Expectations are an illusion. In the Old Testament, the people of Israel wanted a new king. Samuel was directed to a man named Jesse, who had several sons. One of them would be the man. But which one? Samuel began the search with a set of expectations. The chosen one would have a certain height,…
It has long been my observation that virtually all addicts have in their past a combination of the following: (a) abuse, (b) trauma, and (c) isolation. Let’s talk about that first one – abuse. Specifically, emotional abuse. Jill Bley, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, estimates that 85-90 percent of sex addicts have suffered from…
Television host Fred Rogers said, “Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” There’s a great little book called The Story of Everything. Author Neal Layton writes, on page 122, “You know, it’s possible that God’s plan for us is littleness. His plan for us may…
Every sex addict tells the same story. He or she has lost years, if not decades, to this disease. If you add up the hours on the Internet, trolling social media, visiting dating sites, and in therapy, the lost time is staggering. A year into my recovery, my past was discovered, and it cost me…
I hate to tell you this, but there is something you need, whether you are the addict or the spouse. You can’t really move forward without it. Patience. The Bible promises hope, “if we wait for it with patience” (Romans 8:25). Dr. Judith Orloff wrote, “With patience, you’re able to step back and regroup instead…
Receive God’s Word without my comment. Jeremiah 18:1-6 “This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: ‘Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.’ So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping…
A rusty gate, a broken-down car, an old house. To most of us, they look past their prime, beyond hope, and pretty much worthless. But to the person in the restoration business, these are not problems; they are opportunities. The same is true of each of us. The depth of your fall does not limit…
Paul Williams said, “You know you’re an alcoholic when you misplace things for like a decade.” Sadly, it often takes years – or decades – for us to seek the help we really need. I have been to over 700 recovery meetings, and I have yet to meet the man who said, “The day I…
A friend recently sent me this quote: “Expectations are premeditated resentments.” That is powerful. Said another way, we can’t tie our self-perception to the perception of others. Here’s the thing – not everyone will understand your journey, and that’s fine, because it isn’t their journey to understand. I stopped explaining myself when I realized people…
Every person who has ever lived (except Jesus) has suffered from the same flaw – cognitive bias. Cognitive bias is defined as “the systematic pattern of deviation from norm or rationality in judgment, whereby inferences about other people and situations may be drawn in an illogical fashion.” Because we all have cognitive bias, James said,…