous – with their time, talents, and treasure. We often credit them for having a “generous heart.” But put this quote in your pipe and smoke it. Giving does not begin with a generous heart, but with a generous God. We love God because he first loved us.…

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Alone

It is good to gather – in 12-Step meetings, church fellowships, and other groups. But is it possible that we have become what Francis Chan calls “professional gatherers”?  Read the following quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer. In Life Together, he wrote, “Whoever cannot be alone should beware of community. Such people will only do harm to…

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Smarter than Einstein

At the conclusion of the morning service, the congregation filed out of the building. As he passed by the pastor, one attendee told him, “Pastor, you must be smarter than Albert Einstein!” The pastor thanked the man for his praise, but for the next seven days, he wondered what the comment meant. So the next…

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Progress

Brene Brown said, “Perfection is the enemy of good.”  Our task is not to find perfection, but progress. After all, “There is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins” (Ecclesiastes 7:20).  Even the great apostle Paul admitted, “Not that I have already attained this or am already perfect, but I…

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Bald Eagles

A park ranger found a man in the woods, chewing on a cooked bald eagle. “You know that bird is an endangered species, don’t you? I’m going to have to bring you in.” The ranger brought the man to court, where the man pleaded for forgiveness. “Your honor, I was starving, and lost in the…

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El-Shaddai

Sometimes, blessing is followed by darkness. And darkness is followed by blessing. Consider the story of Abraham. God had promised him a son, a nation, and a legacy. But in the short run, Abraham got this: “When the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abraham; and behold, horror and great darkness fell…

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Baby Mops

For every person who (a) has an infant, and (b) wants clean floors, Kenji Kawakami is your hero. The Japanese inventor created “Baby Mops.” His creation is quite simple, but effective. The contraption consists of a bunch of tiny mops, which can be attached to the baby’s clothing, so that when the infant crawls across…

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One Impressive Young Man

The year was 1990. Hugh Gallagher entered an essay contest in search of a college scholarship. His assignment was to highlight his personal achievements from the first 18 years of his life. Among Hugh’s claims:  “I write award-winning operas. I often tread water for three days at a time. Using only a hoe and a…

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Tripping Over Me

In their song, Jesus, Friend of Sinners, Casting Crowns included the following words: “Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth’s become so hard to see. The world is on their way to you, but they’re tripping over me.” Too often, it is those of us who claim a Christian faith and who claim real sobriety who…

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Some Don’t Stick

In the middle of Jesus’ public ministry, we find this startling verse: “Many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him” (John 6:66). I would find that disheartening. My initial response would be to chase after those who had dropped out. Not so with Jesus. In the latter part of John 6, we…

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Start Here

J.I. Packer said, “What makes life worthwhile is having an objective.” What is your objective in life? Any kind of success, especially in the arena of recovery, must have a clear objective at its genesis. Notice the process suggested by wise Solomon: “Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that;…

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TV or Microwave?

A blonde asked the salesman at Best Buy how much the TV that she was admiring would cost. “I don’t serve blondes,” the salesman replied. She returned the next day, having dyed her hair red, and asked the same clerk the same question. “I don’t serve blondes,” the man answered. The next day, the blonde…

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How We All Learn to Walk

How did you learn how to walk? I wasn’t there, but I’ve come to this conclusion: Walking is nothing more than controlled falling.  You learned to walk by learning to quit falling. It was only by not falling that you learned how to walk. No one walks without falling a few zillion times first. That’s…

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Doulothentes

Slavery is still prevalent throughout the world. About 46 million people in 167 different countries are slaves. In a spiritual sense, we are all slaves – to something or somebody. Freedom is simply the ability to decide whose slave you’re going to be.  Paul wrote to an entire church that had been set free. “But…

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84 Divided by 2

The Universities of North Carolina and Toronto did a fascinating study of 84 people. All 84 participants were given the same set of math problems, but half were placed in a bright room, while the other half were seated in a dark room. The ones in the dark room performed better on the test. Why?…

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The Bride’s One Complaint

R.C. Sproul wrote, “If Jesus has one complaint, it would be, ‘My bride never talks to me.’” Notice something Jesus said three times, just before offering us the Model Prayer.  “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites” (Matthew 6:5). “When you pray, go into your room” (6:6). “When you pray, do not babble…

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Why Willpower Won’t Work

Willpower won’t work.  Dr. Dean Drosnes explains: “Why is surrender, not willpower, the key to recovery? The answer lies in brain science. Prolonged [instances of addictive behavior] damage the prefrontal cortex, which is involved in problem-solving, self-awareness, and controlled behavior. Addiction damages the very part of the brain that could enable the addict to stop.”…

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Giving

Let’s talk about giving. Start with this truth: Giving is not about what God wants from you, but what God wants for you.  Do you really believe Jesus had your best interests at heart when he said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35)? If you answered “yes,” than make your…

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Deliver the Cheese

One of the most famous stories in the Bible is that of David and Goliath. You will remember that as a child, David was anointed the future king of Israel. Not long after that, Goliath led the Philistines into battle against Israel. Of course, it was David who slayed the giant, paving the way for…

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The First Teddy Bear

President Theodore Roosevelt was an avid outdoorsman. In 1902, he was invited on a hunting trip in Mississippi, which he was delighted to join. When hunting dogs cornered a small bear, and several hunters managed to tie that bear to a tree, the scene was set for the President to make an easy kill. But…

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An American Hero

On September 20, 1965, American soldier Jerry Curtis was captured in Viet Nam. He would spend the next 7.5 years in prison, suffering from indescribable malnutrition, torture, and isolation. What saved him was a pinhole in his prison cell, through which a tiny light illuminated an otherwise dark existence. Through that light, Curtis found hope.…

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Farmer Jones

At a national conference for farmers, Farmer Jones introduced a new method of farming to the crowd. His assignment for the next year was to go around the country and teach hundreds of other farmers his new technique. At the convention the next year, Farmer Jones was brought onto the stage. They asked him if…

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What God Will Never Do

In a group call with several pastor friends, one of them made a profound statement that has stuck with me: “God will never give you a life where he’s not needed.”  Rick Warren said it like this: “You never know God is all you need until God is all you have.”  And Jesus declared, “Apart…

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Brown Apples

A four-year-old boy was eating an apple in the back seat of the car when he asked, “Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?” “Because,” his dad explained, “after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize, thus changing its molecular structure…

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Accountability

You’ll never get far in life – or recovery – without accountability.  Leadership expert Stephen Covey said it like this: “Accountability breeds responsibility.” In other words, if you want to live responsibly, you must first live accountably. (Yes, “accountably” is a word.) The Book of Ezekiel tells a great story of accountability. God made the…

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Facing Fear

I’m afraid of heights, foul balls at a baseball game, and most Mexican restaurants.  What are you afraid of? We all have our unique fears. And that’s okay. It’s what we do with those fears that matters. Canadian author and psychologist John White said, “True courage does not consist of the absence of fear, but…

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Church vs. Casino

Question: What’s the difference between a prayer at church and a prayer at the casino? Answer: The guy who prays in the casino does so with much more intensity.  Unfortunately, the only time most of us engage in prayer is when we are desperate for healing, forgiveness, or a miracle. I love these words, which…

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The New Colossus

You may not be familiar with poet Emma Lazarus. And you may not recognize the title of her most famous work, The New Colossus. But if you are from America, you will be very familiar with the following words from that poem. “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.…

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24-Hour Challenge

Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, author of Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, states that he asks audiences whether they can go 24 hours without saying any unkind words about or to anyone. Invariably, very few people answer “yes.”  Here’s my challenge. Commit to going the next 24 hours without doing any of the following: Criticizing your…

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Trash Day

Dr. Joyce Brothers mused, “Marriage is not just a spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash.” If you are a sex addict, you need to take out the trash. Solomon said, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13). Your…

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Trust

I recently preached at The Church of the Cross, in Bradenton, Florida, where Pastor Stan Pavlovich is one of my closest friends. Before the second of three services, I met a dear lady named Mary. Mary is an amazing woman. This 87-year-old Navy veteran of the Korean War has many talents, including baking. Mary gave…

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Ranking Top 6 Triggers

The topic in my seven Freedom Groups a few weeks ago was “Triggers.” As part of the exercise, I had the guys in each group tell us what their primary trigger is, that makes them want to act out. The list began with the traditional H.A.L.T. triggers (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). I added two more:…

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Chopsticks

A close friend returned from an extended mission trip in Asia. He came home with great stories and deepened faith. And one other thing. A pair of chopsticks.  Talk about annoying. Every time we had lunch at a Chinese restaurant, he ate everything but the soup with chopsticks. And he wasn’t even good at it.…

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Restore Your Losses

There’s this funny thing about the Christian life. The more you help others, the better off you are. Let’s apply this principle to prayer. We find this interesting little verse toward the end of the Book of Job. Despite Job’s great losses and pain, the rest of his life became the best of his life.…

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Bless God!

There is this little verse in the New Testament that we often miss. “Jesus said to her, ‘Give me a drink’” (John 4:7). When Jesus made this request of the woman at the well, he was teaching us a bigger lesson.  How many times have we been expecting Jesus Christ to quench our thirst when…

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B.S.

There is an old acronym in recovery called H.A.L.T. It reminds us that we are often triggered when we are (a) hungry, (a) angry, (c) lonely, and (d) tired. Let me add two more: B.S. We are at risk when we are bored and stressed. 1. Boredom We get into trouble if we aren’t into…

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The Bachelor

Next season, The Bachelor will resume its 20-year run on network television. Because some years have had multiple seasons, this will mark the 25th season for the top-rated show. As you probably know, the premise is that a man picks his wife from among several women who essentially audition for the job each week, in…

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Are You Really an Addict?

Many of the men I meet ask the predictable question, “How do I know if I really have an addiction?” Let me suggest four criteria for any addiction. A need for more of the behavior to achieve the desired effect. Feelings of withdrawal when unable to engage in the addictive behavior. Repeated unsuccessful attempts to…

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Death of a President

On this day in history, 1875, Senator Andrew Johnson died at the home of his daughter. Yes, you read that correctly – Senator Andrew Johnson. You see, the first president to be impeached also became the first (and only) president to serve in the United States Senate – after his presidency.  On December 29, 1998,…

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Betrayal Pain

Guys, if you think your sexual betrayal isn’t hurting anybody, read on. Barbara Steffens reports, in “The Traumatic Nature of Disclosure for Wives of Sexual Addicts,” that a survey of 63 wives of self-identified sex addicts found that 70 percent of these women met most criteria for a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder, and 71…

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Box of Chocolates

“My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” (Forrest Gump, 1994) A good example of a “box of chocolates” occurred for me when I attended an SA meeting a couple of years ago. That night, a newcomer was present. I talked to him for a…

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Cherry-Colored Cats

A man from Vermont wrote to circus owner P.T. Barnum, offering a cherry-colored cat for $100. Barnum, always on the lookout for rare attractions for his “Greatest Show on Earth,” replied that he would send the money if the man guaranteed the cat was genuine. When Barnum received a written guarantee, he sent the money.…

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Killing Weeds

In our neighborhood, the mowing crew hired by the homeowners’ association took the easy way out. Rather than weed-eating around all the trees and mailboxes, they sprayed some kind of poison on the grass, killing the weeds. Not only did this look bad – dead grass around the trees and mailboxes – a dog in…

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Day of Atonement

It only happened once a year. The high priest entered the Most Holy Place of the tenth day of the seventh month of Israel’s lunar calendar. It was the Day of Atonement.  The priest would remove his ornate robe and put on simple linen garments, then sacrifice a bull for his own sins and the…

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The Key to Failure

The key to failure is to try to please everybody.  Pulitzer Prize winner Herbert Bayard Swope said it like this: “I can’t tell you the formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everyone.” Jesus was anything but a people-pleaser. Case in point: Jesus healed many people, but…

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#1 Reason People Fail

There is a simple reason many of us don’t reach our goal of recovery – we quit too soon. Thomas Edison was right: “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Scaling Mount Recovery will be the hardest climb of your life. There…

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Wiley Post

On this day in history – July 22, 1933 – Wiley Post became the first man to fly solo around the world in his plywood monocoque aircraft, the Winnie Mae. It took seven days, 19 hours, which was 21 hours less than his previous record which he had set in 1931 with a navigator, Harold…

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A Worthy Goal

Two months ago, the Ohio legislature considered a bill that would criminalize “distracted driving.” During a Senate hearing on the subject, a state senator participated in the meeting via Zoom – while driving in his car. Of course, given the topic of discussion, the senator didn’t want his colleagues to know that he was driving…

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Exceptional Moments

Never let an experience with God come before God himself. Don’t live for the exceptional moments. These unusual touches of glory are surprises, which God only brings our way when he sees that we are no longer in danger of being led away by them.  The extravagant can lead to complacency and self-assurance.  Oswald Chambers…

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Not Complicated

I love this simple promise from God: “I will give your life to you as a prize in all places, wherever you go” (Jeremiah 45:5). It is when we abandon our own plans and dreams for God’s plans and dreams that we find glorious freedom. Abandonment means to refuse yourself the luxury of asking any…

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Want Great Things?

The prophet asked, “Do you seek great things for yourself?” (Jeremiah 45:5). I suspect all of us would answer this question with a resounding “yes.” But true happiness does not come from seeking things. It comes from seeking God.  Oswald Chambers said, “There is nothing easier than getting into the right relationship with God, unless…

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Independence Day

For those living in America, today is Independence Day, which marks the birth of the nation. When I celebrate today, two thoughts come to mind. “Our citizenship is in heaven” (Philippians 3:20). “What the people want is very simple – they want an America as good as its promise” (Barbara Jordan). We have daily readers…

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Golf Lesson

A man loved to play golf. But one Saturday, he returned home from a game with a friend much earlier than expected. His wife asked him why his game ended so soon. The man answered, “Would you want to play with someone who whines about every shot, complains constantly about the course, and makes obnoxious…

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Pa Won’t Like It!

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. His neighbor heard him scream in frustration, and invited him over for lunch.  The farm boy said, “That’s mighty nice of you to invite me over, but Pa won’t like it.” After a delicious lunch, the man said to the farm boy, “Before lunch, you…

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Arkansas Hunters

A couple of Arkansas hunters were deep into the woods when one of the men suddenly collapsed. His friend immediately called 911. “I think my friend is dead! What do I do?” The operator tried to calm the man down. “Stay calm. The first thing you need to do is make sure your friend is…

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Choppy Waters

“Joab defected to Adonijah, though he had not defected to Absalom” (I Kings 2:28). Joab had withstood his greatest test, remaining faithful to King David by not following after the fascinating leadership of upstart Absalom. Yet, toward the end of his life, Joab turned away to follow the less attractive leader, Adonijah. He overcame to…

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Keep Playing

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer went out for a round of golf. It wasn’t long before they caught up to a group playing ahead of them, that was very slow. When they asked the groundskeeper why the other group was so slow, they were told that all three golfers were blind. The pastor,…

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The Man Who Died Twice

God cares for you enough to never waste your pain. A good friend recently told me that he hopes God can use his past, pain included. I assured him that this is God’s precise plan. God never lets our pain go to waste. Pain is what C.S. Lewis called “God’s great unwanted gift.” Remember a…

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Stolen Tents

Two philosophers went on a camping trip. Tucked away in their sleeping bags for the night, one of them asked the other, “When you look up, what do you see?” His buddy said, “I see thousands of stars.” “And what is the deeper meaning of that to you?” “I think it means somebody stole our…

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High Places

“He has a good heart.”  We hear that a lot. But is it the “heart” that really matters? Said another way, if the heart is good, but our actions don’t align with the desires of our heart, what good is it? We find this revealing description of a little-known king named Asa. “The high places…

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Gunsmoke

Gunsmoke was the greatest western in television history. And Matt Dillon was the best U.S. Marshal ever. But during his 20-year career, Matt was shot 56 times, knocked unconscious 29 times, stabbed three times, and poisoned once. Imagine getting nearly killed on the job nearly five times a year for 20 years. And you think…

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Married at 100

Larry and Henry were two 80-year-old friends who met for lunch the first Monday of each month. One day, before they even sat down at the table, Larry turned to Henry with a question.  “Who was that cute girl I saw you with at church yesterday?” Henry: “That ‘cute girl’ is my new wife.” Larry:…

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Free Concert

A couple had their car stolen while shopping at a mall. While they were at the police station reporting the crime, the car was returned to the mall parking lot with a note on the windshield. “I am so sorry for taking your car. Let me explain. While walking through the parking lot, my wife…

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Bad Reviews

Beth and I recently ate at a particular restaurant, largely because of its dozens of positive online reviews.   Those reviews were wrong.  Charles Spurgeon said, “A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” Dishonest reviews about a restaurant can cost you a nice night out. Dishonest…

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This Day

Good choices have good consequences. And bad choices have bad consequences. C.S. Lewis wrote, “If man had never made bad choices, there would be no hell.” The bad choices of sexual addiction have resulted in a myriad of consequences: broken relationship with God, sleepless nights, loss of marriage, lack of spiritual power, absence of authenticity,…

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Dumb Mr. Lewis

On April 4, 2019, Michael Casey Lewis was booked by the St. Lucie County (Florida) Sheriff’s Office for grand theft. He bonded out of jail and was released the same day.  Immediately after his release, Lewis burglarized several cars in the jail parking lot.  I think we can agree that Mr. Lewis cannot be considered…

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A New Plan

There are a lot of interesting strategies that have been implemented in the fight against lust. Some have been found to be more successful than others. And it is my opinion that pretty much any plan that works is a good plan.  But here’s one you may have not thought of before. In the words…

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Prison

Three men were each sentenced to 20-year prison terms. Each was allowed to bring one item into their cell, which they could keep for the entire 20 years. The first man requested a stack of books, the second requested his wife, and the third man asked for an unlimited supply of cigarettes.  At the end…

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Name Him

Name him. He was one of just 13 athletes to play both Major League baseball and for the National Basketball Association. He played for the Los Angeles Dodgers, Chicago Cubs, and Boston Celtics. He was the first player in NBA history to shatter a backboard while dunking the basketball.  If you guessed Kevin Joseph Aloysius…

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Music Trivia

Let’s play music trivia. Who was the first American Idol winner? Whom did Paul McCartney credit for teaching him everything he knew? Who was the first woman inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Who is the only country artist to have a Top-20 hit for six consecutive decades? What was Elvis Presley’s…

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An Apple a Day

We say, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” But no one really eats an apple a day. We say a lot of things – we’re going to join a gym, eat healthy, or spend less time playing silly video games. Many of us say we love our church, but a smaller percentage of…

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You Already Have Enough

When God told Gideon to lead his people to victory over the Midianites, Gideon complained that he was the weakest man in the weakest family in the weakest tribe of Israel. Gideon essentially said, “Get someone else!”  To that, God said, “Go in the strength you already have” (Judges 6:14). That is life-changing. “Go in…

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Good Tears

Hard times are a part of life. And they are certainly a part of recovery. I love this quote I came across the other day: “Laughter means nothing unless there have been tears” (Jack Hyles). Often, these tears are the result of bad decisions. A study cited by Psychology Today found that most people fail…

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Smuggling

A man approached the border on his bicycle, carrying two heavy bags. The border patrol suspected drugs, but when they opened the bags, they only found sand. The next day, the man was back, crossing the border on a bicycle, carrying two bags. And once again, the border patrol checked the bags. Still, just sand. …

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Turning Back

It’s one of the saddest verses in the Bible: “From that time many of his disciples went back and walked with him no more” (John 6:66).  In the recovery world, we call that relapse.  We find the following data on relapse from the Recovery Village. Following treatment, 80% suffer relapse within the first year. After…

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Innocence

Purity is not innocence. If you define your sexual sobriety by zero thoughts of fantasy, no second looks, and only the purest of motives, prepare to reset your sobriety date – often. Purity is not innocence. This is to excuse any of the above. You absolutely should strive every day to overcome fantasy, second looks,…

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Lawnmower

When Bob’s lawnmower quit on him, he called the repair shop. He asked the man at the shop what he recommended.  “We always suggest you try to fix the lawnmower yourself first. Only bring it to us if that doesn’t work.” Bob responded, “Wow! Thanks for the tip. But does your boss know you’re turning…

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Afraid

Here’s something you don’t think about when you become a follower of Christ: “As they followed him they were afraid” (Mark 10:32). It’s what Oswald Chambers called “the discipline of dismay.” Charles Stanley wrote, “Those who have never trembled from head to toe will never know God’s perfect love.” I suggest we do two things:…

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Weak Is Good

In his song, Weak Man, Leeland Mooring repeated this line throughout: “I’ll be weak for You are strong.” Dr. Travis Myers, professor of church history at Bethlehem College and Seminary, offers three ways in which God uses our weaknesses. Weakness reminds us that our life depends on God. Weakness reminds us that we deserve wrath,…

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Millard Fillmore

On March 8, 1874, former President Millard Fillmore died from a stroke at his home in Buffalo, New York. His last words were spoken to his doctor, who had just fed him his last meal: “The nourishment is palatable.” Fillmore is buried near his home in Buffalo, and his grave can be easily viewed by…

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Snatched from the Fire

Speaking of substance abuse, Joanne Zuhl wrote, “Even if addiction isn’t what puts people on the streets, it is often what keeps them there.”  Let’s apply that to any addiction, including sex. For many of us, regardless of how we found our way into the ditch, we are there, and we struggle mightily to dig…

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Truth

In an old episode of Bonanza, Ben Cartwright said, “I don’t have anything against education, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your thinking.” That’s how a lot of us think. We are all in for truth – as long as it fits our narrative.  I agree with the sage philosopher of the past generation,…

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Your Stash

I read about a bank robbery which resulted in a two-week trial for the prime suspect. While most observers were convinced of the man’s guilt, the jury foreman announced the verdict – “Not guilty.” The judge then asked the defendant if he had any questions. The man replied, “Only one question, your honor. Does this…

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Neuroadaptation

In his groundbreaking book, Drowning in Screen Time, my good friend David Murrow writes, “Photographic pornography has existed only since the mid-1800s and was made illegal in the United States in 1873. Vice laws were relaxed after World War II, and Hugh Hefner democratized and upscaled porn with the debut of Playboy magazine in December,…

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Porn Justified

Sadly, modern culture has degenerated to the point that many are now defending the indefensible.  Writing in Salon, Anna Pulley said, “Unlike physical sex, watching porn spreads no diseases, leads to zero pregnancies, and doesn’t engage with vicious judgments. Plus, using porn to satisfy one’s sexual needs is safe, free-to-cheap, and convenient. And it can…

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Get Real

Sex addiction is an intimacy disorder. Ron Deal writes, “For many, sex has become a hiding place, a behavior that presents the appearance of intimacy, but is really striving for self-protection.” Sadly, true transparency, genuineness, and authenticity are not descriptors of many of us. Chris Rock framed it like this: “When someone meets you, they…

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Headwinds

There is a stream of theology running amok that says faith in God means never having any problems. Tell that to the Apostle Paul. Reflecting on his trip across the Mediterranean Sea, Paul said, “The winds were against us” (Acts 27:4). That particular storm lasted for two weeks, leading to a shipwreck. The God of…

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The Driver

When I was a kid, our family drove great distances on vacations from Texas – to California, Tennessee, and Ohio. I often slept for hours in the crowded car. How could I do this? It’s simple. I knew the driver. With Dad at the wheel, I always felt safe.  I have found recovery to be…

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To Know God

There is a line from AA that reads, “It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning.” A knowledge of God is foundational for long-term recovery. J.I. Packer said it so well: “Once you become aware that the…

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Simple

From my 31 years as a pastor and eight years of recovery work, I have come to this conclusion. Most of us are educated far beyond our level of obedience.  I often tell clients they won’t fall because they don’t know what to do, but because they don’t do what they know. It is important…

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God Sees

What you see in the future, God sees in the past.  Let me say that again. What you see in the future, God sees in the past. That’s why he promises, “I will guide you with my eye” (Psalm 32:8). God sees what is coming before it comes.  What you see in the future, God…

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God Sees

What you see in the future, God sees in the past.  Let me say that again. What you see in the future, God sees in the past. That’s why he promises, “I will guide you with my eye” (Psalm 32:8). God sees what is coming before it comes.  What you see in the future, God…

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Tightrope

On June 15, 2012, Nik Wallenda crossed Niagara Falls on a tightrope. That’s pretty impressive. I’ve met Nik. He’s an impressive guy and a devoted follower of Christ. But he wasn’t the first to cross the Falls. On June 30, 1859, Charles Blondin became the first to complete this unbelievable task. And he did it…

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Unattainable

William Howard wrote, “The future belongs to the man who sets his sights on what is humanly unattainable.”  There are several dreams I once found unattainable in my life:  Saving my marriage Life after pastoring 2,302 consecutive days of sexual sobriety (as of today) Here’s the good news: we serve a God who turns the…

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When Life’s a Wreck

Psalm 46:1-3 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.” God doesn’t promise that there will be no storms.…

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Sanctification

Life for the believer is a process: Regeneration Sanctification Glorification  In regeneration, we are born again. In glorification, we meet God face to face. It’s that middle step we are in now.  Paul wrote, “This is the will of God, your sanctification” (1 Thessalonians 4:3). J. C. Ryle takes us a little deeper. “The means…

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Daily

G.K. Chesterton said, “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried.”  But following Jesus isn’t just hard work. It is daily work.  Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). Catch…

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Conor McGregor

There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. MMA legend Conor McGregor said, “My success isn’t a result of arrogance. It’s the result of belief.”  Belief is good. Arrogance is not.  Pastor Sam Rainer said it like this: “Arrogance is not a good vehicle for the Gospel.” So what’s the problem with arrogance? From…

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Presumptions

A new CEO demanded hard work from his employees. One day, he saw a guy standing by the food table, doing nothing. He yelled, “You’re fired! Get out of here!” Then he turned to one of the other men and said, “Smith, see what happens to slackers? Tell me, in your own words, what just…

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Hole Digger

Two guys were working for the city. One would dig a hole, and the other would come behind him and fill it back up. A bystander was watching in disbelief. He said to the hole digger, “I am impressed by your hard work, the way you dig each hole. But why does your partner come…

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Name This Place

It opened in 1992. It is large enough to hold 32 Boeing 747s. It has a roller coaster and a 74-foot Ferris wheel. Also home to a 1.2 million gallon aquarium, a wedding chapel, and 50 restaurants, it is visited by over 40 million guests each year, making it the most visited place in the…

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Who Would Have Known?

Who would have known?  Cows don’t like the sound of cowbells. The sound increases the cow’s heart rate and creates anxiety. A Swiss study found that the constant sound of cowbells negatively affects the cow’s grazing and dietary habits.  Who would have known?  In the earliest days of baseball, umpires called balls and strikes from…

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There’s Still Hope

Dr. Frances Cohen Praver writes, “Rather than desiring a sexual partner, the sex addict craves a sexual object – his fix.” God commanded man to “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). And he created the perfect way to do that. We call it “sex.” And when limited to the marriage bed, sex is a wonderful…

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The Wedding Cake

A dietician was addressing a crowd who wanted to learn how to eat in a healthier way. After his speech, he took questions from the audience.  One person asked, “What food causes more pain and suffering years after its consumption?”  Before the speaker had time to respond, a wise guy yelled out: “That’s easy –…

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The Tongue

The United States military is the world’s #1 purchaser of explosives. Coming in at #2 is – ready for this? – Disney World. Explosives are either good or bad depending on how they are used. The tongue is that way. James said that the tongue can bring great blessing or destruction, depending on how it…

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The First YouTube Video

The very first YouTube video was an 18-second clip called “Me at the Zoo.” It was uploaded by the site’s co-founder, Jawed Karim, on April 23, 2005. The video was first recorded by Karim’s high school friend, Yakov Lapitsky, at the San Diego Zoo, featuring Karim in front of the elephant habitat. Major achievements often…

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Samuel J. Tilden

The 2020 election was without controversy compared to what happened in 1876. You’ve probably heard of Rutherford B. Hayes, who won the election. But you need to know about his opponent, Samuel J. Tilden. Winning 52 percent of the vote, Tilden became the first – and only – presidential candidate in U.S. history to win…

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Quiet, Please!

Mother Teresa: “God cannot be found in noise.” A study in the journal Heart in 2006 found that silence can relieve tension in just two minutes.  In another study of 100 men and women who went on a silent retreat, Conor O’Shea found that simply being quiet before the Lord led each person to experience…

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God Has a Plan

God has a plan. No matter the turmoil and pain you may have caused with your addiction, God can turn it for good. Peter Marshall wrote, “God will not allow suffering to come into your life without first devising a plan on how to use it.” There is no amount of suffering that is greater…

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Twenty $1 Bills

A lady lost her purse in a shopping mall. It was found by a young boy, who was happy to return it. When the woman looked through her purse, she found something odd. “When I lost my purse, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.” The boy replied, “That’s…

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Fast and Furious

There’s a great line from the movie, The Fast and the Furious: “I live my life a quarter mile at a time.”  Dr. Eric Maisel writes, “Recovery requires daily exercises and paying daily attention to your life’s purposes.” If you desire long-term sobriety, I offer this advice – Stop it! Let me explain. While long-term…

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Life Jackets

As a storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?” One man stepped forward. “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.” “Good,” said the captain. “You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We’re one short.”  In life – and…

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Where Football Began

What we in America call “football” has its roots in European rugby and what we call “soccer.” Imported to the states in the 1800s, these games evolved into what would eventually become the National Football League, which recently celebrated its 55th annual Super Bowl. Tom Brady has won 50 of those Super Bowls. The modern…

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Charles Reilly

On this day in history – April 29, 1892, Charlie Reilly did something that had never been done in a baseball game before. He was baseball’s first pinch hitter. We all need a pinch hitter at some point.  At some point in every hitter’s career, they come out for a pinch hitter. There are times…

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Humiliations

Writing The True Christian Life, John Calvin said, “Warned by such evidences of their spiritual illness, believers profit by their humiliations. Robbed of their foolish confidence in the flesh, they take refuge in the grace of God. And when they have done so, they experience the nearness of the divine protection which is to them…

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When They Were Alone

I recently came upon this gem from the Book that bears my name. “When they were alone, Jesus explained all things to his disciples” (Mark 4:34).  Think on that for a second or two . . .  Okay, time’s up. Allow me to expound. The disciples had a front row seat to Jesus’ miracles, healings,…

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Keep Punching

Relapse is a trickle that becomes a stream that becomes a river. The key is to catch it while it is still just a trickle. Any of us is susceptible to relapse. Take this verse to heart: “Let him who thinks he stands take heed, lest he fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12).  In my book, Life…

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Hogan’s Hero

Bob Crane played Colonel Hogan in the 1960s comedy series, Hogan’s Heroes. Crane lived the life of a faithful family man. He was married and had five children.  But there was more to Crane’s life than his fans, friends, and family knew. He was living the compartmentalized life of a sex addict. On June 29,…

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Manna

Your past performance is no guarantee of future success. If Jesus was sitting there with you in place of your device, he would say what he has already said: “Take no thought about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take thought about the things of itself. Sufficient to the day is the trouble thereof” (Matthew 6:34). Translation:…

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Mess Up, Clean Up

God loves the worst of us on our worst days just as much as he loved Billy Graham on his best day. Oswald Chambers wrote, “The miracle of the redemptive reality of God is that the worst of the vilest offenders can never exhaust the depths of his love.” The great apostle said it like…

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How to Become a Billionaire

Let’s start today with some financial advice. I’m going to give you one tip for financial planning. If done successfully, it will guarantee your financial security and that of your children and grandchildren. Ready? Here it is.  Become Steven Spielberg’s beneficiary. Why? Because Spielberg has the most expensive life insurance policy in the world –…

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Get Outta Dodge!

Ever hear the phrase, “Get out of Dodge?” From whence does that come? In the late 1800s, cowboys often moved their cattle north from Texas into Kansas territory. This took them through a town called Dodge, where legendary lawman Wyatt Earp helped keep the peace.  They made a TV show out of it, called Gunsmoke,…

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Pumped

A man was walking across the prairie when he saw a farm in the distance. And on the farm was a man pumping a well. As the traveler got closer, he was amazed at the consistent, effortless work of the man pumping the well. Then, when he got closer, the picture became clear. Beneath the…

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King James Living

A few weeks ago, I was privileged to speak at the memorial service of my lifelong pastor, Dr. Cecil Sewell, Jr., who went to be with the Lord at the age of 84. His pastor was kind enough to invite me to attend his church the morning of the memorial service. What I found in…

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Joe DiMaggio

One year, Joe DiMaggio missed much of the season with a minor injury. He saw this as a good opportunity to sit with his son, Joe, Jr., at a ballgame. So one day, rather than sit in the dugout, DiMaggio wore dark glasses and a ball cap, while sitting with his son in the stands…

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Where You Should Die

President John Quincy Adams was a man of firsts. He was the first son of a president to become president himself. He was the first president to serve in Congress after his presidency – for 18 years. He was the first president whose body was transported to its burial place by train. And he was…

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Stephen King

On June 19, 1999, author Stephen King was taking an afternoon walk along a familiar road near his home in Maine. A driver named Bryan Smith, distracted by a dog in his van, was driving the same route. He swerved to the side of the road and struck King, sending him 14 feet through the…

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Get Your Own Dirt!

A scientist told God, “We no longer need you. We have advanced to the point that we can create anything we need with our own ingenuity.”  God said, “You want to put that to a test?” The scientist said, “Sure. What do you have in mind?” God said, “Let’s each make a man, just like…

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Together

Compromise is a key ingredient to a successful marriage. I love the example of Senator Rob Portman, who said, “My wife became a Republican when I became a Methodist.” The marriage relationship is, of course, unique among all relationships. God spoke to men through his prophet Malachi. He described the woman as “your companion and…

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The Ohio River

The Allegheny and Monongahela Rivers join together in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, to form the Ohio River. If you want to understand the Ohio River, you must first take a look at the Allegheny and the Monongahela.  Jesus said, “It is what comes out of a person that defiles him” (Mark 7:15). Medical News Today identified the…

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Worship

According to the Journal of Religion and Health (August 21, 2019), 73 percent of addiction treatment programs in the U.S. include a spirituality-based element. There’s a reason for that.  The Bible is full of examples of the benefits of a spiritual connection for those seeking to improve their personal lives. We read this account of…

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BID Disease

Have you heard of BID disease? That stands for Body Integrity Dysphoria. Only a very small number of people have it, maybe 300 in recorded history. BID, which strikes mostly men, causes the patient to have an overwhelming sense that a certain limb on his body doesn’t belong. And its effects can be catastrophic. A…

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Foundation

Early in recovery, we attend a 12-Step meeting and are humbled as we hear others speak of their longtime sobriety – one, two, five, or even ten years. What we need to recognize is the need to celebrate early victories. There is a biblical model for this. In the Old Testament we read of the…

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Survival

If you ever find yourself in a sinking car, in the arms of a bear, or jumping from a building into a dumpster from three stories up, there is a book written just for you. It’s called The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook, and it certainly deserves an esteemed place in anyone’s library.  At There’s Still…

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When God Says No

A common train of thought is that if we do our spiritual disciplines, go to church, and live a good life, we will be rewarded by God meeting all of our hearts’ desires.  Not so fast! Case in point – St. Peter. One day, when all was well, he made a simple request of the…

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Seven Years of Marriage

Your wife has a cold. This is how you respond, each year of marriage. Year 1: “Sugar babe, I’m worried about your sniffles. I’ve made an appointment for you to see the head of surgery at St. Luke’s. I’ll take you this afternoon.” Year 2: “Darling, I don’t like the sound of that. I’ve asked…

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The Green Room

When someone is a guest on a talk show, before going out, they wait in the “green room.” Before a band takes the stage, they gather in the “green room.” Before a politician offers a speech, he waits off stage, out of sight, in the – you guessed it – “green room.” So why is…

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Love vs Live

“And this is eternal life, that they should know you, the only true God” (John 17:3). There is this dichotomy in life. On one side we have what we love, but on the other side we have how we live. For those mired in addiction, this becomes a daily battle.  I love my God, yet…

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The Elevator

Bubba drove his family into the big city for the first time. Their first stop was a four-star, 20-story hotel. As they entered the lobby, an elderly woman with a cane entered an elevator. Of course, Bubba and his family had never seen an elevator before, so they just assumed the lady was walking into…

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A Strong Hand

I came across an interesting quote the other day: “Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for someone who has had a relapse is to not sound loving.” The prophet said it like this: “The Lord spoke to me with a strong hand” (Isaiah 8:11).  You know someone who is struggling in their addiction.…

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Oswald Chambers

In His Utmost for My Highest, Oswald Chambers writes, “God providentially produces a crisis where we have to decide – for or against. That moment becomes a great crossroads in our lives. If a crisis has come to you on any front, surrender your will to Jesus absolutely and irrevocably.” When a crisis hits, you…

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Tom Dula

Tom Dula lived deep in the North Carolina Appalachians. Dula was known as a ladies’ man, and he had an on-again, off-again relationship with a woman named Anne Foster. The problem was that Foster was married to another man. Rather than break off the relationship, Dula continued to see Ms. Foster, as well as her…

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How to Settle an Election

There are different ways to settle elections. What we saw in the presidential vote a few months ago continues to lead to dissention on both sides. Maybe they have figured out a better plan in Dickinson, Texas. The Houston suburb of about 22,000 citizens held a mayoral race in November. No candidate received 50 percent…

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Stolen Bikes

Have you ever tried to manipulate God? Maybe you asked God for something, but then you set out to help him answer your prayer. Comedian Emo Philips said, “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked God for forgiveness.” While I don’t…

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Compelling Goal

One of my truisms in life is this: seek answers and you will be frustrated; seek God and answers will find you. J.I. Packer said, “There is no more compelling goal than knowing God.” And the prophet said, “I desired the knowledge of God more than burn offerings” (Hosea 6:6). You will never find lasting…

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Future

You have a past. But far more importantly, you have a future. And in order to have a better future, you need to quit trying to have a better past. Author Jason Versey observed, “Even a spineless anthropod sheds what’s no longer useful and leaves it behind.” I have come to believe that our past…

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Ducks

Where we live in Florida, we see a lot of ducks. They are in the pond behind our house, waddling around the neighborhood, and too often, walking across the street. And that’s where it becomes a problem. Walking across a street where there are a lot of drivers over 90 (the median age of Floridians…

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Puzzles

Beth and I have reached the age when we enjoy things like collecting shells on the beach. We still wait up for the news before we go to bed. But instead of watching the 10:00 news, we watch the 6:00 news. And one other sign of our age – we love to work a good…

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The Truth

It was one of the few movies I remember watching in a theater with my mom. The year was 1992. The movie was A Few Good Men. Mom’s favorite actor, Jack Nicholson, played the role of Jessup. And he uttered this most famous line – “You can’t handle the truth!” I offer the following for…

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Flawless

The MercyMe song from 2014 has become one that I listen to multiple times each week. I suggest you watch it on YouTube, as the visuals are most powerful. Here are a few of the lyrics. No matter the bumps No matter the bruises No matter the scars Still the truth is The cross has…

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Don’t Forget God

You will never find recovery apart from your Higher Power. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “At this moment of lust God loses all reality. Satan does not fill us with hatred of God, but with forgetfulness of God.” Many of us have become what Craig Groeschel calls a “Christian atheist.” We believe in God, but when it…

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What No One Else Sees

2 Kings 5:1 reads, “Naaman was commander of the army of Aram. He was a great man in the sight of his master, and was highly regarded. He was a mighty man of valor. But Naaman had leprosy.” A person with leprosy would not be allowed in public, and everything he touched was considered cursed.…

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More than Compliance

The average person of 2021 meets as many people in one year as our grandparents met in their lifetimes. With so many ways to connect with others, no one is alone. But many are lonely. That’s where Jesus steps in. He was rightly accused of being a “friend of sinners” (Luke 7:34). And Jesus told…

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Touch

It was New Year’s Day of 1907. A staggering 8,150 people lined up at the White House to shake the hand of President Theodore Roosevelt. That is a presidential handshaking record that stands to this day. There is no substitute for a physical touch. In the 1990s, two scientists traveled to Romania to examine the…

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Jefferson’s Flaw

Thomas Jefferson was a man of amazing brilliance and wide-ranging achievement. Not only was he the author of the Declaration of Independence and president of the United States, he was also a philosopher, diplomat, inventor, architect, and musician. But there was one thing Jefferson wasn’t good at. Managing money. Throughout his life, Thomas Jefferson spent…

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Bridge Jumping

Bob was walking across a bridge when he saw a man named Jim, about to jump to his death. “Don’t jump!” said Bob. “Why not?” asked Jim. “I don’t have any friends.” Bob: “Are you religious?” Jim: “Yes.” Bob: “Me too! What denomination?” Jim: “Baptist.” Bob: “Me too! Southern Baptist or American Baptist?” Jim: “Southern.”…

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Ain’t That a Shame

You must learn to stare shame in the face, then walk away. Jay Stringer writes, “My research found that shame was the most consistent key driver of unwanted sexual behavior. Shame convinces us that we are unwanted, and we pursue behavior that confirms it. To find freedom, disarm the power of shame.” Andy Casagrande, the…

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Five Keys to Accountability

There are three keys to sobriety: desperation, surrender, and community. And a part of community is accountability. You need to have someone in your life whom you hold accountable for their sobriety, and you need to be accountable to someone else. The Bible says it like this: “Set the believers an example in speech, in…

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The Artist

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings, which were on display. The gallery owner said one man had asked if the paintings would appreciate after the artist’s death. “What did you tell him?” asked the artist. “I told him they would appreciate in value, and he…

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Destination Unknown

There’s a little verse in the New Testament that reads, “Abraham went out, not knowing where he was going” (Hebrews 11:8). Notice three things. 1. Abraham didn’t wait until he had all the facts before he stepped out. Life is about direction, not destination. When God directs, start walking, whether you can see the finish…

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Plane Dumb

Jim decided to finally face his fear of heights. On his 50th birthday, he decided to jump out of an airplane. After the necessary training, Jim was in the plane. As the plane neared the point where Jim would jump, he turned to his instructor and asked a question. “What if my parachute doesn’t open?…

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Dual Addictions

The Bible says, “The weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds” (2 Corinthians 10:4). Notice that word, “strongholds.” Plural. More than one. And you can insert “addictions” in its place. Addictions are strongholds, and many of us have more than one. For example, a study of…

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Futility

Let’s talk about one of the demons that can bring you down the hardest – futility. When you start believing the lie that recovery is futile, that your periods of relapse have rendered you hopeless, that is when you are in real trouble. Dr. Jay Stringer writes, “When futility goes unaddressed, it will eventually taunt…

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Past & Present

Do you ever feel stuck? Ever feel like you have an uncertain future? King David pondered that very question: “How can we sing the songs of the Lord while in a foreign land?” (Psalm 137:4). Repeat after me – “My past does not define me and it does not own me.” John R. Rice was…

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The White House

In 1792, Thomas Jefferson convinced George Washington that the government needed a presidential home. It was decided to solicit drawings from the public. In March of 1792, ads were printed, offering $500 to the person who submitted the winning design. Only nine designers applied. The winner was James Hoban, an Irish-born architect from South Carolina.…

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Why We Lie

Tim Allen said, “Men are liars. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.” The Bible says, “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord” (Proverbs 12:22). For most of us, especially men, honesty is a huge problem. Research has found that men tell six lies a day. (Women tell three.)…

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Listen Up!

If you are married, your recovery is a team sport. You and your spouse are in this thing together. And in order to reach your goals, you will need to learn to listen to one another in a way that takes hard work. Cathy Huyghe, writing for Inc., offers three listening tips. Tip #1 –…

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The Amazing Dirk Williams

Late in the winter of 1569, Dirk Williams found himself running from the Dutch authorities. Although no one today would see his beliefs about baptism as radical or threatening, leaders of his day regarded him as a heretic. Fleeing for his life, Williams came to a pond covered with a thin layer of ice. After…

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What Porn Does to the Marriage

The Internet has taken the porn industry to a whole new level, providing what is known as the “triple-A engine” effect: accessibility, affordability, and anonymity. And the results have been devastating. The Kinsey Institute has found that men’s use of porn has resulted in 86 percent of them finding reduced sexual quality with their partners.…

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The Power of 100 Free Throws

On January 21, 1989, Michigan played Wisconsin in a men’s basketball game. The game came down to two free throws by Michigan guard Rumeal Robinson. He clanked both shots, and the Wolverines lost by a single point. Determined that this would never happen again, Robinson stayed after every practice for the rest of the season,…

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Five Ways to Stay Sober

The Bible says to “hold fast to what you have attained” (Revelation 2:25). Let’s consider five ways to do that with your sobriety. 1. Celebrate milestones. If you’re in a 12-Step program, you understand this. It is important to celebrate the hard work of recovery and to use this as a motivation for further success.…

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Why We Need Each Other

In 2016, Drs. Shoba Sreenivasan and Linda E. Weinberger published an article in Psychology Today, titled “Why We Need Each Other.” The article concludes with this summary: “We need each other – for connectedness remains essential for psychological survival.” Community is not just a key to your happiness; it is integral to your very survival.…

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Sinatra

In 1934, a young Frank Sinatra sang the lyrics of I Get a Kick Out of You for the first time. A line from that song: “Mere alcohol doesn’t thrill me at all.” Substitute sex addiction for alcohol and you have the testament of every sex addict. Eventually, the alure loses its thrill. The addict…

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LumberKings Win!

It was one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. On May 7, 2014, the Clinton LumberKings played the Burlington Bees in a Single-A level minor league baseball game. The Bees had buzzed to a 17-1 lead by the fifth inning. But the LumberKings erased the 16-run deficit and won the game in extra innings.…

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One Stomach Flu Away

In the 2006 movie, The Devil Wears Prada, Emily Charlton (played by Emily Blunt) said, “I’m just one stomach flu away from my ideal weight.” I suppose that’s one way to lose weight. Unfortunately, that is also the way most of us do recovery. Like losing weight, recovery demands discipline, new habits, and absolute resolve.…

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5 Cents Store

On this date in 1879, Frank Winfield Woolworth opened the first 5 Cents Store in Utica, New York. Pledging to sell nothing that cost more than a nickel, Woolworth stores increased in number to over 1,000 over the next 50 years. But the chain’s inability to change with the times eventually led to its demise.…

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Don’t Focus on the Consequences

Dr. Lance Dodes, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, offers an interesting perspective on recovery. He writes, “Don’t focus on the consequences of addiction. It’s a waste of time.” Dodes continues, “Focusing on consequences of our behaviors does not help to stop addiction. It is a waste of valuable time that could be spent…

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Step Two

“We became aware that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” (Step 2, AA). Let’s break down the all-important second step of recovery. 1. Awareness: Until we become aware of our situation and the ability of God to heal, we do not get well. 2. Power: Recovery requires more than personal resolve.…

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Sinking Ships

Violet Jessop lived a charmed life. Jessop was a stewardess abord the RMS Olympic, one of the Titanic’s sister ships, when it collided with another ship in September, 1911. The Olympic was damaged, but made it back to port with no injuries. Les than six months later Jessop was aboard the Titanic, again as a…

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Cleveland Cavs & Porn

Google Analytics can track data on porn site use specific to cultural events. For example, the Cleveland Cavaliers played the Golden State Warriors in the 2017 NBA Finals. When the Warriors were on the verge of winning the final game, porn use in the San Francisco area (home to the Warriors) dropped by 21 percent.…

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St. Valentine

According to early tradition, Saint Valentine was imprisoned in Rome, where he restored sight to the blind daughter of his jailer. Another tradition adds on a legend that St. Valentine later wrote a love letter to this woman, and signed it, “Your Valentine,” before his execution. The date of February 14 was set by Pope…

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Mad As Hell

“I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!” (Network, 1976) Forgive my language, but to borrow from the movie, if you are married to a sex addict, it may be that until you are mad as hell and unwilling to take it anymore, your spouse will not get desperate. Don’t misunderstand.…

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Melville Weston

If today is your birthday, you are in good company. The following people were born on February 11: Thomas Edison (1847), Lloyd Bentsen (1921), Leslie Nielsen (1926), Tina Louise (1934), Burt Reynolds (1936), Jeb Bush (1953), Sheryl Crow (1962), Sarah Palin (1964), and Jennifer Aniston (1969). And Melville Weston. Don’t forget about Melville Weston. You…

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Five Steps to Staying Sober

Dr. Steven Stosny, noted author and addiction expert, offers five steps to staying sober. Let’s jump right in. Step 1 – Practice a regimen to change old habits. Create new patterns of living that alter the behaviors that lead to acting out. Step 2 – Recondition your emotional system. Focus on regulating your emotions in…

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Flawless

For the last five years, this has been my favorite song. In 2014, MercyMe produced Flawless. I try to listen to the song every day. It brings hope to any of us who have flaws. “No matter the bumps, no matter the bruises, no matter the scars, still the truth is – the cross has…

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Looking Back

I’m nostalgic. When possible, I still enjoy driving by my childhood home, my first church, and the high school where I spent the best six years of my life. Do you often think about “the good ‘ol days”? If so, you’re in good company. King David often looked back. He said, “I thought about my…

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The Longest 6-Iron

On January 31, 1971, Alan Shepherd brought a golf club to work, along with a couple of balls. But Shepherd’s “work” was a little unusual. He was the commander of Apollo 14. Six days later, his work would have him on the surface of the moon. It was then, 50 years ago today, when Shepherd…

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Child Abuse

According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in four girls and one is six boys are sexually abused by the age of 18. Psychologist and trauma specialist Susanne Babbel writes, “Thirty-five percent of child sexual abusers were once abused themselves.” With that, the cycle of abuse continues. God puts a premium on children.…

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Get Your Own Dirt!

A scientist told God, “We no longer need you. We have advanced to the point that we can create anything we need with our own ingenuity.” God said, “You want to put that to a test?” The scientist said, “Sure. What do you have in mind?” God said, “Let’s each make a man, just like…

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A Few Good Steps

In his groundbreaking book, Unwanted, Dr. Jay Stringer writes, “The more an individual acts out, the more likely he is to deprive himself of meaningful relationships and self-care because he will not feel as if he deserves that.” But this cycle must stop. God is clear: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers…

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Walk Well

Your current sexual behavior is the predictable result of your childhood experiences. Most likely, your early childhood was littered with isolation. Or trauma. Or abuse. Or all three. And that explains how you got here. However, that does not excuse why you’re staying here. Let me be clear. You owe no one an apology for…

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Is Porn Use an Affair?

We live in a porn-crazed time. Covenant Eyes reports that $3,075.64 is spent on porn every second and that young adults think that not recycling is worse than viewing porn. Further, more than 50,000 church leaders in the United States are using porn on a regular basis. The Bible is abundantly clear. “Marriage should be…

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Misery

In the Heidelberg Catechism, a Protestant confessional document, there is a question about how human beings know their misery. It’s an odd question, until you understand that the German word for misery is elend, meaning to be out of one’s native land, with a deep sense of homesickness. Translation: when removed from familiar surroundings, a…

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The Ohio River

The Allegheny and Monongahela Rivers join together in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, to form the Ohio River. If you want to understand the Ohio River, you must first take a look at the Allegheny and the Monongahela. Jesus said, “It is what comes out of a person that defiles him” (Mark 7:15). Medical News Today identified the…

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The Challenge with Middle Age

In 2017, the Boston Globe released an article titled “The Biggest Threat Facing Middle Aged Men Isn’t Smoking or Obesity, It’s Loneliness.” Actress Anne Hathaway said, “Loneliness is my least favorite thing about life.” The Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA) studied loneliness in America. Among their findings: Loneliness is more damaging to our health…

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Screwtape Letters

C.S. Lewis wrote, in his preface to The Screwtape Letters, “There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe in them too strongly.” “We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, rules of…

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Serenity Prayer

Someone recently gave me a copy of the Serenity Prayer for those of us who are getting a little older. “God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to know the difference.” The more popular version of the…

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Getting Started

When I first got into recovery, I felt like a mosquito at a nudist colony. I didn’t know where to begin. Recovery, like a thirsty mosquito at a nudist colony, is all about getting started. Mark Twain said, “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” And Drew Houston, the 37-year-old founder of Dropbox (worth…

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Out of Gas

Dad warned me about this, but it happened anyway. As a new driver, I forgot to check the fuel level in my car. So I ran out of gas. This was in the pre-cell phone era, so a long walk to a gas station was in order. Many times, recovery is like that. We don’t…

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Saint Ambrose

Saint Ambrose wrote, “Many a sin has sullied me in body and in soul because I did not restrain my thoughts nor guard my lips; nevertheless, it is to Thee, O God of majesty and love, that I turn in my extremity, for Thou are the fount of mercy; to Thee, as quickly as I…

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F-16 Fighter Jet

A U.S. Air Force Thunderbirds air demonstration is an amazing thing to see. The F-16 fighter jet was developed to act as a support weapons system for the military’s larger and more expensive fighter aircraft, the F-14 Tomcat and the F-15 Eagle. Blindingly fast and agile, the F-16 Fighting Falcon has a top speed of…

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Tuned Pianos

A.W. Tozer wrote with his typical brilliance, in The Pursuit of God. “Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must…

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Flat Tire

I hopped in my car at 4:15 a.m. to go pick up a friend to take him to the airport for an early flight. But before I left my driveway, this message flashed from the screen above the steering column: Low air pressure in back right tire. Only one tire was going flat. The other…

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It Could Have Been Me

Richard Elliot was born on January 16, 1960. So was I. Richard Elliot was given a tenor saxophone as a young teenager. So was I. Richard Elliot played tenor sax for years. So did I. Richard Elliot was nominated for a Grammy Award for his excellent play of the tenor sax. I wasn’t. Richard Elliot…

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Lost Wallet

A man was on his hands and knees under a street light late at night when another man passed by and asked what he was doing. The following discussion ensued. “I’m looking for my wallet,” the man said. “Are you sure you lost it here?” asked the passerby. “No, I lost it at the other…

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2 Questions

There is a story in Genesis 16 about an Egyptian teenager named Hagar. She is brought in as a concubine for Abraham because he and Sarai had been struggling with infertility for more than ten years. Hagar successfully conceived a child for Abraham and Sarai. But Sarai mistreated Hagar. In the next scene, we find…

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The Brothel

In his book, The World, The Flesh, and Father Smith, Bruce Marshall wrote, “The young man who rings the bell at the brothel is unconsciously looking for God.” Billy Graham said it like this: “There is a God-shaped emptiness in all our hearts that only God can fill.” The answer for the sex addict is…

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Fire Hydrants

A Sunday School helper was delivering a station wagon full of kids to their homes when a fire truck zoomed past them. Sitting in the front of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children immediately began to debate the role of that dog. “They use him to keep crowds back,” suggested one child. Another…

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Is Addiction a Sin?

There is this ongoing debate among those who fancy themselves as both addiction specialists and theologians. The debate centers on one question – is addiction a sin? Let me answer that for you with two truths. Addiction is not a sin. Acting out is. Joyce Myer said, “No matter what has happened to you in…

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Someone Is Watching You

A woman had been shopping and had bought a dress that she knew she couldn’t afford. “Why did you do it?” asked her husband. “I just couldn’t help it,” she replied. “The devil tempted me.” Her husband countered, “Why didn’t you say, ‘Get thee behind me, Satan’?” The wife answered, “I did. But he just…

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Avoid the Aisle

“Jack” was a very heavy man, and in need of back surgery. Before the doctor could do the surgery, Jack had to lose close to 100 pounds. His diet meant staying away from the grocery store. But one day, he went. And then it happened. He wandered down the ice cream aisle, and eventually bought…

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Perez

Ever heard of a guy in the Bible named Perez? Perez was an obscure character in the Old Testament. Here’s his story. A woman named Tamar seduced a fellow named Judah, who was the great-grandson of Abraham. Tamar became pregnant, and had twins nine months later, born outside of marriage. One of those twins was…

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Consistency

On this date in 1996, Crazy After You closed at Shubert Theater after 1,622 consecutive performances. From 1992 to 2010, Brett Favre started 199 consecutive games as a quarterback in the NFL. From 1982 to 1998, Cal Ripken played in 2,632 straight baseball games for the Baltimore Orioles. My favorite record of consistency was set…

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Facelift

Linda was 65 when she suffered a serious heart attack and was rushed to the local hospital. Before surgery, she prayed that she would survive the surgery. God said, “Not only will you survive the surgery, I will give you 40 more years of good health.” Sure enough, Linda came through the surgery well. Trusting…

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Can God Use a Sinner?

Do you think God can’t use a sinner? In the lineage of Jesus (Matthew 1), we find only four women named. Two were prostitutes, one was an adulteress, and the other was from a foreign land. Still think God can’t use a sinner? Only one man in Scripture was described as being a man “after…

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Plane Dumb

Jim decided to finally face his fear of heights. On his 50th birthday, he decided to jump out of an airplane. After the necessary training, Jim was in the plane. As the plane neared the point where Jim would jump, he turned to his instructor and asked a question. “What if my parachute doesn’t open?…

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Anyone Can Do It

George Carlin said it well: “In the United States, anybody can be president. That’s the problem.” Carlin’s point is well taken. In America – and many other countries – a person becomes the sum total of his decisions. If he strings together enough wise decisions, he will enjoy the intended outcome. But what about addiction?…

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Necessary Mistakes

Consider these words as you launch a new year. “I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you’re making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing…

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New Things

Actress Tallulah Bankhead said, “If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.” As we turn the page to a new year, it is important to learn from the mistakes of our past, and then to move forward. An article in Country Living last month offered 15 suggestions on…

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Strawberries

A farmer was driving down a road with a load of fertilizer in the back of his truck. A young boy saw him and yelled out, “What do you have in the back of your truck?” “Fertilizer,” said the farmer. “What are you going to do with it?” asked the boy. “I’m putting it on…

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Comebacks

The date was December 27, 2000. For those of you who aren’t so gifted in mathematics, that makes that 20 years ago today. Here’s what happened. Hockey legend Mario Lemieux scored a goal and had two assists, leading the Pittsburgh Penguins to a 5-0 victory over the Toronto Maple Leafs. Not a big deal, except…

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Beware of Relapse

Did you have a great Christmas yesterday? If so, beware of relapse today. Did you have a lousy Christmas yesterday? If so, beware of relapse today. There are two times when you are in heightened danger of relapse – when things are going well and when things are going poorly. We see it all the…

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A Very Special Christmas

December 25, 1914 was a very special Christmas. For one day, World War I hostilities ceased. At dawn that day, soldiers emerged from their trenches and crossed “no man’s land” to exchange gifts and goodwill with their enemies. German and British troops joined together to sing carols, break bread, and pose for photos. Several soldiers…

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Wise Decisions

Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money. That’s also how we live in addiction. The pleasure of the moment is robbing us of the blessings of tomorrow. The mistakes I make today will affect my life tomorrow, in so many ways: My marriage My checkbook My shame My…

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Flashlight Day

In late December, we celebrate the biggest holiday of the year. Today’s the day – National Flashlight Day. Because December 21 is the day of winter solstice, making this the day with the least sunshine, this date has been forever immortalized. It is for today that David Misell was born. On January 10, 1899, the…

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There’s Still Hope

The message of this Christmas Season is one of hope. James Cameron was the only survivor of a 1930 lynch mob, and he would go on to found America’s Black Holocaust Museum. How did he survive the mob – physically and emotionally? In his autobiography, A Time of Terror, he wrote, “With faith and prayer…

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Death Notice

The Bible tells us to deal rather harshly with our sexual sins. “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5). We are to “put to death” all sexual immorality. What does that look like? How do we do that, exactly? I…

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Get Started

A full 100% of those who never started recovery never recovered. Amazing stat, huh? But the reality is that so many men and women fail simply because they don’t start. I love the words of Anne Frank: “How wonderful it is that nobody should wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” Here’s…

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Fear

Let’s talk about fear. The funny thing about fear is that, to quote Mark Twain, “I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” Someone defined fear as “False Evidence Appearing Real.” There is enough trouble in the world without imagining more. The prophet said, “Say to those with fearful hearts,…

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Potato Chips

Best Life publication has produced “20 Crazy Facts that Will Blow Your Mind.” On their list: Humans are the only animals that enjoy spicy foods. Humans are also the only animals whose brains shrink. It is impossible to hum while holding your nose. Aldous Huxley and C.S. Lewis died the same day as JFK. Potato…

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Ruth

There was a woman in the Bible named Naomi. With her husband, she had two sons, and was blessed to see them both marry. But a famine in the land brought great loss, as Naomi’s husband and both of her sons died young. Out of pure loyalty to her mother-in-law, Ruth vowed to stay with…

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35 Years

Satirist Tom Lehrer commented, “It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.” Born in the Holy Roman Empire in 1756, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart lived just 35 years. But in those 35 years, he composed more than 600 works and is still considered perhaps the most…

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Whispers

When your child wants to tell you a secret, she may climb into your lap, cup her hands around your ear, and then whisper in such a way that you are the only person on earth who hears what she has to say. God is waiting for you to crawl into his lap. You may…

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TV Dinners and Pot Pies

Batman has been listed as the 82nd greatest show in television history (by Zoller Seitz). From January 12, 1966 to March 14, 1968, my brother and I watched all 120 riveting episodes. Every Wednesday night, an episode would play, always ending with the caped crusaders in perilous danger. So we had to tune into the…

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One Man’s Dying Request

The Apostle Paul worked with the giants of the faith – men like Peter, Barnabas, Silas, and Timothy. And then there was another fellow, a young man who checked out when trouble checked in. John Mark abandoned Paul early in his first missionary journey. Fast forward several years. Paul is now an aging missionary, and…

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I Write the Songs

On this date in 1975, Barry Manilow reached #1 on the Billboard adult contemporary charts with his greatest hit ever, I Write the Songs. There was just one problem. Manilow didn’t write the song. The 32-year-old singer-songwriter was proud of his songwriting skills, but he had not written anything that was really that successful. Producer…

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The First Heart Transplant

Dr. Adrian Kantrowitz made history when his team performed the first heart transplant in America, at Maimonides Medical Center in Brooklyn, on December 6, 1967. Neary 41 years later, on November 14, 2008, Dr. Kantrowitz died – of heart failure. Putting the irony of his cause of death aside, Dr. Kantrowitz taught us an important…

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Pythagoras

There is a famous line from the movie Network. “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore.” Let’s talk about that – anger. The Bible warns us, “Let not the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). There are actually two distinct kinds of anger identified in the Greek New…

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Elvis

The most successful musician in American history said, “I don’t know anything about music, In my line, you don’t have to.” Elvis had a good point. It is not knowledge that matters as much as what we do with that knowledge. My favorite author said is like this: “We don’t fall because we don’t know…

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Through Many Dangers

“Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come. Tis grace has brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home.” Those immortal words by John Newton have brought comfort to millions, if not billions of saints for the last 250 years. And we need those words – to read, quote, and…

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Instant Gratification

“Give careful thought to your ways. You eat, but you never have enough. You drink, but you never have your fill” (Haggai 1:5-6). Addiction seeks the next thrill, the next hit, the next high. But it is never enough. To that way of thinking, George Orwell said, “Men can only be happy when they do…

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Tag Team

It was one of the most significant events in sports history. The date was March 31, 1985. In Wrestlemania I, The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff defeated Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo for the WWE World Tag Team Championship. A lot of us treat the Christian life as a tag team event. When we get…

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Free Bagels

Trevor started a new job. On his first day, he noticed a box of bagels in the break room, with a sign that read, “Please drop in a quarter for every bagel.” After a few days, Trevor noticed that no one seemed to be monitoring the payment system. So he’d occasionally take a bagel without…

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Sax and Sex

Change comes slowly. Just ask my Dad. The three years that began with Dad handing me my first tenor saxophone when I was in 7th grade until I made first chair in the high school band in 10th grade were tortuous for the entire family. The early days of practicing my sax every day after…

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The Enemy

All recovery is spiritual. The Bible is clear: “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil” (Ephesians 6:12). In an excellent sermon on spiritual warfare, Pastor Sam Rainer said there are two false views of…

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Born This Day

If you were born on November 25, you share today’s birthday with some pretty impressive people: Andrew Carnegie, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Joe DiMaggio, Amy Grant, Christina Applegate, and Anastas Mikoyan. Yes, Anastas Mikoyan. Mikoyan was an Armenian revolutionary who made his mark as a loyal servant to Joseph Stalin. He would play a leading…

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Strong Medicine

Life can be heavy. This is especially true in addiction recovery. The road to freedom is often marked with challenges and set-backs. That leads me to a very important ingredient of successful recovery. Humor. Educator Frank Moore Colby noted, “Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. But how many of…

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Snow White

I have never met a man or woman who said their life turned out exactly as they had hoped and planned. For each of us there have been trials, challenges, and failures. But because we have a God who is up to the challenge, we overcome. Our story actually becomes more historic because of our…

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Only In Florida

In 2014, Beth and I moved to Florida. We are still learning some things about this amazing state. For example: No matter where you are in Florida, you are within 60 miles of a beach. It is illegal to sing while wearing swimwear in public. It is illegal for an unmarried woman to skydive on…

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Lost Wallet

A man was on his hands and knees under a street light late at night when another man passed by and asked what he was doing. The following discussion ensued. “I’m looking for my wallet,” the man said. “Are you sure you lost it here?” asked the passerby. “No, I lost it at the other…

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The Cost of a Good Brain

A surgeon entered the waiting room of the hospital with shocking news for his patient’s family. “Your loved one needs a brain transplant immediately,” he said. The family asked, “How much does that cost?” The doctor replied, “It all depends. A female brain goes for $20,000. A male brain costs $50,000.” The family asked, “Why…

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Time Up

I don’t know anyone who says they have more time than they need. We all feel rushed to accomplish all we want to in a day, week, month, year, and life. Leonard Bernstein said, “To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.” If we are to achieve all…

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Overcoming the Pain

Nothing is so devastating as discovering that your spouse is addicted to porn. But there is hope. Sharon Salzberg said, “Even in the midst of devastation, something within us always points the way to freedom.” That is true for the addict and his/her spouse. God promised, “I am the Lord your God who takes hold…

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Reginald

Reginald dropped out of high school to pursue his musical aspirations. It seems this was a good decision. In 2013, Billboard ranked him as the most successful male artist of all-time. He is a member of the Songwriters Hall of Fame and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He is the winner of multiple…

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Life Is Unfair

In a comic strip written by Bill Watterson, Dad said, “The world isn’t fair, Calvin.” Calvin responded, “I know, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favor?” If you are an addict – or are married to one – you can identify with that sentiment. Life isn’t unfair in your favor. Author Sherrie Bourg…

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The Quarrymen

Sixty-one years ago today, on November 15, 1959, a singing group known as The Quarrymen lost in the preliminary round of Carroll Levis’s TV Star Search competition. This was the third time they entered the competition and lost. They lost to a woman who played a tune on her spoons. The Quarrymen found little success,…

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Keeping It Simple

Don’t overthink things. Confucius said, “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” Recovery is like that. We never fall because we don’t know what to do, but because we don’t do what we know. Here’s my advice – seek God more than you seek recovery. In my experience, when I seek…

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Anyone Can Do It

George Carlin said it well: “In the United States, anybody can be president. That’s the problem.” Carlin’s point is well taken. In America – and many other countries – a person becomes the sum total of his decisions. If he strings together enough wise decisions, he will enjoy the intended outcome. But what about addiction?…

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Avoid the Slide

Visit any recovery meeting and you will hear addicts describe how they “fell into addiction.” May I respectfully disagree? It is my observation, after knowing and working with hundreds of addicts, that no one ever falls into addiction. We slide into addiction. To fall implies an unintended slip or stumble. But the way we got…

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She Played Hockey

A grocery store manager wanted to get to know his new employee, so he asked him a few basic questions. He led with, “Where are you from?” The young employee said, “Sir, I’m from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, the home of ugly women and great hockey teams.” The manager responded, “That’s interesting. My wife is from Lancaster.”…

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Blockbuster

It was a weekly routine early in our marriage. We would run to the Blockbuster video store to rent a movie, which we could then watch as many times as we wanted for the next three days. Then on this date in 2013, the unthinkable happened. Blockbuster closed its doors for the final time, marking…

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The Demise of a Holywood Star

Philip Seymour Hoffman won the Academy Award for his leading role in Capote (2005). Hoffman was nominated for three other Academy Awards, along with three Tony Award nominations. Unfortunately, Hoffman held another title. Addict. In 2006, Hoffman told his story on 60 Minutes. He was a drug and alcohol addict. At age 22, he got…

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Breaking the Curse

On this date in 1811, William Henry Harrison’s army prevailed over the Shawnee leader Tecumseh in the Battle of Tippecanoe. The Shawnee leader proceeded to place a curse on Harrison and every president who would be elected at 20-year intervals. Harrison (elected in 1840) caught a cold and died one month into office. Abraham Lincoln…

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The Solution

Why do we act out sexually? Dr. Timothy Fong addresses this in his article, “Understanding and Managing Sexual Behaviors.” He writes, “Psychologically, sexual behaviors serve to escape emotional or physical pain or are a way of dealing with life stressors. The irony is that the sexual behaviors become the primary way of coping and handling…

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Growing Old with You

A man told his wife that he had invited a friend home for dinner. His wife was enraged. “Are you crazy?” she asked him. “The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, the dishes are dirty, and I look like a wreck!” “I know all that,” the husband responded. “Then why did you invite…

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Walk in His Shoes

Billy Connolly said, “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” Jesus was pointed: “Do not judge others” (Matthew 7:1). Through the years, I have observed that we tend to judge others by their worst actions, while we judge…

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The Price of Success

Vince Lombardi said, “The price of success is hard work.” Peter Drucker said it like this: “Plans are only good intentions unless they degenerate into hard work.” The Bible is pro-work. King David wrote, “You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with…

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How to Spot a Sex Addict

Coach Mike Ditka used to say, “You are what your record says you are.” By that he meant that our actions define us. Johann Wolfgang Goethe said it like this: “Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image.” Jesus said we are known by our fruit (Matthew 7:16). Action trumps intent; it is…

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Addiction on the Brain

Physicist Michio Kaku said of his own profession, “Physicists are made of atoms. A physicist is an attempt by an atom to understand itself.” For centuries, men have been trying to understand themselves. And often, they turn to science for those answers. And when they look hard enough, they usually find the Creator waiting at…

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Five Ways to Love Your Wife

Travis went to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he said, “we’re doing some heavy cleaning at our house tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help in the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.” “We’re shorthanded here, Travis,” replied his boss. “I can’t give you the day off.” “Thanks, boss,”…

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Pinky Pull-ups

On October 7, 2018, Tazio Gavioli set a new world record by completing 36 consecutive pull-ups. With his pinkies. I’m not sure I’ve done 36 pull-ups in my whole life, using all ten fingers. And while I admire this incredible feat by the Italian pull-up king, it sends two dangerous messages. Dangerous message #1 –…

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Structure

In my never-ending pursuit of good recovery material, I browse through several blogs and articles each week. I recently came across an article which identified 12 tips for staying sober. I love #6 on their list – develop a structured schedule. It’s so true. Having a chaotic or disorganized lifestyle can hinder your recovery. It’s…

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Where Were Doritos Invented?

Here are a few things you probably didn’t know. Doritos were invented at Disneyland. The U.S. is visited by more missionaries than any other country. The word “hundred” used to mean 120. Buzz Aldrin’s father was friends with Orville Wright. At a food safety conference in Baltimore in 2014, 100 attendees got food poisoning. The…

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Cutting the Cord

October 24 is a significant date in history. It was on this date in 1857 that the first soccer club was formed, in Yorkshire, England. On October 24, 1931, gangster Al Capone was sentenced to 11 years in prison for tax evasion. This date marks the deaths of three civil rights icons. All dying on…

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Do 5 Things Well

Sometimes, the key to recovery is simply staying at it. No one gets it right the first time. I often tell clients that all who fail in recovery have one thing in common – they quit too soon. Samuel Johnson wrote, “Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.” The Bible addresses this…

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High Expectations

Recovery is about progress, not perfection. Beware of overly high expectations. They can look good, but turn deadly. George Elliot wrote, “Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand.” The Bible says, “I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and…

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Kintsugi

Kintsugi is the centuries-old Japanese art of fixing broken pottery. Rather than rejoin ceramic pieces with an adhesive, the Kintsugi technique employs a special tree sap dusted with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. Once completed, beautiful seams of gold glint in the cracks of ceramic give a one-of-a-kind appearance that actually enhances the beauty –…

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Lesson From Chess

Some play football. Others play basketball, baseball, or hockey. But real men play my sport. Chess. I was pretty good in my day (Houston high school champion, 1977). So bear with me while I quote an international chess champion. Savielly Tartakower was the Polish chess champion and a gold medal winner of the 1931 Chess…

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You Gotta Have This

The psalmist said, “Passion for God’s house will consume me” (Psalm 69:9). I love that word passion. You can’t achieve anything meaningful without passion. Vincent Van Gosh said, “I would rather die of passion than of boredom.” I agree. What is passion, exactly? I recently came across this definition: the degree of difficulty one will…

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God and Air Conditioning

Poet Amiri Baraka said of modern culture, “God has been replaced with air conditioning.” We seek comfort above all else. Many of us have been duped into thinking God’s primary interest in our lives is our comfort rather than our character. We think he never wants us to suffer or feel pain. That doesn’t square…

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The Final Question

2 Chronicles was the last book in the Hebrew Bible. The final verse of the final chapter offers an interesting insight to God’s purpose for our lives. King Cyrus issued a decree that allowed the Jews to return to Jerusalem to rebuild the temple. Why did he do this? His explanation was simple. “The Lord…

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iBrik

First, there was the iPhone. Then there came the iPad, iPod, and iCloud. Now there is the ibrik. I’m sure our most tech-savvy readers will know what that is. For the rest of you, let me help. An ibrik is a metal pot with a wooden handle, used to brew Turkish coffee. The ibrik was…

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Great Expectations

Expectations are an illusion. In the Old Testament, the people of Israel wanted a new king. Samuel was directed to a man named Jesse, who had several sons. One of them would be the man. But which one? Samuel began the search with a set of expectations. The chosen one would have a certain height,…

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Emotional Abuse

It has long been my observation that virtually all addicts have in their past a combination of the following: (a) abuse, (b) trauma, and (c) isolation. Let’s talk about that first one – abuse. Specifically, emotional abuse. Jill Bley, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, estimates that 85-90 percent of sex addicts have suffered from…

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Shut Doors and Open Windows

Television host Fred Rogers said, “Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” There’s a great little book called The Story of Everything. Author Neal Layton writes, on page 122, “You know, it’s possible that God’s plan for us is littleness. His plan for us may…

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Years Restored

Every sex addict tells the same story. He or she has lost years, if not decades, to this disease. If you add up the hours on the Internet, trolling social media, visiting dating sites, and in therapy, the lost time is staggering. A year into my recovery, my past was discovered, and it cost me…

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Restoration

A rusty gate, a broken-down car, an old house. To most of us, they look past their prime, beyond hope, and pretty much worthless. But to the person in the restoration business, these are not problems; they are opportunities. The same is true of each of us. The depth of your fall does not limit…

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Premeditated Resentments

A friend recently sent me this quote: “Expectations are premeditated resentments.” That is powerful. Said another way, we can’t tie our self-perception to the perception of others. Here’s the thing – not everyone will understand your journey, and that’s fine, because it isn’t their journey to understand. I stopped explaining myself when I realized people…

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Cognitive Bliss

Every person who has ever lived (except Jesus) has suffered from the same flaw – cognitive bias. Cognitive bias is defined as “the systematic pattern of deviation from norm or rationality in judgment, whereby inferences about other people and situations may be drawn in an illogical fashion.” Because we all have cognitive bias, James said,…

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Signs You Are a Sex Addict

How can you recognize an addiction? More directly, how can you recognize your addiction? Jesus offered a really simple standard: “You shall know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:6). So let me suggest three fruits of sex addiction. If these characterize your life, well, there’s your answer. Sex dominates your thought life. Your sexual activities…

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Three Learning Steps

One of the keys to lasting recovery is to never quit learning. Aristotle said, “The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.” And Henry Ford said, “Anyone who stops learning is old, whether he is 20 or 80.” A really smart guy named Solomon spoke from experience when he said, “Let the…

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The Fence Has Fallen

A wealthy man called three repairmen to his house to bid on rebuilding a fallen fence. The first man measured the fence, calculated the hours it would take to do the job, then told the homeowner his price – $800. The second repairman measured the fence, did the calculations, and offered his bid – $700.…

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Faith

Mark Twain said, “October is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.” The Bible says, “We have something more sure, the prophetic word, to which you will do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining…

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He Ate an Airplane!

Over the course of his 57 years (1950-2007), a Frenchman named Michel Lotito bit off more than he could chew – many times. In the process, he managed to consume “food items” that most of us would probably pass on. Lotito ate television sets, bicycles, shopping carts, and – get this – an airplane. How…

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When Your Car Is In The Pool

Wife: “There’s a problem with the car. It has water in the carburetor.” Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s crazy!” Wife: “I’m telling you, the car has water in the carburetor.” Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. “I’ll check it out. Where is the car?” Wife: “In the pool.” Sometimes, life takes…

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Depression

Many addicts suffer with depression. They aren’t alone. Major depressive disorder affects 17.3 million American adults (National Institute of Mental Health, 2017). If you struggle with depression, repeat this at least 20 times every day: “Depression lies. It tells you you’ve always felt this way, and you always will. But you haven’t, and you won’t”…

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Not Enough Blood

I recently came across this line: “Men were given a brain and reproductive machinery, but only enough blood to run one at a time.” Maintaining sexual integrity is a battle that men have struggled with as long as there have been men. The man who was said to pursue God’s own heart reflected, “How can…

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Purpose

In his classic book, The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien wrote, “Not all who wander are lost.” Let’s talk about purpose. Sometimes, we must wander until we find it. And finding that purpose is critical for addiction recovery. In his best-selling book Unwanted, Jay Stringer concludes, “In the research I completed for my book,…

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Try This Fast

Israel’s first king died a tragic death. When David heard about it, he responded in a way many of us would not understand. “Then David and all the men with him took hold of their clothes and tore them. They mourned and wept and fasted until evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for…

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Pleasure

Acting out is to delve into one’s pleasures at all costs. With no regard for the consequences, we return to the thrill – over and over. Recovery, on the other hand, is about self-denial. And self-denial is counterintuitive 100 percent of the time. For many, there is no greater pleasure than sex. Perhaps you can…

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The Mysteries of Life

Al McGuire once mused, “The only mystery of life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” There are other great mysteries of life. For example, why do cows always face north or south while eating? Why does lemonade have artificial flavoring, but furniture polish contains real lemon juice? Why do we believe someone when they…

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Some Scary Facts

In case there was any doubt about the problem of addiction in America, here are a few numbers. 1. Cost to the economy – $600 billion/year. 2. Addiction is the leading cause of youth suicide. 3. Alcohol contributes to over 200 diseases and health conditions. 4. In the last ten years, 48,000 women died from…

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A Sad Death

The following obituary told the story of a dear church member’s unexpected death. “Our church was saddened to learn this week of the death of one of our most valued members – Someone Else. Someone’s passing creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill. Else always did more than his share of the work.…

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Forgive

Pick one – sobriety or bitterness. You can have one, but you can’t have both. You have been wounded deeply by someone who matters a great deal to you. I know that because you are a member of the fallen race. Now you have a decision to make. To forgive or not forgive – that…

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The Sabbath

The Jews took the Sabbath Day seriously. This command was central to their being: “Remember the Sabbath, to keep it holy” (Exodus 20:8). Henry Ward Beecher said, “A world without a Sabbath would be like a summer without flowers. It is the most joyous day of the week.” The Jews took the principles of the…

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Abe Lincoln’s Son

The date was April 14, 1865. It was 10:15 p.m. President Lincoln was enjoying a play with his wife Mary. Then with one bullet fired from the derringer of John Wilkes Booth, everything changed. The President was declared dead nine hours later. Among his survivors was Mary. She lived the rest of her life in…

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The Parrot

Three sons left home and prospered. Each was proud of the gift he was able to give their mother. The first bought her a big house. The second son bought her a new Mercedes. And the third bought their mother a parrot that was able to recite Scripture and keep her company. A few weeks…

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No More Excuses

There’s a reason Step 1 comes first. Until we quit making excuses for our addiction, we will never get well. Dr. Elizabeth Hartney offers seven common justifications for one’s addiction. Denial: “It’s not a problem.” Minimization: “I have already cut down.” Comparisons: “Uncle Ted is worse than I am.” Defiance: “I’d rather live a short…

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Sleep On It

If you are seeking real, lasting sobriety, try this – take a nap. Seriously, one of your problems may be that you aren’t getting enough sleep. Jenna Fletcher offers several health benefits from simply getting enough sleep: Better productivity and concentration Lower weight gain risk Better calorie regulation Greater athletic performance Lower risk of heart…

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Hope

Hope is an indispensable ingredient of recovery. Thomas Carlyle said, “He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope has everything.” Dr. Dale Archer writes, “The power of hope defines the psychological victim and psychological survivor. As long as a patient, individual, or victim has hope, they can recover from anything and everything.…

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Two Old Golfers

Two old golfers had a problem: one could still hit the ball, but could not see; the other could still see, but could not hit the ball. They came up with the perfect solution. The one who could hit would tee off, while the other golfer would tell him where the ball had gone. After…

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The Moral of Humpty Dumpty

Comedian Ricky Gervais said, “I’ve never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of this – don’t sit on a wall if you’re an egg.” Application: If you struggle with sexually compulsive temptations, get off the fence (or wall). Put up some boundaries. This means living within predetermined guardrails.…

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Losing Your Mind

From the comic strip, Blackadder, we read the following dialogue. Edmund Blackadder: “Baldrick, your brain is like the four-headed, man-eating haddock/fish/beast of Aberdeen.” Baldrick: “In what way?” Edmund Blackadder: “It doesn’t exist.” Porn has the same effect on the brain. In an extensive article, “Neuroscience of Internet Pornography Addiction” (2015), four authors state the conclusion…

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Chicken Little

Mrs. Johnson went to the butcher shop to buy a chicken. The butcher had just one scrawny chicken left. He put it on the scale. “Three pounds,” he said. “That’s too small,” said Mrs. Johnson. “Don’t you have something bigger?” The butcher didn’t want to lose the sale, so he pretended to rummage about, as…

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Mr. Potato Head

It was the first toy advertised on television. On April 30, 1952, Hasbro, Inc. bought ad space to promote Mr. Potato Head. It apparently worked, as the sales of the three-year-old product went through the roof. At a cost of $0.98, the original Mr. Potato Head did not come with a potato “body,” so parents…

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The Pooh Speaks

The great theologian, Winnie the Pooh, opined, “I always get to where I’m going by walking away from where I have been.” While there is no empirical evidence that Winnie was a recovering sex addict, this one quote is quite revealing. But let’s talk about you. What are you walking away from? The problem is…

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The Need for Speed

Addicts are adrenaline junkies. We can all relate to my double – Tom Cruise. He famously said, “I feel the need – the need for speed!” (Top Gun, 1986). Carey Mulligan said, “Sex addiction is a subject that should be discussed.” So let’s discuss it. We all like to pretend our addiction is only the…

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Become Who You Are

For each of us there comes a time when we need to decide who we’re going to be. The choices are clear: addiction or recovery, insanity or peace, death or life. Paulo Coelho said, “Stop being who you were and become who you are.” The Bible promises, “If any man be in Christ, he is…

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Sad Songs

Paul felt sorry for his friend’s son Julian. Paul’s friend, John, had left his wife for another woman, which Julian took really hard. To offer comfort, Paul wrote the boy a song. To conceal Julian’s identity, Paul changed his name to “Jude” for the song, which he released on this date – August 26, 1968.…

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Ralph Lifshitz

Ralph Lifshitz was a shy boy, who was constantly ridiculed because of his last name. By the age of 16, he was relegated to the back of every classroom, picked last on every sports team, and without a hint of a first date. Tired of the ridicule, by the age of 30, Ralph did something…

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Hiccups

Charles Osborne spent 68 consecutive years hiccupping. He finally found a cure, then died within a year. Don’t feel too sorry for Charles. A lot of us die before we find a cure, rather than after. I suggest you start chasing after your dreams now; there is no good reason to wait. But first, you…

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Great Advice

Letter to advice columnist: “The other day, as I drove off to work, my car made a horrible noise, and then the engine began to smoke. The car died about three miles from my house. I had forgotten my cell phone, so I walked home, which took me three hours. When I got home, I…

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The Best of Times

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” Though Charles Dickens wrote those words in the 19th century, they could have been written this week. 2020 has been a year for the record books. In many ways, these are the best of times; in others, they are the worst of times.…

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The Enemy

“Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer” (The Godfather: Part II). It’s usually pretty easy to spot a friend. That is the person who loves you more because of your addiction, not despite your addiction. What’s not so easy to spot is an enemy. Let me help. An enemy is someone who . .…

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Which Is Not Right?

Which of these is not correct? Babies have 100 more bones than adults. The Eiffel Tower can be 15 cm taller during the summer. 20% of Earth’s oxygen comes from the Amazon rainforest. In 2.3 billion years it will be too hot to live on Earth. It takes 8 minutes, 19 seconds for light to…

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Running Your Day

Ours is a society of lists. We make a list each day, of all the things we want to accomplish that day. And that’s a good thing. But then our lists can become our god. And that’s a bad thing. Jim Rohn said, “Either you run the day, or the day runs you.” “The fruit…

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Listen to Your Feelings?

Can a sex addict trust his feelings? Maybe not. Writer Mignon McLaughlin said, “Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have isn’t permanent.” Jeremiah 17:9 goes even further: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” And Solomon wrote, “Whoever trusts in his own mind is…

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Raising Heroes

After tucking three-year-old Jimmy into bed, his parents heard sobbing coming from his bedroom. Rushing back in, they found their son crying hysterically. After they calmed him down a bit, Jimmy managed to tell them what had heppened. He said he had swallowed a penny and was afraid he would die. His parents were unable…

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Roger Rabbit

I love this line from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way.” Every addict can relate. No one asks for sex addiction. Addicts were “drawn that way” through abuse, trauma, and isolation. So far today, I have heard men tell me of the following abuse: (a) physical abuse by a…

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Healed at 40

Most of us are familiar with the story of Acts, chapter 2. On the Day of Pentecost, the Holy Spirit came upon the Church. This would change everything. But it is what happened next that I want to talk about. In Acts 3, we read about a 40-year-old man who had been crippled from birth.…

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Beauty Is Pancreas Deep

Today’s topic – beauty. Author Jean Kerr wrote, “I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That’s deep enough! What do you want – an adorable pancreas?” King Solomon praised the beauty of his wife. You can read about it in Song of Solomon, chapter 4. Solomon was smitten with his…

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Wheelbarrows

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I will…

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Is It Really Relapse?

I have heard dozens of addicts confess to a relapse to sex addiction – every few days. Here’s the hard question: If you continue to have relapses, is it really a relapse? Poet Pablo Neruda offered an interesting perspective. “He who returns never left.” I believe there is a danger in saying, “I have had…

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The Day Olajuwon Scored 100

It’s a record for which the NBA legend is little known – the day he scored 100. During his Hall-of-Fame career, the two-time NBA champion and 12-time All-Star averaged about 25 points per game. But on one very special day, “The Dream” scored 100 – chicken nuggets. Hakeem was shooting an ad for McDonald’s, promoting…

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75 Years Ago Today

It happened August 6, 1945 (75 years ago today). The U.S. B-29 Superfortress Enola Gay dropped an atomic bomb code-named “Little Boy” on Hiroshima, Japan, resulting in an estimated 140,000 deaths. Three days later, the United States dropped a second nuclear device over Nagasaki. Five days later, Imperial Japan surrendered. The atomic bomb represented the…

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There Is No Try

Vince Lombardi famously said, “Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.” I like this quote from Bobby Knight even more. “The key is not the will to win. Everybody has that. The key is the will to prepare to win.” In recovery, it’s what we do before the temptation hits that will determine our response.…

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Keep Learning

According to the United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization (UNESCO), an estimated 2.2 million new books are published worldwide each year. That comes to 6,027 books per day, or one new book every 15 seconds. President John Adams was right: “The more one reads, the more one sees he has to read.” There is…

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Go Too Far

Recovery is a journey that knows no end, makes incredible promises, and whose freedom is only limited by your refusal to engage the process. T.S. Eliot said, “Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far it is possible to go.” Here’s my challenge for today. In recovery, risk going too…

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Get A Shovel

In the fable of Hercules and the Wagoner, first recorded by Babrius in the first century AD, the story is told of a wagon that fell into a ravine. When the driver appealed to Hercules for help, he was told to fix it himself. This, and other similar stories, gave birth to the common teaching,…

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Does Your Spouse Complete You?

In the movie bearing his name, Jerry Maguire offered an impassioned speech to Dorothy, concluding with this memorable line: “You complete me.” Many a young romantic has fallen into that same trap. We marry someone, expecting them to “complete us.” And we are invariably disappointed. Why? Because we are never made “complete” by another human…

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Eggs and Cake

Recovery is all about making wise decisions. So let’s talk about it – wisdom. We often mistake knowledge for wisdom. But if you have to pick one, take wisdom every time. Knowledge is the accumulation of facts; wisdom tells you what to do with those facts. President Coolidge said it like this: “Knowledge comes, but…

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Minimizing Dumb Mistakes

Sometimes, recovery is about doing the next right thing. Other times, it is about avoiding the next wrong thing. Here are a few mistakes I see people make, which lead them down the road to relapse. Shame game Comparison trap Unrealistic expectations Fantasy island Premature disclosure No one ever said recovery would be easy. Or…

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The Minefield of Recovery

Humorist Michael O’Donoghue said, “Life is one big minefield, and the only place that isn’t a minefield is the place they make the mines.” In recovery, you have probably discovered a few mines along the way: Temptations Triggers Trials Tests We all walk through the minefields. Jesus said it like this: “It rains on the…

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The Answer to Relapse

Sadly, we all know that relapse is all too common among recovering addicts of all kinds. One study (cited by Clinical Psychology in 2007, “Relapse and Relapse Prevention”) found that 85 percent of addicts relapse within the first year of sobriety. Yale University conducted a one-year study on 878 patients entering clinical recovery. They identified…

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The Price of Success

Today’s subject is something you probably aren’t going to like. If you will risk it all – your reputation, time, and secrets – in order to chase after recovery, you will find it. Otherwise, you probably won’t. Seneca said, “It’s not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It’s because we dare not…

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Working Girl

In the 1988 movie, Working Girl, Tess McGill (Melanie Griffith) stated her acute dilemma: “I have a head for business and a bod for sin.” That speaks to the inner battle each of us faces. Paul said it like this: “I do not do the good I want to do, Instead, I keep doing what…

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B x 6

Maya Angelou was right when he said, “All great achievements require time.” Solomon wrote, “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise” (Proverbs 6:8). Anything worthwhile takes time to achieve. This is especially true of recovery from any addiction. There are early wins that you can achieve quickly. Others will take…

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The Road to Authenticity

A great aspiration for any man or woman would be a life of authenticity. Socrates offered great advice to all of us. He said, “The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.” J.B. Cachila wrote an article for Christian Post, “Three Ways to Be Authentic.” He…

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Dreaming into Action

“This isn’t a dream! This is really happening!” (Bette Davis, Rosemary’s Baby, 1968). That’s the funny thing about dreams. Sometimes, they do happen. Daniel was a dreamer – way back in Old Testament times. He spoke truth to power one day. “There is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries, and he has made known…

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Mind Games

Stephen King wrote, “The thing under my bed waiting to grab my ankle isn’t real. I know that, and I also know that if I’m careful to keep my foot under the covers, it will never be able to grab my ankle.” Yogi Berra said, “The problem with my mind is that sometimes it gets…

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Cool Hand Luke

In Paul Newman’s classic 1967 movie, Cool Hand Luke, the cruel prison warden justified his beating of Luke with this classic line: “What we have here is a failure to communicate.” A failure to communicate has been at the root of many failed relationships, especially in marriage. Author Julie Baumgardner offers several keys to good…

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Addicted to Virginia

Beth, Heidi (our 14-year-old Westie), and I are planning our next vacation. Destination – Virginia. The more I plan, the more excited I become. We are plotting every day, in order to see as much as possible. The more I look at pictures and think about the historical places we will see, the more hyped…

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The #1 Commonality of Sex Addiction

In his groundbreaking book, TINSA (Trauma Induced Sexual Addiction), Dr. Michael Barta contends, “In my findings, the single commonality that sex addicts share is that they were all subjected to developmental trauma.” He further states that “most addicts suffer from abandonment and neglect.” Barta concludes, “The TINSA model theorizes that episodes of past trauma are…

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Can Medicine Help My Addiction?

It’s a reasonable question. Is there medicine I can take that will help reduce my sexual urges, and thereby help with my addiction? The short answer is yes. In their incredible book, Real Hope, True Freedom, Dr. Milton Magness and Marsha Means report the following data. Naltrexone, a medication primarily used to treat addictions to…

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Over/Under

Two ways we get into big trouble are by underestimating God and overestimating ourselves. Oscar Wilde said it well: “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.” Jesus said it even better: “Without me, you can do nothing” (John 15:5). Step 1 says we are powerless over our addiction. Coming to grips with…

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Time to Get Started

Eddie Van Halen said, “There’s a plaque on our wall that says we’ve sold over 65 million albums, and I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything. I feel like I’m just getting started.” The rock legend continues to travel the world and perform before enormous crowds, 48 years since he got started. Now 65, Van…

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3 Ways to Avoid a Relapse

We all acted like we hadn’t heard it. To a man, the 15 of us just listened and nodded. But what we heard shook many in the group to their core. “I’ve had a relapse.” “Jeff” had been sober for five years – no slips and no relapses. Jeff is an active member of our…

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Six Pitfalls in Early Sobriety

Marcus Tullius Cicero said, “Everything has a small beginning.” We see an example of this in the 1991 movie, What About Bob? Richard Dreyfus plays a psychiatrist who has written a book called Baby Steps, which Bill Murray’s character takes to heart and uses to help him step out of his neurotic life. Robert Taibbi…

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Pulling the Trigger

It was a good day. We were in the Christmas season and I was excited about, what was for me, a creative gift idea for my husband. My plan was to gather some pictures of a recent vacation and put together a photo album to commemorate a fresh start with new memories. Creative and inexpensive!…

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Secrets

For most of its 15-year run, from 1952 to 1967, it was rated among the top 20 shows on television. It was called “I’ve Got a Secret.” Millions of Americans tuned in to watch celebrities try to guess another person’s secret. We love seeing secrets exposed – unless they are our own. As I work…

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Self-Care

The Bible offers us a wonderful story about self-care. We read about a man named Elijah, one of the most prominent figures of the Old Testament. “Elijah was afraid…Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. ‘I have…

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Nine Ways to Stop Lusting

There is a line in the SA “white book” that defines sobriety as “progressive victory over lust.” Note, the goal is not to (a) quit masturbation, (b) quit porn, or (c) quit any behavior. The goal is to quit lust. So what’s the big deal about lust? It’s simple. When we lust, we tend to…

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Security Screening

Recently I traveled by plane, requiring me to go through airport security screening. My ID was checked to verify that I was the person I reported to be. I was instructed to remove any objects from my pockets, my shoes, and electronics from my bag. All of my items were x-rayed and scrutinized and I…

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Good Grief

Who among us has not witnessed the all too familiar scene at the grocery store check-out line of the parent trying to control the hysterical child who is screaming and crying for the now forbidden candy or toy that has been strategically displayed in his sight? In the child’s defense, millions of dollars have gone…

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Rigorous Honesty

In Chapter Five of the AA “Big Book,” we read, “Those who do not recover are incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty.” Nothing matters more to recovery than that – rigorous honesty. Ben Franklin famously said, “Honesty is the best policy.” William Shakespeare commented, “No legacy is so…

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Betrayal

Betrayal – With its discovery comes an unbelievable pain that reaches to the core of our being, bringing suffering that feels like our hearts are literally shattering into a million pieces. There is this realization that life as we’ve known it is over. Often, many tears follow, but not the polite, respectable kind like in…

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I’ve Had a Slip – Now What?

The shortest distance between addiction and recovery is rarely a straight line. Let me explain. Recovery is like boxing. Before a fight one night, Mike Tyson told his opponent, “Your game plan will work perfectly – until you get punched in the face.” If you are just entering recovery, get ready to get punched in…

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